Red Skies Book I
by Jennifoofighter
Summary: Red sky at morning, sailors take warning. Red sky at night, sailors delight. This is a sequel to my previous fic, 'Til the Sky Turned Blue. Shifting POV's for all WaT characters. MS. DOC. JOC. VM.
1. Chapter 1

TITLE: Red Skies

AUTHOR: Jennifoofighter

RATING: R

KEYWORDS: MS, D/OC, J/OC, VM, and friendship all around.

SPOILERS/TIMELINE: This is a sequel to my previous fic, 'Til the Sky Turned Blue

ARCHIVE: It will be posting simultaneously at and DISCLAIMER: Hank and Co. own everything _Without a Trace_. No copyright infringement is intended. Heaven knows if I had any control of the show I wouldn't have to write at all.

SUMMARY: Red sky at morning, sailors take warning. Red sky at night, sailors delight.

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"_Happy endings are just stories that haven't finished yet." - Jane Smith, 'Mr. and Mrs. Smith'_

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"I'll give you a thousand dollars if you get up," Martin mumbled into his pillow.

"We're married - your money is my money," Sam replied, stifling a laugh as she rolled over and pulled the covers tighter. "Now, go see what's going on before she burns down the house."

The mattress dipped and rose as Martin got out of bed to inspect the suspicious noise coming out of Gracie's room. It was the kind of noise that didn't set off their federal training alarms but the parental one that told them their child was up to no good. Still grumbling he muttered, "I still don't know how I got stuck with the job of early wake-up patrol and noise inspection. I'm exhausted."

"You don't want to challenge me on exhaustion," she quickly retorted. "I had to carry each one for nine months, push them out of my body, nurse them…"

He huffed and interrupted, "Are you going to use that excuse every time?"

"Yes," she replied definitively. "Besides, you should be the one to get up since it's you that they always ask for anyway."

He reached the door and mumbled, "One of these days I will get Gracie to confess that you taught her to ask for me."

"She's my daughter, she'll never rat me out," she replied as she glanced at the alarm clock that read: 12: 05 a.m. While part of her wondered what her 5-year old was doing up at this ungodly hour a bigger part of her just wanted a few more hours of precious rest. So she clasped her eyes shut and tried to will herself back to sleep.

"Then I'll get the boy to do it," Martin said as he opened the door. "I know for a fact he accepts bribes. Two cookies and he'd rat out Barney."

She smiled knowing that he was right. At three-years old, Nate was not only a certifiable cookie junkie but he was also the family tattle-tale. He never did it to be malicious; he was just a good, honest kid. Unlike his diabolical older sister who knew that his silence could be bought for a price; usually one involving chocolate chips.

She heard him walk down the hall and knock on Gracie's door before he opened it. She couldn't make out what he was saying but judging by his tone their girl wasn't up to too much mischief so Sam pulled the pillow over her head and prayed for sleep.

It didn't work because she was still wide awake when Martin returned a short while later. He slowly shuffled his way back to bed and she followed him with her eyes asking, "What was she doing?"

"Jumping on the bed smoking a cigarette," he replied as he crawled back into bed. "I told her to use an ashtray and keep it down; Daddy's trying to sleep."

Sam lifted her head and looked at him in disbelief. "What?"

"Relax. She's just excited about starting her first day of school. She was reorganizing her backpack – again," he replied with a yawn as he relaxed back into the bed. "I helped her put everything away and tucked her back into bed."

She rolled back over and curled up against him, tucking her head in the nook between his neck and shoulder. Her eyelids were heavy but there was no denying that she was awake. She could tell by Martin's breathing that he wasn't asleep yet either. "Can you believe she's starting kindergarten? It seems like just yesterday that we brought her home from the hospital."

"Mm-hmm," he mumbled as way of a reply.

Sam could still recall just how much Gracie weighed that day. Her arms still remembered the feeling of her little body bundled up in a blanket as she carried her carefully down the hall towards her room for the very first time.

XXX

_She watched as Martin hustled ahead of her to make sure the pathway was clear of any possible dangers. He would have carried her and the baby if she had asked. She moved slowly partly because of her need to be careful but also because she was still sore; feeling like she was stretched out and broken in a way she didn't think possible. When she finally reached the door and Martin moved Milo aside so she could walk into the room ahead of them. _

_They had decorated the nursery in pale green and blues and the furniture was rich honey oak color. They didn't know if they were going to have a boy or girl so they figured it would be safe, neutral colors. Now, though, she wished there was just a little more pink. She nervously carried Grace to her bassinet and carefully laid her down. _

_Martin tiptoed up behind her and whispered, "Now what do we do?"_

"_Well, according to all the baby books I am supposed to sleep whenever she does so I guess I should go take a nap." He nodded his head in agreement although neither one of them made any move to leave. She looked down at her tiny sleeping daughter; small and perfect. Gracie's face was still pale pink and she worked her mouth in suckling motion as she slept. _

"_I can stay and watch her while you sleep," he offered. His gaze focused entirely on the baby. _

"_I don't know. I mean, we can't take turns watching her all the time. She has to sleep alone eventually." She leaned close and rested her head on his shoulder. She was completely drained and exhausted but she was just as hesitant to leave Gracie alone. "Then again, maybe we should stick around for a little while." _

"_Okay," he replied. They stayed like that for a few minutes, just watching her sleep. He tilted his head toward hers and whispered, "Can you believe she is ours? I keep thinking all of this is a dream and I am going to wake up any minute." _

_Sam laughed and snaked her arm around his waist. "I just spent over 30 hours in labor. Believe me, it's no dream; this is very much real." _

_He put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her to him. He kissed her head and said, "You were incredible."_

_She looked down at Grace and replied, "Yeah, well she was worth it." She paused and added, "Of course, when she's older I am definitely going to remind her how much I went through to bring her into this world." _

_He laughed. "It's an excuse that has worked for mothers for centuries."_

_She felt Milo's tail brush against her leg and she looked down to see the big Labrador move to sit under Grace's crib. He walked around in circles before finally finding a good spot to lie down and go to sleep. Sam was about to comment but when she opened her mouth instead of words she yawned. _

"_Why don't we put you to bed too? Milo can stand guard." He clicked on the white baby monitor, grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her around to move her out of the room. "The baby monitor is on and we can hear everything from the bedroom." _

_She hated to leave but she knew that she needed to sleep now because Gracie was going to need to nurse again in two hours. They walked into their bedroom and Martin clicked on the other monitor as Sam lay down. He sat on the edge of the bed to make sure it was working. He gave her an unsure look and said, "It's quiet." _

"_She's sleeping," she replied. _

"_How do we know what to listen for? How do we know if it's working?"_

_She considered and said, "Go back to her room and say something into the monitor. I'll stay here and listen." _

"_Good idea," he said as he walked out of the room. A few seconds later she heard his voice on the monitor, "Testing, one, two, three." He walked back down the hall, poked his head in and asked, "Did you hear me?" _

"_Yeah, loud and clear," she answered._

_Satisfied they both laid down on the bed to nap. However, as tired as Sam was she could not seem to relax enough to sleep. She cracked open an eye and saw Martin's gaze focused on the nightstand where the baby monitor sat. She took a deep breath and exhaled hoping to calm her nerves but no luck. She scooted next to him and he shifted so they could both be comfortable. She wanted to sleep but she found that she kept trying to listen for any unusual sounds. Conceding defeat she raised herself up on her elbow, looked at him and said, "Maybe we should just bring her bassinet in here?" _

"_Good idea," he replied as he moved out from under her, hopped out of bed and over his shoulder added, "I'll be right back."_

_A few minutes later Martin rolled the small bassinet into their room with Milo in tow. He was pushing it slowly, doing his best to not wake the sleeping infant. He positioned it next to her side of the bed, checked to make sure Gracie was still asleep and then rejoined her. Milo moved to the corner of the room and plopped himself on his pillow bed and fell right back to sleep. _

_Sam moved closer to the bassinet and lay on her side with one hand resting on the edge of the bassinet. Martin moved in to spoon her from behind, his own hand resting lightly over her hip. She closed her eyes and miraculously fell right to sleep_.

XXX

An incredibly short amount of time later she heard the alarm clock radio click on, waking her up. She reached over and slammed the snooze button down. Normally she would try to delay the inevitable for another nine minutes but today was a pretty monumental day in the Spade-Fitzgerald household. She rolled over and saw that Martin was already up and gone for his morning run with Milo.

She sighed heavily and stretched out before getting out of bed. After a record fast shower (something she had perfected during motherhood) she started toweling off when Martin appeared looking sweaty and spent.

"I started the wake up process," he shared as he started stripping off his running clothes to get into the shower. The kids needed to be waken up in waves. Martin usually handled the first one and Sam moved in for the actual wake-up call. Once he was in the shower she quickly got dressed and headed down the hall towards Grace's room.

She knocked on the door and was about to enter when from the other side of the bedroom door Gracie shouted, "Don't come in! I wanna do it myself!"

She was taken slightly off guard by her daughter's early morning wakefulness but happily accepted it all the same. "Alright, but call me if you need any help."

"Okay," she replied. All summer Grace had been excited about being a big kid and getting to go to a real school and wear a real uniform. Last night she announced that big kids don't need their mommy's to help them get dressed and declared that on her first day of school she would get ready all on her own.

Sam looked at the door for a beat, resisting the urge to open the door and help her along, before turning around and heading into Nate's bedroom.

The little boy was sprawled out on his bed, limbs akimbo and happily snoring away. Sam reached over and gently tickled the bottom of his feet, gave him a soft kiss on his temple and said, "Time to wake up, sleepyhead."

The little boy shifted and cracked open an eye to look at her. He sighed, rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and said, "Morning mama."

"Morning," she said with a grin. "Time to get up, sweetie. You have to get dressed."

He stretched and asked, "Why?"

"Did you forget that you are going to spend the day with Eli and Nanny Melanie?"

Nate got a big grin on his face and said, "Oh, yeah!" He jumped out of bed and grabbed his clothes off the dresser that Sam had laid out the night before.

Eli was not only Nate's very best friend but he was also Danny and Emma's youngest boy. It turned out a month after she got pregnant with Nate, Emma got pregnant with Eli. Sam enjoyed sharing pregnancy frustrations and joys with Emma. It also helped that she didn't feel like she was the largest, widest woman every time they went out.

Since the two boys were also extremely close in age they were instantaneous friends by the default of association. Nate had been feeling left out of the excitement of starting school so Danny and Emma's nanny, Melanie, agreed to take both the boys for the day as a sort of mini-field trip for the not-quite school age boys; something that made their own nanny, Frances, happy as well.

Once Nate was dressed she sent him off in search of his dad and she headed back to her bedroom to finish getting ready. She walked in and found Martin standing in front of the mirror putting on his tie while chatting with Nate who was bouncing on the balls of his feet as he stared up at his dad.

"Are you excited to hang out with Eli?" Martin asked.

"Uh-huh," he nodded his head enthusiastically.

He finished tying his tie and turned to look at Sam. "Hey, is Grace ready yet?"

Sam ran her hand through Nate's hair as she passed. "Not yet."

He gave her a worried look before shrugging his shoulders and leading Nate out of the room. "Well, we'll start breakfast then."

Sam headed to the bathroom and finished getting herself ready. After she applied her make-up and dried her hair she headed down the hall to check up on Grace – again.

She stood in front of the bedroom door, staring at the brightly colored wooden letters that spelled out her daughter's name and said, "How are you doing?"

"I'm almost done," the independent girl shouted back; her voice sounding muffled.

Sam smiled at Grace's exuberance and said, "Okay, but hurry up, sweetie, or I won't have enough time to comb your hair. You don't want to be late for your first day of school."

"Okay," she replied.

Sam turned around and walked to the living room where she found Martin and Nate sitting on the sofa fiddling with the camera. He looked up from the camera and glanced behind her. "Where's Grace?"

"She's almost ready," she replied as she sat down on chair across from them. "She just needs a few more minutes."

Martin frowned and glanced at his watch before returning his attention to the camera. He insisted on documenting just about every moment of their kids lives. They already had piles of DVDs and pictures of first steps, first words, even the first time Grace ate a banana. She had no idea when or if anyone would ever want to watch them all but they had them.

"I wanna see," Nate said as he moved to stand between Martin's legs to see the pictures on the camera's screen. Sam smiled at seeing how much Nate resembled his dad. Sometimes Martin would joke around and call him "Mini-Me."

"Okay, I'm ready!" Grace announced melodramatically. All eyes turned to face the hallway entrance to the living room when their daughter appeared dressed in her school uniform: a maroon polo shirt, a pleated skirt, tights and sneakers. She smiled broadly and said, "Ta-da!"

"Look at you," Martin exclaimed as he snapped a photo.

"I got dressed all by myself. The clothes were easy but it took me a long time to tie my shoelaces," she said proudly as pointed to her tennis shoes.

"You did a good job," Sam praised.

"Thank you," she replied as she spun around to model for them. It was at that time that they noticed Grace's fashion faux paus. It seemed she had inadvertently tucked the back of her skirt into her tights while getting dressed.

Nate started laughing and pointed at his sister shouting, "I can see your butt!"

Martin clasped his hand over the little boy's mouth while Sam jumped up to help fix her daughter's outfit.

However, Grace got angry at her pesky younger brother whose laughter could still be heard under his dad's hand and shouted, "Shut up! Stop laughing!"

"Don't fight," Sam warned as she pulled Gracie back, leading her down the hall. "Come on, let's go comb your hair and I will tell you about rule #1 of skirt wearing: always check yourself in the mirror…"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

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"Dad?" Diego asked from where he sat at the kitchen table.

"Si mijo?" Danny replied as he poured milk into his other son Michael's cereal.

"Can blind people see in their dreams?" Diego asked as he picked up his juice glass.

"Um," he considered how to reply before finally answering, "That sounds like a medical question, you should ask your mom."

"Ask me what?" Emma said as she wandered into the kitchen with Eli. She sat him down on a chair and started pouring some Cheerios into his bowl. A few stray ones landed on the table top and Eli carefully captured one and popped it into his mouth.

"I was wondering if blind people can see their dreams," Diego repeated.

Mike, who had been staring at the puzzle maze on the back on the cereal box, looked over at his twin and said, "D, how can they see in their dreams if they are blind? They don't even know what things look like."

Once Eli was settled, Emma wandered over to pour herself a cup of coffee saying, "Not necessarily Mike; some people don't go blind until later in life. I'm sure they can see in their dreams. As for people who were always blind, I think they can use their imagination and create things in their mind and dreams."

Danny smiled and said, "Good answer, Dr. Taylor."

"Thank you Agent Taylor," she replied as the boy's topic of conversation strayed onto how cool it would be to have their very own seeing-eye dog.

He headed over to grab his own cup of coffee when Emma leaned against the counter and said, "I talked to my parents. They invited us to go have dinner this Saturday."

His back was to her so she couldn't see him wince. The last thing he wanted to do was go have dinner with her father. He and Emma had been married for almost ten years and her father was still frosty to him. "Um, I thought we had plans with Sam and Martin."

"Oh, yeah, it totally slipped my mind," she replied as she reached for the phone. "I'll call my mom and tell her some other time then." She started dialing and said, "Don't forget that the boys' teacher wants to meet with us before school starts."

"Yeah, I didn't forget," he said as he moved out of the kitchen to go grab his gun and badge from the safe. "Be right back, I gotta go grab my stuff for work."

Two of Danny's least favorite things mentioned in one quick morning conversation: his father-in-law and his boy's propensity for getting into mischief. He was sure that their teacher wanted to meet with them to go over rules of conduct in the school. The Taylor boys had a reputation as a pair of troublemakers at the school. A reputation that seemed to make it back to their grandfathers ears too often for Danny's liking.

XXX

_They had just finished dinner with Emma's parents, Dr. Richard and Marilyn Close. The kids were playing in the backyard while Emma and her mom went into the kitchen to clean up leaving Danny alone with his father-in-law. _

_Richard stood at the bar mixing himself a martini. He enjoyed a good drink and it was no secret that he greatly disliked the fact that Danny never drank. The fact that Danny was a recovering alcoholic was merely seen as another weakness in his eyes. As he poured the drink into a martini glass he said, "I understand that the boys got into some trouble at school again." _

"_Just a little harmless mischief," Danny replied as he tried to get comfortable on the sofa. _

_Richard skewered three olives on a little miniature cocktail sword and continued, "You know, it's important for young boys to have discipline." He sat down on his leather chair and said, "I know that you and Emma don't believe in spanking but if you want my advice I think a few whacks on the behind would do the boys a lot of good." _

_Danny worked his tongue in his cheek trying his best to not tell his father-in-law what he could do with his advice. But instead he rubbed his chin and stiffly replied, "I'll take it under consideration." _

_Not satisfied with that reply, Richard continued on, "When I was a boy my father used the belt on me and my brothers. We never disobeyed him or our mother; we never became hooligans or problem children." _

_Danny clenched his fists on his lap. He knew that Emma had told him all about his father's abuse. It was like a little stab with one of his cocktail swords to have him basically say that his father was justified in hitting them. That he only did what he did to him and Rafi because they were problem children. So while part of him wanted to tell Richard that the reason he didn't endorse spanking was that if his own father was abusive he was worried if he ever let himself hit one of his kids he might become just like his dad and not know when to stop. But the bigger part of him just wanted to tell him to go fuck himself; that the boys were his and Emma's concern, not his. _

_Richard opened his mouth to speak again when Emma appeared in the doorway carrying a sleeping El with Mike and Diego right behind her. "I think we should head home. This one is out like a light and the other two have school tomorrow." _

_Saved by the bell, Danny stood up and said, "Let's go." _

"_Bye dad," Emma said as she pulled her father into a hug. _

"_Bye princess," Richard said as he pulled out of the embrace. He kissed Eli on the forehead and said, "Night Elijah." He looked at the twins and said, "Come give your grandfather a hug." _

_Mike and Diego gave him a big hug, whispering, "Goodnight." _

_Danny hesitated before extending his hand and saying, "Goodnight Richard."_

"_Goodnight Daniel," he said as they shook hands. "I hope you do consider my advice." _

_On the ride home Emma asked what advice her father offered and when Danny told her she laughed and said to just ignore him. Something that seemed much easier for her than it was for him. _

XXX

Danny wandered back into the kitchen when Mike asked, "Hey, dad, can we get a dog?"

"No," he swiftly replied. "Your mom and I already have our hands full with you monkeys."

"Come on dad! We'll take care of it," Diego begged.

"Yeah, we'll feed it and walk it," Mike added.

"We've discussed this, boys," Emma intervened. "No dog."

"It's not fair," Mike said sourly.

Diego slumped into his chair and said, "Yeah, Gracie and Nate get to have Milo."

"Sam and Martin only have two kids. They can have a dog," Danny answered.

Mike grinned and looked at his younger brother, "What if we trade Eli for Milo?"

Diego laughed. "That's a great idea! We'd have more fun with Milo."

Eli glared at his two older brothers and said, "No!" He got a teary look in his eye and turned to his mom, "I don't wanna get traded."

"No one is trading anyone," Emma replied soothing Eli. "Your brothers just think they're being funny." She looked at the twins and said, "Apologize to your brother."

"We're sorry, E," they said in unison as they got off their chairs to give their baby brother a hug.

Satisfied, Danny said, "Okay, go grab your stuff so we can get you to school." The boys started to their room with big grins when he held out his arm to stop them and said, "And just so you know: I am going to inspect your backpacks, your pockets, and your shoes. So don't even bother trying to sneak something into school."

The two boys furrowed their brows in disappointment as they continued on to their bedroom muttering, "Aw man. We never get to do anything fun."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

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Viv stood at the large wooden bureau in her bedroom. She popped the white lid off of the orange plastic prescription bottle to begin her weekly ritual: medicine division. Since the transplant surgery she was on a strict medicinal regime and with so many pills she used a pill box to divide up the medicines so she knew exactly which ones to take and which time. Every Monday she divvied up the pills and put them in the plastic pill box labeled with days of the week. First thing in the morning she takes 200 mg Neoral, 5 mg Prednisone, and 325 mg aspirin. In the evening, she had to take 120 mg Diltizaem, 20 mg Zocor, and 50 mg Imuran. Once she had put all the proper pills, excluding the ones she had to take this morning, in their appropriate compartments she closed it up and put it in her purse.

She heard Marcus walking back into the bedroom with a glass of water in one hand and cup of hot tea in the other. He handed her the glass of water and set the cup of tea on the bureau. He glanced over the prescription meds and asked, "All done?"

"Yes, dad," Viv replied sarcastically. She smiled at him before swallowing the first pill. She ran her eyes over his clothing and said, "You're already dressed?"

He nodded his head and sat down at the bed. "I have an early meeting with the Chair of the Department and then Henry wants to meet with me to review the syllabus for the class and help him with some research for his dissertation." Henry Stoltzfus was Marcus' graduate assistant and currently her husband's new shadow. "Oh, and I asked him to join us for dinner on Saturday. I figure since he is new in town it would be nice to introduce him to Reggie, Joy and Kate."

"That was thoughtful," she replied as she took a final drink of her water before putting the water glass down and picking up the tea. She walked to her closet and studied her clothes to try and pick out an outfit. With her eye on a sweater she casually said, "So Joy's coming too?"

"Viv," Marcus warned. He knew that she did not care for their son's latest girlfriend. "Reggie is a big boy and he seems to really like this girl."

She sighed and pulled out a pair of slacks and button up top from her closet. "I just can't understand what he sees in her. She's bossy, materialistic, argumentative…she's just so awful."

Marcus laughed and said, "You still have to be nice to her." He stood up and gave her a quick kiss. "Besides, knowing our son, he'll be bored with her in a month."

"I never thought I would be thankful that Reggie was such a playboy," she replied. Her son had grown into a very handsome young man but unfortunately, he was very aware of that fact and took complete advantage. He had a revolving door of girlfriends.

"He's young and just having fun," he said as he tied up his shoelaces. "He'll settle down when he finally finds the right girl."

"I guess so," Viv replied as she put the clothes on her bed and started to the bathroom.

Marcus stopped her, wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close, "Don't be so hard on the boy. He's a good kid."

She smiled and said, "Okay." He reached down and gave her a good kiss before pulling back and moved to leave. When he reached the door and his back was to her she said, "But that still doesn't mean I have to like it."

"I don't expect you to," he replied over his shoulder.

She smiled and moved into the bathroom. She turned on the shower, testing the water with her hand before removing her bathrobe and nightgown. One she was undressed she moved towards the shower when she caught her reflection in the mirror above the sink. She stepped forward and stared at herself. She ran her fingers over the scar that ran vertically down her chest. It had faded a bit over the years but it was unmistakably there.

Although it had been almost ten years since the transplant, every now and then she was caught off guard by the sight of it. She ran her fingers down the line and couldn't help but feel a sense of dread as the decade anniversary neared. She knew the statistics on the life span of heart transplant recipients; five to ten years. If they were lucky enough to have the donation take and the body didn't reject the new organ. So far she had been on the low end of the curve, having had only one incident of heart rejection. By most transplant standards it was relatively tame but it was then that she realized just important it was that she continue with this heart as long as possible.

XXX

_She was groggy when she woke up. She cracked open her eyes expecting to see Marcus but instead found Martin sitting at her bedside. He was staring at his hands, lost in thought. _

"_Martin?" she said; her voice hoarse and dry. _

_He shot his head up and with a look of relief leaned in close and whispered, "Hey Viv."_

"_Where am I?" she asked as her eyes scanned the room. She saw the monitors, smelled the disinfectant and recognized the bland décor. "Am I in the hospital?"_

_Martin leaned in close, met her eyes, and said, "Yeah, you collapsed last night." _

"_I did? Where's Marcus?" she asked, struggling to absorb the information. _

"_He went down the hall to talk to your doctor," he replied; his voice sounding as scruffy as he looked. "I'll go get him."_

_He started to stand when she reached out and asked, "What happened?" _

_He shifted his gaze to the bed frame, looking very uncomfortable. "Maybe I should wait and let Marcus talk to you." _

"_Tell me now," she demanded. _

_He licked his lips and said, "You suffered Acute Vascular Rejection." He paused and took a deep breath. "Your body was rejecting the heart."_

"_Rejecting?" she repeated. _

"_Yeah but the doctor's have adjusted your meds and they are pretty optimistic that if they can regulate the dosage that you will be fine," he replied. While his tone was trying to sound optimistic she didn't miss that the noticeable hesitation in his voice. _

"_Good," she was feeling scared but looking at Martin's face she thought maybe he was even more so. She knew that he had a lot invested in her health, too. She forced a smile on her face and said, "I'm going to be fine. We didn't go through all we went through to have me die now."_

"_Yeah, I'm sure you are right," he replied as he nodded his head. _

"_I am," she said as she reached out to grab his hand. _

_He squeezed her hand and said, "Good, because I'm counting on it." He looked at her for a long moment before quickly standing up and saying, "I'll go get Marcus and the doctor. They'd want to know you are awake."_

"_Okay," she said as he headed out of the room. _

XXX

After Martin had left, Marcus told her that he had stayed at the hospital all night. She knew that his being there went beyond just friendship but had more to do with the fact that he had a lot invested in her health. That if her heart failed it would be like letting Ruby die again. While he and Sam were doing great she knew that no matter what, his guilt about Ruby's death was still a cross that he carried with him. Thankfully, that since the one incident she had been in great health

However, as the mirror fogged up with the steam from the shower and her reflection went blurry before disappearing altogether she couldn't help but have a sense of fear that as the ten year mark approached she may not continue to beat the odds.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

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"Morning," Jack greeted as he shuffled into the living room.

Elaine sat at the dining room table that was piled high with file folders and various other legal documents. She looked up at him and replied, "Morning."

He rubbed her back and kissed her temple as he moved into the kitchen. "Is there coffee?"

"I just made a fresh pot," she replied as she jotted down something on a legal pad.

He nodded his head and walked into the kitchen. He rubbed his eyes and slowly shuffled towards the coffee maker. He yawned widely and reached over to retrieve a mug from the cabinet and poured himself a cup before headed back into the dining area.

"How's the case going?" he asked as he pulled out a chair to sit down next to her.

She stretched out her arms and said, "This guy's defense attorney is trying to bog me down in ridiculous character affidavits, injunctions…Ugh, basically trying to drive me crazy."

"This is good," he replied as he took a sip of his coffee. "This means he knows you have a strong case right?"

"Basically," she said with a smile. She put down her pen and leaned back in her chair. "What about you? How's your case load?"

"No case yet," he replied as he took another drink. "Considering both Sam and Danny are going to be late to work today it's a blessing."

She smiled and said, "Oh, that's right, it's the first day of school."

"Yup," he replied with a grin. He put the cup down and scratched the back of his neck.

"How's Sam handling Grace starting school?"

He laughed and said, "She says she's fine but every time she mentions it she gets a wistful look on her face."

Elaine nodded knowingly and said, "I remember when Michael started kindergarten. I bawled like a baby."

"So did Maria," he replied.

"What about you?" she asked curiously. "You didn't even get a little bit teary eyed?"

"I wasn't there for either one of the girls first days," he replied solemnly still feeling guilty about missing so much of his girls' young lives. "I was working Violent Crimes back then and I wasn't around for many of those milestones."

Elaine reached over and patted his forearm. "Maybe so but if memory serves you got a little choked up when they started college."

"That's because I was thinking about how much money it was going to cost me," he replied devilishly as he stood up and headed back to the bedroom to get ready for work.

Elaine laughed and said, "Liar."

He didn't bother retorting knowing that she was right. It felt just like yesterday that he moved his youngest daughter into her college dorm.

XXX

_He carried a large cardboard box into Kate's dorm room at NYU. After spending most of her school life in Chicago she was anxious to return home to New York for college. Plus, NYU had a strong English and Literature Department and she was studying to be a journalist. _

"_Where do you want this?" he asked Kate who was helping Elaine make the bed. _

"_Um," she looked around. He was still in awe of what a beautiful young woman she had become. She was tall with big brown eyes and long brown hair. However, as she stood in the small cell of a room looking around as if a spot would miraculously appear he wished she would just hurry the hell up. The box was getting heavier and heavier. She finally pointed to the closet and said, "Just put it over there."_

_He carefully put the box down and said, "That's the last one."_

"_Kate, this is a great room," Elaine said as she finished making the bed. She looked out the window and added, "You even have a great view."_

"_I know," she beamed. "I totally lucked out."_

_They started unpacking and putting stuff away when a tall young man with a goatee and purple hair wandered in. "Hola, I'm Zane, your resident advisor."_

"_Hi, I'm Kate Malone," she said as she reached out to shake Zane's hand. Jack noticed that the boy's hand lingered too long in Kate's for his liking. She stepped back and waved to where he stood. "This is my dad, Jack Malone and my step-mom, Elaine."_

"_Hi there," Zane said in sugary niceness that reeked of phoniness. "I know it's hard for parent's to deal with their daughter being so far away from home," he said as he eyes wandered over to where Kate stood. "But I want to assure you I will take extra-special care of Katie here."_

"_Actually, Zane," Jack began as he stepped forward and put his hand on the man's shoulder, giving it a hard squeeze. "We live in the city. Elaine is with the District Attorney's office and I'm a Special Agent in Charge with the FBI. We'll be absolutely sure that my daughter is safe."_

"_Alrighty then," Zane said as he took a few steps backward to the door. "Kate, I just wanted to let you know that you're roommate won't be here until tomorrow so it's all yours tonight. See you at the social later."_

"_Thanks Zane," she said as he left. She turned to Jack and said, "Dad, can you please relax? I am a big girl. I can take care of myself."_

"_I know that but he was a bit of a sleaze," he replied. "The way he touched your hand – you better watch out for him."_

"_Dad, do you really think he is the first guy to hit on me?" she said with her hands on her hips. "I know how to handle myself."_

"_Okay," he replied with his hands in the air. Although, the revelation that boys like Zane hit on his daughter did not please him at all. _

"_Thanks dad," she replied satisfied. _

"_Alright, it's getting late and according to Kate's itinerary she has a meet and greet pizza social in an hour," Elaine said as she stood up and headed to the door. "Why don't we get out of here and give her a chance to get settled and met her new classmates." _

"_We still have all these boxes to unpack," he began to argue when he noticed Kate giving Elaine a pleading look. "Fine, we'll go. Don't have to knock me over the head."_

"_Thanks dad," Kate said apologetically as he walked with a deflated look to the door. _

_She gave him a big hug and he held her tightly and in a soft, choked-up voice said, "I love you honey." _

"_I know dad," she replied just as softly. She pulled back and gave him a soft smile before reaching over to hug Elaine. "I'll talk to you guys later."_

_Elaine laughed and said, "I'm sure you will. After all, we have a washer and dryer." _

_Kate laughed and walked them to the door. As she started to shut it, Jack leaned towards her and whispered, "Be sure to lock your door." _

"_Yes, sir," she replied with a mock salute before closing the door. _

XXX

It was still strange to think that was only three years ago and now she was in her junior year of college. He had to admit he was really pleased that she chose to go to school close to home. He had grown incredibly close to his youngest daughter and got to know the magnificent young woman she had become.

He and Hanna had mended their relationship over time but she had opted to go to school in New Mexico so he didn't get to see her very often. She was studying photography and they were known to have the best professors in the country. He had wanted her to attend Rhode Island School of Design but she wanted to go someplace where the weather was warm. It didn't hurt that it was far away from both him and Maria.

As he entered the bedroom he smiled to himself knowing that he (and Maria) had raised wonderful, independent and self-sufficient daughters. It seemed that pretty soon they wouldn't need him at all.

He heard his cell phone ring and he walked to his nightstand to answer it."Malone."

"Hi dad," Kate greeted him happily. "Can I borrow a hundred dollars?"

Then again, maybe they still needed him after all.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

XXXXXXX

"And where are you going to wait for me?" Sam asked Grace.

Martin looked over to where Sam and Grace walked alongside him, hand in hand. Grace quickly replied, "I wait with Ms. Kennedy until you or dad or Frances come and get me and today you are picking me up."

"That's right," she replied.

He carried Nate on his shoulders, listening as Sam and Grace discussed the school pick-up procedures. Nate's little hands rested on his head and he could feel his little chubby fingertips playing with his hair. Thankfully, the little boy was still small enough that it didn't cause too much neck strain to support his weight. Grace giggled at something Sam said and he sighed contentedly. There were still so many days he couldn't believe that this was his life. He actually got everything he had ever wished for: he was married to Sam, he had two of the most beautiful, intelligent, charismatic children on the planet (although he would never tell Danny that – no sense making the man jealous), and he was an SAC in the bureau.

"Daddy, look at the doggie," Nate said as he pointed to an old woman walking a fat little Daschund on the opposite sidewalk. "It's a weenie dog."

"Yes he is," he replied as he reached up and tickled his boy. "He's a fat little hot dog."

Nate laughed and Martin couldn't help but think the best sound he ever heard was when he made one of his kids laugh.

He looked over at Sam who was still engrossed in her conversation with Grace. Today was one of those days he could hear the Talking Heads song, "Once in a Lifetime" playing his head, _"And you may tell yourself, this is not my beautiful house! And you may tell yourself: this is not my beautiful wife! _

They stopped at the crosswalk and waited for the light to change. Sam looked up and asked Nate a question and he couldn't help but think that she looked as beautiful as the day he married her. Or even, the night before their wedding.

XXX

_He shifted restlessly in bed trying to get comfortable. He had thought it was just nerves but realized that it was just weird to not have Sam lying by his side. Since the day they got back together they rarely spent a night apart and when he moved into her apartment the only time they didn't sleep together was if one of them had to travel for work. _

_He cursed his future mother-in-law, Diane, and Sam's sister, Bridget, who insisted that it was bad luck for the bride to see the groom before the wedding. So his own mother arranged to have all of them stay at the hotel and do a spa day before the day before the wedding; something that tremendously pleased all the nieces who looked at it as a giant slumber party. _

_So after the rehearsal dinner he went back to their apartment and she went back to the hotel with all of the other women. At the time he thought it seemed like a good idea too, give her a chance to relax and be pampered, but now the entire thing felt completely ridiculous. He'd rather have her here so it would feel more normal and he could get some much needed sleep before the wedding. He rolled onto his side, pounded his pillow and tried to relax. In the corner the moonlight filtered in so he could see Milo curled up on the carpet, snoring happily. _

_Lucky dog._

_Martin closed his eyes and tried to steady his breathing to try and ease into sleep. He waited about twenty minutes before deciding it wouldn't work. He considered taking a sleeping pill but when he glanced at the clock and mentally calculated how long it would knock him out against what time he had to get up he decided it would be too risky. He rolled back over when he heard someone unlocking the front door and soft footsteps headed down the hall. _

_He smiled to himself, scooted to the middle of the bed and closed his eyes pretending to be asleep. He felt the bed dip behind him and then Sam's warm breath in his ear. He resisted the urge to smile and said, "Milo, I told you: no getting on the bed." _

_The next thing he knew a pillow was whacked on top of his head. He laughed and rolled onto his back to find Sam looking perturbed but laughing nonetheless. "Really funny smart ass," she said as she lay on her side, propped up by her elbow. "Is that how you want to start your married life? Ticking off your future wife by comparing her breath to the dogs?" _

"_I might be if it always ends up with her in my bed," he replied as he reached over and caressed her cheek asking, "Not that I'm complaining but what are you doing here?" _

_She smiled and maneuvered herself so her face was directly across from his. "I couldn't sleep. I missed my own bed." _

"_Oh, it's the bed you missed?" He tucked one under the pillow beneath his head and rested the other on her hip. "And here I was hoping it was the warm body in it."_

"_Well, that was implied," she smiled back. "I was going crazy at the hotel. I don't know how I'm supposed to get any rest over there. I guess I've actually gotten used to having you around." _

"_Well that's good cuz you're stuck with me," he replied as he kissed her softly on the lips. "What did you do? Sneak out of the hotel?"_

"_I'm getting ice," she replied with a grin. She just lay there watching him when she quietly asked, "Are you nervous about tomorrow?" _

_His breath caught in his chest; worried that maybe she was having cold feet. "No, are you?" _

_She lowered her gaze and played with the sleeve of his t-shirt. "Yes and no." _

_All of the air whooshed out of his lungs and he asked, "What do you mean?" She didn't reply but just shrugged her shoulder so he took his hand off her hip and used it to lift up her chin so she had to look at him. "Sam?" He met her eyes that looked teary and sad but she still didn't speak. "Sam, talk to me." _

_She blew out a breath and looked at him. It felt like the world was standing still as he waited for her to say something, anything. She kept her eyes on him before quickly moving closer and wrapping her arms around his back. She tucked her head under his chin and said, "I'm just scared that everything is going to change."_

_He tried to steady his nerves and rubbed her back as he said, "Well, it is. I mean we're getting married. That's a big change for us."_

"_I know it's just scary to think about it. It's so huge," she replied, her breath warm on his neck. "I can't help but think about my first marriage and how it changed everything; and not for the better."_

_He felt a pang of jealousy every time he thought about how it was her second marriage, he was the second husband. But he knew that tonight was about them, about her fears, so he swallowed his hurt and said, "You know we don't have to get married. Things are great the way they are, we could just keep living together."_

_She froze and looked at him for a moment, studying his eyes to see if he really meant it. She shook her head and replied, "We can't do that, we have a hundred people coming to the hotel tomorrow and then there's the caterer's…"_

"_I was really looking forward to having some of those coconut shrimps," he replied and she laughed. "Not to mention those little puffy things filled with lobster."_

_She leaned back so she could look at his face and said, "Leave it to you to think with your belly."_

"_Hey, they're delicious," he replied, happy that she seemed to be relaxing. "But we could just make it a big party. That way we don't have to get married but we'd still get to eat." He smiled wickedly and added, "Not to mention we'll still get to keep the wedding gifts."_

"_How very practical of you," she replied as she rested her head next to his. _

_He sighed and looked at her. "I don't want you to do anything you really don't want to do. If you're not ready then let's just wait. I'm happy to be with you no matter what. I just want to wake up everyday and see your face." He ran his fingers through the loose hair by her and finished, "That's enough for me." _

"_I like waking up with you too," she said softly. _

_They lay there just watching each other. He wanted to tell her how much he wanted to get married. How he wanted to know that she was his always, even if it was only declared on some piece of paper. He wanted everyone to see that the woman he loved was completely committed to him and him to her. But he also knew that he couldn't push Sam to do anything she wasn't ready to do. _

_She smiled at him and softly said, "I love you." _

"_I love you, too," he replied earnestly. _

_She reached over and ran her fingertips over his lips and he kissed them. She smiled and moved them away saying, "I want to be married to you, I want to be your wife."_

"_Okay," he replied with a grin. _

_She kissed him squarely on the mouth and he pulled her tightly to him as the kiss deepened. Her hands moved under his t-shirt, grazing his stomach before running along the waistband of his boxers. He kissed the side of her neck and…_

XXX

"Dad? Daddy!" Grace shouted, jostling him out of his reverie.

"What? Yeah?" he asked.

"We have to cross now," Sam said as she jerked her head at the crosswalk sign that had the little man shape brightly lit.

He nodded his head and stepped off the curb, "Right, sorry."

Grace looked over at him and asked, "What were you thinking about? You were smiling."

"I was?" he asked. He tried to come up with an excuse he could share with his 5-year old daughter and said, "I was remembering what it was like to get to ride one of those big yellow school buses."

"Oh," she replied. "I hope I get to ride one too."

Sam leaned in close and whispered, "I know that look and you were not thinking about school buses."

He grinned and huskily replied, "If you're nice I'll tell you exactly what I was thinking about tonight."

She laughed. "You better."

They turned the corner to the school's front entrance and he spotted Danny and his family standing on the sidewalk chatting with their nanny, Melanie. Danny seemed to be lecturing Mike and Diego while Eli sat in one half of the double stroller that they had purchased for the twins when they were born.

"Happy first day of school," Martin said as they neared.

"Welcome to the wonderful world of elementary school," Danny replied cheerily. "You have years ahead of school plays, calls from teachers and principals, and…"

"I think some of those privileges are reserved for our kids, Danny," Emma interrupted.

They all exchanged quick hellos as Nate ordered Martin to put him down. He lifted him off his shoulders and placed him down on the sidewalk where he ran straight for where Eli sat in the stroller and shouted, "Hola Eli! Hola Nanny Melanie!"

"Hola Nate!" Melanie replied. She had moved to NYC from Puerto Rico and was fluent in both English and Spanish but since Danny and Emma wanted to their kids to be bilingual they encouraged her to speak Spanish to the boys. And since Nate spent a lot of time with Eli he was learning to speak it as well.

"Hola," Eli happily greeted as he waved his Tonka truck at his friend.

Nate climbed into the double stroller with his best friend, looked at Sam and Martin and waved. "Bye."

"Not so fast," Sam said as she crouched down in front of her boy. "Give me a kiss goodbye." She held his little chubby face in her hands and planted a big kiss on him.

"Come on, we better head inside," Emma announced as she began to lead the boys to the front doors. They all waved goodbye as Melanie lead the boys down the street. He and Sam followed behind Emma, who added, "Don't worry, Sam. The boys are in good hands with Melanie."

"I know, it's just they are getting so big and independent," Sam said as Martin took his hand in hers. "It'sgoing to take me some time to get used to it, that's all."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

A/N: That's right – no smut. Wa-ha-ha! evil grin Sorry, but smut is not easy to write so I like to save it for when the occasion really calls for it.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

XXXXXXX

Sam stood in the elevator with Martin and Danny as it made its way up to the missing person's floor. She remained silent, listening as they chatted happily about how the first day of school went. It seemed Diego and Mike's teacher had reviewed their academic records and decided that they probably got into so much mischief because they weren't challenged enough in the classroom. So she wanted to put them in a gifted class and Emma and Danny eagerly agreed.

"I think it was the first time I was ever given positive news about them," Danny commented as the elevator stopped on another floor to pick up some more agents headed upstairs. The three of them huddled closer in the corner of the small space. "Emma and I were starting to get worried that we were raising the devil's minions."

Martin laughed and when Danny glared at him he held up his hands and said, "Hey, those were your words, not mine."

Danny laughed and turned to Sam, "So, be honest, did you cry?"

"No," Sam replied feeling guilty that she hadn't – like it made her less of a mother. The fact that she didn't added to an uneasiness she had been trying to suppress for the last few weeks. But she couldn't let them know that she felt that way so she smiled and said, "Even if I had it would have been nothing compared to the water works being spilled by some of the other moms."

"Yeah, Emma was one of those moms," Danny replied with a shake of his head. "You should have seen her when the twins started school. She used a whole box of tissues."

Martin laughed lightly before changing the subject to sports. Sam pretended to listen as the two men talked about a game the previous night while her thoughts drifted to the events earlier in the day. As they walked to the school the anxious, nervous feeling in her gut reappeared. She did her best to dismiss it as nerves at knowing her first baby was starting school.

She still had trouble believing that her daughter was going to be going to a school like Prescott Academy. It was a prestigious private school that she was able to get into thanks to Martin's family connections. Primary school had become as cutthroat as applying for an Ivy League college. It was still so strange for her to walk the hallways of that gorgeous old building that even managed to smell like money. For as many years as she and Martin had been together it was still hard to get comfortable being surrounded by that kind of affluence. She wished she could say she would have been fine sending Grace to a public school but she knew that being Victor Fitzgerald's granddaughter was going to open a lot of doors and she wanted the best for her daughter and this school was one of them.

Sometimes she even felt like she was different from the other moms. Like they could sense she was brought up differently – like she wasn't really one of them; as if they could tell just by looking at her that she was a girl from Kenosha who grew up in trailer park. She found herself being hyper self-conscious and wanting to be sure that she did everything right when she was around them; to be free from their scrutinizing looks. She hated that she allowed them to make her feel inferior but as the years passed it became harder and harder to overcome. She once voiced those fears to Martin but he told her it was all in her head, that she was imagining it. However, despite his reassurances she still felt awkward and anxious in situations just like today.

XXX

_They entered the brightly lit classroom and found several parents milling around. The room was decorated in bright, vibrant colors and had several posters of the alphabet, numbers and barnyard animals on the wall. Some children were standing with their parents and some were playing in the carpeted area in the center of the room. _

_Sam looked at Martin and he nodded his head toward where the other parents stood near the bulletin board. They walked over and were instantly greeted by a mother who wore an impeccable pressed Chanel sweater ensemble complete with a string of pearls. She was accompanied by a little girl with pale blonde hair that was pulled back into French braids. _

"_Hello, we didn't get a chance to meet at the Orientation last week. I'm Leslie Warner," she held out her beautifully manicured hand. "And this is my daughter Lauren." She gestured to the little girl and added, "You must be Martin Fitzgerald and Samantha Spade; Grace's parents."_

"_Hello," Martin said with an easy smile as he quickly shook hands. _

_Sam extended her own hand and greeted Leslie before putting both her hands on Grace's shoulders and saying, "Say hello Gracie." _

"_Hi," Gracie said excitedly before starting to chat up Lauren. _

_Leslie smiled warmly and asked, "Is it Grace Spade or Fitzgerald?" She must have noticed the hesitant look on their faces because she quickly added, "I'm head of the PTA and I wanted to make sure to list Grace's name correctly and there was some confusion." _

"_It's Fitzgerald," Sam provided with a forced smile. She couldn't help but mentally compare herself to her, wondering where they would stack up. Sure, Leslie was stylish and wore clothes that reflected a life born of comfort but she probably never worked a day her life. Unlike Sam who worked for everything she ever had and still continued to work; as a federal agent nonetheless. _

"_Grace Fitzgerald, got it," she said with a warm smile that was directed more at Martin than her. "What a minute? Is your mother Katherine Fitzgerald?" _

"_Yes," he replied slightly taken off guard. "Do you know her?" _

"_Sort of, I met her at a judicial convention last year where she was the keynote speaker," Leslie shared before going on to explain that she had recently become a circuit court judge after working twelve years for the District Attorney's office; so much for Sam's earlier assessment. Leslie went on to add that she knew Jack's wife, Elaine, and that her father also worked in Washington for the State Department. They seemed to have loads in common. _

_And then Sam noticed that Leslie wasn't wearing a wedding band._

"_It's so funny that we know most of the same people," Martin commented before turning to Sam and saying, "Isn't that weird?" _

"_Astounding," she replied flatly as she reached over to hold Martin's hand as the anxious feeling in her gut returned. She did it more out of wanting to mark her territory than any actual need to touch him. She wasn't pleased to find out that Leslie wasn't the housewife princess that she had originally assumed her to be but it stung to know that she had so much in common with Martin. "So, Leslie, is there anything we should know about – you know, as far as the PTA is concerned?" _

"_Yes, I'm so glad you asked," she replied, her earlier enthusiasm tapering down a few notches. "All the parents are required to provide a classroom snack once a month. We've found that the kid's blood sugar runs low around 10:00 am and a little snack between breakfast and lunch really helps."_

"_And the tuition doesn't cover any of that?" Martin asked partly joking. _

"_No, I'm afraid not," Leslie replied with an apologetic smile. "So it's on us. I've spoken to the other parents and we all agree that we prefer that the snacks be fresh, wholesome, organic food and preferably something made from scratch at home."_

"_My mommy doesn't cook," Grace interrupted with a wide, knowing smile. "My daddy says it's because she loves us too much."_

"_I would never…" Martin laughed nervously as Sam gave him a steely glare. He quickly said, "Gracie why don't you and Lauren go play with the other kids?" _

"_Okay," she replied. That was the great thing about Grace: she was never shy about a chance to make a new friend. She invited Lauren to join her and ran off to chat with the other kindergarteners. _

_Martin squeezed her hand and softly said, "Sorry about that." _

"_Kids can be brutally honest," Leslie said with a smile in Sam's direction. _

"_Yeah, they don't give me any credit. I can absolutely make something for snack day," she replied, ignoring the curious look Martin was giving her. They both knew that she hadn't really cooked since she had given him food poisoning many years ago. Sure she heated up or put stuff in the mircrowave but she hadn't actually made anything from scratch. However, she was determined to not be outdone by the other moms. She may not have the background that those other women had but she was not about to embarrass her daughter so she was going to have to find a way to make it work. You can do this, she thought. _

"_Great," Leslie smiled again and handed them a sheet of paper. "Here is the calendar for the next three months. If you dates don't work for you just let me know and we can rearrange something. You can call me whenever," she said with her eyes on Martin. "My phone number is at the top." _

_He took the paper and said, "Thank you," when another parent called Leslie over and she excused herself. As soon as she was out of ear shot he looked over at Sam and said, "I think she seems nice."_

"_Yeah," she replied as she scanned the sheet for their days to bring a snack. Under her breath so he couldn't hear her she mumbled, "I bet you do."_

"_Attention!" Miss Kennedy the kindergarten teacher shouted as she stood in front of the classroom. She was relatively young with long stringy brown hair, cat eye glasses and wearing a peasant blouse top with jeans. She smiled at all of the parents and children and said, "I would like to welcome all of you to Room 206. My name is Angie Kennedy and I am going to be your children's teacher…" _

XXX

The elevator dinged announcing that they had arrived on their floor. They all exited and Danny headed to the bullpen while Martin and Sam lingered behind.

"Can you have lunch today?" he asked as he adjusted the strap on his briefcase bag.

"I don't think so," she replied trying to suppress the uneasy feeling coursing through her body. "I have a lot of paperwork and I should get it done so I get off early to go pick-up Gracie."

"Okay," he said as he leaned forward to give her a quick kiss. "See you later."

"Bye," she replied as she watched him walk away.

As he disappeared down the hall to his office she released the breath she had been holding all day. You can do this Sam, she reminded herself. You can be what he wants you to be: a happy mom, wife and agent. Just ignore those doubts and the anxious feeling in your gut.

You can do it.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

XXXXXXX

Martin headed to his office at the other end of the floor. He loved the feeling of coming into work and having his very own team. It had been just over three years now and it still managed to give him a thrill.

When he and Sam decided to get married bureau regulations prohibited them from working on the same team. For some arbitrary reason the FBI deemed it okay to have sex or live with someone from your team but marriage was a no-no. Apparently it meant that you were actually serious about the other person. So after a lot of long conversations and even a few fights, they decided, or rather Sam insisted that Martin be the one to transfer to another unit. She claimed that she had been in the unit longer so obviously he should be the one to transfer. He relented, more to keep the peace and keep Sam happy than for anything else. So Jack arranged to have him swap his position with Maggie Yen who had worked in another missing persons unit.

He hated to leave the team that was a second family to him but he found his new unit to be really great as well. It also turned out to be his lucky break because they landed a series of high profile cases one of which included the kidnapping of a senator's daughter. He had been the one to make the key connection linking the girl's disappearance to a cousin who had been disinherited from the family will. They were able to rescue the young girl without incident earning him a commendation in the process. After that the cases continuously turned in his favor so when his SAC announced that he was retiring the higher ups offered him the promotion and he happily accepted it.

He could still remember how excited he was to rush home and tell Sam the news. Whenever something excited happened to him he couldn't wait to share it with her because nothing was ever real until he did.

XXX

"_I'm home!" he shouted as he walked through the front door. He tossed his coat on the back of the sofa and his keys on the table. _

"_I'm still in the same place I was when you left!" Sam shouted back sarcastically. _

_He walked down the hall to the master bedroom where Sam had been confined to bed rest. Their second child was due in three weeks and it couldn't come fast enough for her; or him for that matter. A grumpy Sam being forced to sit still and relax wasn't fun for anyone. _

_He walked into the room loosening his tie and found her sitting in the center of the bed reclining against the headboard. She wasn't lying; she literally was in the same place she was when he left. He sat at the edge of the bed and leaned over to kiss her before asking, "How was your day?" _

"_Let's see," she replied as she began listing things off on her fingers. "I napped, I read, I watched TV, I surfed the net, and then I napped again. When I wasn't doing any of that I just sat here staring at my giant, enormous, huge belly." _

"_I'm sorry," he said as he placed his hand on her protruding stomach, smiling when he felt his little boy kick. "But it's only a few more weeks, right?" _

"_Yeah, a few more weeks of being bored out of my freakin' mind! I just want this one to be born already. I am so tired of being pregnant," she said miserably. She slumped as she rubbed the back of her neck. "I couldn't even get Gracie to stay here and keep me company. She would rather hang out with Frances and I couldn't blame her. At least Frances could go in her room and play with her. There is only so much I can do on this bed and….AUGH!"_

"_I know what will make you feel better, scoot up," he ordered as he maneuvered himself behind her and began massaging her back. Sam closed her eyes and murmured her appreciation. He worked the knots in her shoulders and softly asked, "So where are Frances and Grace?" _

"_They went to the store," she replied with her eyes still closed. She sighed heavily and said, "I never thought I would miss running mundane errands like buying groceries." _

"_I find that hard to believe," he joked as her body started to go limp and relax under his fingers. "Am I doing a good job madam?" _

"_Mmm…hmm," she replied as her lips curved up into a smile. "You have skilled hands Agent Fitzgerald." _

_He smiled at recognizing the opening to tell her his news and said, "Actually, it's now Special Agent in Charge Fitzgerald."_

_Sam went stiff and turned her head to look at him. "What?" _

_He gave her his most beatific grin and explained, "I've been offered the position of SAC of my unit. I know it would mean more hours but I really want it." _

_She watched him looking completely speechless. She inhaled and exhaled a few breaths before she said, "You've been…I mean, you've only been there for a few years…how did this happen?" _

_It was not the reaction he had not been hoping for so he slowly replied, "My SAC is retiring and they wanted to keep the team as intact as possible. I have the most experience in missing persons even though I hadn't been on the team the longest." _

"_Oh," she said as she turned back around so he couldn't see her face. _

_He dropped his hands from her back and said, "Oh? That's all you have to say is 'Oh'?" _

_She stared at the bed spread for a beat before looking at him over her shoulder and saying, "I'm sorry, it's good news. You must be really excited." _

"_Don't go putting yourself out with all the congratulations," he replied coolly. He moved so his back was flush with the headboard. _

_It took a little effort due to her size and condition but she managed to shift around so she could look at him fully and said, "I'm sorry, it just caught me off guard. I'm happy for you but I'm just worried that you won't be able to be around so much anymore and with the baby coming and…"_

_He shook his head and softly said, "Sam, you know that you and the kids will always come first."_

"_I know, I know." She groaned and said, "Augh, it's probably just my pregnancy hormones making me all mood swingy." She cupped his face with one hand and said, "I am excited for you but apparently I am shitty at showing it. I cry for detergent commercials for god's sake, clearly I am a mess. Ignore me. This is great news and I am so proud of you."_

_She leaned in and kissed him. As he kissed her somewhere in the back of his mind he couldn't ignore the fact that while she said she was excited for him he didn't quite believe her. _

_They broke apart and as he started to get ready to ask her about it the front door opened and they could hear Gracie racing down the hall shouting, "We're home! We're home!"_

XXX

After that day Sam was supportive and encouraging about his new position so he chalked it up to her pregnancy hormones; willfully ignoring the lingering doubts in the back of his mind.

He turned the corner and started into his office when Dawson Knox, one of his team, greeted him in his patented southern drawl. "Hey Martin, did you get little Gracie off to school today?"

"Yup, my daughter is officially a kindergartener," he replied with a proud grin as he walked into his office, taking a seat behind his desk.

"That's great," Dawson replied as he took one of the chairs on the other side of his desk.

"Yeah, she's getting to be so big," he replied to his junior agent. Dawson was ten years younger but he reminded him a lot of himself. He was tall, thin with dark brown hair and eyes. Martin quickly changed gears from daddy mode to SAC and asked, "So what's up? Learn anything new?"

"Yup," Dawson replied as he shifted and pulled out his notepad to update him on their latest case. "Raina and David talked to the foreman and he told them that he hadn't seen our guy since last week..."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

XXXXXXX

"Hi," Viv greeted as she opened the door to her apartment.

"Hey Viv," Jack replied as he, Elaine and Kate entered the apartment. He hung up his trench coat and took their sweaters and handed them to Marcus as they moved into the living room.

Reggie was sitting on the sofa with his arm wrapped around a curvy young woman with long straightened hair and big wide eyes. They were talking with a young man in his mid-twenties who wore wire framed glasses and had pale skin and dark hair and eyes. All of their eyes turned towards them and Viv made quick work of the introductions. She explained that the young woman was Reggie's girlfriend and judging by the tone of her voice this was not someone she wanted for a future daughter-in-law. The other young man was introduced as Marcus' graduate assistant, Henry Stoltzfus.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you Agent Malone," Henry said sounding genuine and not the least bit phony. "Vivian and Marcus talk about you all the time."

"Just be sure you don't believe everything you hear," Jack replied with mirth.

"Yeah, we don't want my dad's head to get any bigger," Kate chimed in with a devilish grin as she sat down next to Reggie.

Jack rolled his eyes but it did not escape his attention that Henry's gaze was set on Kate. Viv patted him on the shoulder chiding him for his over protectiveness and headed into the kitchen to check on dinner. Meanwhile, Marcus took all their drink orders and went to the bar to get them. Elaine followed him so they could discuss some of the latest political issues affecting City Hall. Jack knew that Elaine cherished talking politics with Marcus because he was a professor of Political Science and he could be counted on to come up with some interesting perspectives on situations. While all of the young people were getting to know each other Jack decided to head into the kitchen to talk to Viv.

She was standing at the island in the middle of the kitchen setting up some platters.

"So what's for dinner?" he asked as he leaned on the counter and scanned all of the various items littering the counter top.

She looked up and said, "Roasted chicken, new potatoes and asparagus."

Jack laughed and said, "Another delicious recipe from the heart smart cookbook?"

"Yup," she laughed and sighed, "I miss good old fried chicken, buttery mashed potatoes…"

"Stop," Jack said, "You're making my arteries clog up."

They smiled at each other and she leaned forward on the counter across from him. "So how are things Jack?"

"Same old, same old," he replied as he reached over and grabbed a cherry tomato from the salad bowl and popped it into his mouth.

"Yeah," she said with a wistful look on her face. He knew that as much as she liked teaching a NYU she still missed working as an agent. Being a special agent in the FBI wasn't just a job – it was who you were. You could never take it out of you.

"If you stay in here any longer I'm going to get suspicious," Marcus joked from the door way.

"You know me better than that," Viv replied as she stood up straight. "If I'm going to step out on you I think I can do better than a middle-aged white man." She gave Jack a playful look and added, "I mean, I have agile men in their early twenties in my class everyday who would do just about anything for an 'A'."

"Maybe so," Jack said as he stood up to follow them out the door. "But they probably don't have my charm."

Viv laughed and as she moved out of the kitchen added, "I've seen your charm, Jack, and you can keep it."

He laughed.

A short while later they were all seated around the dining room table happily eating and chatting away. Jack took a drink of his wine and glanced around the table. He enjoyed these moments that allowed him to be surrounded by people he cared about; they were far and few between. Marcus, Henry and Reggie were chatting about Reggie's new job at an architecture firm, Elaine was talking with Joy about shoes, and Viv was talking with Kate about school.

"So, Kate, are you excited about any classes this semester?" Viv asked as she took a bite of her chicken.

"Honestly, I've been so preoccupied by trying to find a new apartment that I haven't had much time to think about it," Kate answered with a heavy sigh. Jack glanced over at his daughter who was in a frenzy to find a place to live. "My roommate who is subletting the place I live in now from one of her dad's friends just announced that she wants to just live with her boyfriend. So my other roommates and I have to find a new apartment within the month."

"Not an easy task if you still want to live close to the university," Viv replied with a grimace of sympathy.

"Tell me about it," Kate grumbled as she stabbed her asparagus with her fork. "Everything is either incredibly expensive or instead of a doorman I have a crack addict living in my lobby."

"I told you that you can move it with us," Jack offered as Elaine nodded her head in agreement.

"Um, thanks but I'm going to keep looking," Kate replied with a polite smile. "But if I get really desperate I'll make sure to let you know."

Viv and Marcus laughed as Jack narrowed his eyes at his youngest girl before joining in himself. He knew that Kate would hate living at home again. She loved her independence, being free to come and go as she wished.

Henry wiped his mouth with his napkin, looked over at Kate and said, "You know, there is going to be a vacancy in my building next month."

"Really? What's the rent?" Kate asked hopefully. "Do you know how many rooms?"

"I think it is two bedrooms and I'm not quite sure about the cost but I do know its rent control and the tenant is an old lady who is moving to Boca Raton," Henry said cheerfully. "I can talk to her tomorrow for you if you want."

"I would love that!" she exclaimed.

"Great," Henry said as he lifted up his glass of wine. "Just be sure to give me your phone number before you leave."

Kate nodded her head and said, "Definitely."

"If its rent control you better be ready to suck up," Elaine said with a smile. "Those are the hottest properties in the city and they're highly competitive."

"I am fully prepared to be the biggest suck-up in the city," Kate replied with a wink.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

XXXXXXX

"So, how does Grace like school?" Emma asked as she took a drink of her ice water.

"She loves it," Sam answered. "Miss Kennedy taught the class to sing 'Three Little Birds' and now she wanders around the house singing all the time. She even taught Nate some of the lyrics."

"Is it making you crazy yet?" Danny asked as he grabbed a piece of bread out of the basket.

"I'll take Bob Marley over 'The Wheels on the Bus' any day of the week," Martin said before Sam could answer. So she just nodded her head in agreement even though there were times she wished the kids came with mute buttons.

As the two men started discussing possibly co-coaching the twins little league team Sam took a drink of her wine and asked Emma, "So what's the deal with that PTA woman, Leslie Warner?"

Emma laughed. "Oh, you mean el presidente? I see you met the school's version of a Stepford mom."

"Oh yeah," she replied casually.

"Her older daughter had a class with Diego and Michael last year," Emma said knowingly. "She is probably one of those women who didn't feel like an inadequate whale when she was pregnant and still managed to make all of the meals out of organic fruits and veggies."

"And from scratch," Sam replied as she nodded her head.

"Exactly," Emma took another drink of her water and said, "I mean, I could save a life in the ER but she can still manage to make me feel like less of a mom because I didn't pack the boy's lunches myself."

"You too huh?" she asked, happy to find someone who shared her insecurities.

"Yeah but you just have to let it slide off," Emma replied as she put down her glass so she could butter up a piece of bread. "There are always going to be those kinds of women but you just have to ignore them and be the best mom you can."

"Yeah," Sam sighed solemnly as she ran her fingers up the stem of her wineglass.

The waiter appeared to take their orders. Sam placed hers first and as the others asked questions about the specials her thoughts drifted to when she picked up Gracie from school on her daughter's very first day.

XXX

_She was running late. She had tried to leave early enough so she'd get there before classes let out but there was a problem with one of the case reports and she had to stop by Jack's office to help him locate the missing notes causing her to leave ten minutes late. Then the elevator had to stop on every single floor as it headed down, it took her another five minutes to catch a cab only to get stuck in traffic. She tried calling Frances to see if she could pick her up but she was in Hoboken visiting a friend. And when she called Melanie she was still at the zoo with the Eli and Nate since Diego and Nate were going to a friend's house after school to play._

_She called the school to tell the administrative staff that she was indeed picking up her daughter but she would be about ten minutes late. After the receptionist made a snippy comment about managing time wisely she said she would tell Miss Kennedy that she would have to wait with Gracie until her mom arrived. _

_Needless to say, Sam felt like the shittiest mother in the city of New York. _

_The cab finally pulled to a stop in front of the school and she tossed some cash at the driver and dashed into the brick building. Unlike the crowded halls earlier that morning the corridors were empty and her heels made loud clicking sounds as she sprinted towards Gracie's classroom. _

_She reached the room at last, swung the door open and said, "I am so sorry…"_

_Miss Kennedy quickly stopped her by interrupting and saying, "Mrs. Spade, thank you so much for letting Gracie stay late to help me get the classroom organized," she gave her a wide, sympathetic smile and finished, "I really appreciated the extra help and Gracie was a great little assistant."_

_It took Sam a beat to understand that the teacher had covered for her. Instead of telling Grace that her mom was late picking her up – something kids hate – she made it seem like she had requested that Grace stay after to help her out. Sam wanted to either weep in gratitude or kiss the young woman on the lips. "Um, really…that's great to hear." _

_Gracie dashed up to her wide a wide smile and said, "Mom, I helped Miss Kennedy put all the books away and I got to erase the chalkboard and I helped feed the fish." _

_Sam swallowed the feeling of failure disguised as a big lump in her throat and smiled at her beautiful girl. "You did?"_

"_Yeah," she replied proudly. "And today we learned a new song, watch." Grace stepped back and moved her hands as she sang, "Don't worry about a thing, 'cause every little thing gonna be all right. Singin': don't worry about a thing, 'cause every little thing gonna be all right…" _

"_That's wonderful," she said as she tried to steady her breathing. _

"_Grace has a beautiful voice," Miss Kennedy praised as the little girl beamed with pride. _

"_Yes she does," Sam smiled over at the friendly teacher and said to Grace, "Why don't you tell Miss Kennedy goodbye so we can go home."_

"_Okay," Grace said as she turned around and ran up to Miss Kennedy. She stood a few feet in front of the petite teacher and waved her little hand saying, "Bye Miss Kennedy. See you tomorrow!" _

_Miss Kennedy returned the smile and wave and said, "See you later alligator."_

"_After while crocodile," Grace replied happily as she ran to the door and opened it. _

_Sam followed Grace and stopped at the door, looking over at Miss Kennedy. While Grace was completely oblivious to what had happened it didn't make Sam feel like any less of a failure. It was her daughter's first day at school and she couldn't even pick her up on time. She wanted to find some way to tell her how grateful she was that she had covered for her but all that came out was, "Thank you."_

"_No problem," Miss Kennedy said softly with tender, compassionate eyes and said, "Have a nice night, Mrs. Spade." _

XXX

"What do you think, Sam?"

It took her a second to register that Martin was talking to her. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

He gave her a perplexed look before saying, "I asked if you wanted to split the shrimp cocktail."

"Yeah, sure," she replied with a smile, "Sounds good."

He nodded his head and gave the waiter the order and his menu. After the waiter left Danny and Emma starting discussing if they should call and check-in with Melanie.

Sam took another sip of her wine as Martin looked over at her and asked, "You okay? You seem a little distracted."

"I'm fine," she replied before leaning over and giving him a quick kiss. She pulled back and said again, "I'm perfectly fine."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

XXXXXXX

Martin sat at his desk preparing for the SAC's weekly meeting with Van Doren. He was reviewing his notes from Dustin's last case report when his telephone rang. He closed the file and reached over answering, "Fitzgerald."

"Oh, good, you are alive. I was beginning to worry that I was going to have to file a missing persons report," Katherine said cheerfully into the phone.

"Hey mom, sorry, things have been crazy," he apologized. He knew his mom had been trying to reach him for the last few days. "What's up? How's dad?"

"He's driving me crazy, as usual. I know I always said I couldn't wait for him to retire so we could spend more time together but now that he is I would give anything for him to have to go back to work," she replied with a laugh. His dad retired five months ago and since he now had so much free time he seemed to be filling it by hovering around Katherine.

"I thought you said he finally found a good golfing buddy," Martin replied as he flipped through some of his other agent's notes.

"Yes, Fletcher Randall. However, he's visiting his grandchildren for the month so now your father has decided to fill his time by trying to fix things around the house."

Martin laughed. "Please tell me you're joking. I can still remember when he flooded the basement when he tried to fix a leaky pipe under the kitchen sink when I was ten."

"I wish I were," she replied with a laugh of her own. "So that's why I called. I was wondering if maybe we could plan a trip up to visit. I haven't seen my gorgeous grandchildren in months and it would get your father out of my house before he destroys it."

He leaned back in his chair and asked, "What dates were you thinking about?"

"Maybe during Halloween? I'd love to take the kids trick-or-treating before I have to start using a walker," she said with mirthful sarcasm.

"I'd have to double check with Sam but I think it should be fine," he replied as he opened up his email account to send Sam a quick message asking if the dates worked for her as well. He knew she was out in the field and this wasn't urgent enough to bother her when she might be interviewing someone.

Katherine was quiet a beat before she gingerly asked, "How is Sam doing?"

He stopped his typing and said, "What do you mean?"

"Well, I talked to her last week and she seemed not quite like herself," Katherine replied softly. She paused and then gently asked, "I know it isn't my place but are things going okay between you two?"

Martin looked at the message he had typed so far and sighed heavily. "I honestly don't know," he swiveled around in his chair to look at the pictures sitting on his desk. He stared at the photo of him and Sam taken on the _Muireann_ a few months after they got married. "She's been distracted lately and whenever I ask her how she is doing she just tells me she is fine and then changes the subject."

"Well, I know it's hard when your kids start school. Maybe she's just dealing with the fact that her babies are growing up," she hypothesized.

"Maybe," he breathed.

"I'm sure it's nothing to be worried about," Katherine continued before adding, "But keep asking her. She'll open up when she's ready."

He nodded even though she couldn't see him over the phone. "Thanks, I hope you're right."

"I'm your mother, I'm always right," she replied with a laugh. "Okay, I better let you get back to work. You'll never make AD if you chat on the phone all day."

He shook his head; smiling that after all these years his parents still had their minds on his career. "Thanks for the advice mom."

"Like I said, I'm always right," she quickly retorted. "Call me back after you talk to Sam so I book our plane tickets."

"You got it."

"Goodbye Martin," she replied cheerfully.

"Goodbye mom," he said as he hung up the phone.

He picked up the photo sitting on his desk and leaned back in his chair. He ran his fingers over the image. He held the camera out with his arm to take a photo since it was just the two of them out on the boat that afternoon. Sam was laughing and her hair was windblown and whipping around her face while Martin held the camera with one hand and his other was wrapped around her waist.

They had gone down to visit his parents and took the boat out for the night. He tried teaching Sam some basics of sailing – something she never really took to even after all these years but he didn't care. It was fantastic to just be out there in the open water, just the two of them. He still considered it to be one of the best weekends of his life

XXX

_They were on the deck wrapped up in blankets together under a sky filled with stars. They sat side by side, his arm loosely draped over Sam's shoulder as she snuggled up against his side. They were looking out quietly at the blackened sky and waters; the only sound was their breathing and the waves lapping up against the boat. _

_He took a drink of his beer when Sam shifted and said, "Okay, so that long horizontal pipe thingy that is usually attached to the bottom of the sail is called the boom, right?" _

"_Yes," he replied with a laugh before clarifying, "but we call the pipe thingy a 'spar'." _

"_A 'spar,' I got it," she replied as she took a drink of her own beer. She pointed to one side of the boat and said, "Starboard is the right side of the boat and port is the left." _

"_You catch on pretty quick," he said as he pressed a kiss to her temple. _

_She laughed and replied, "I'm glad your impressed so far because I still have no idea what in the hell that thing is over there." _

_He followed her gaze and asked, "Are you talking about that metal drum shaped device?" She nodded her head and he explained, "That's called a winch and you use it to help trim sails."_

"_Aye, aye captain," she said as she snuggled deeper against him. She looked up at the night sky and said, "Look at all those stars. It's a shame we don't get to see them living in New York."_

"_Yeah," he murmured in agreement. They were quiet for a few beats when Martin spotted a falling star. _

_Sam gasped aloud and pointed upward, "Did you see that?"_

"_Yeah, hurry and make a wish," he replied._

_She smiled and closed her eyes. After a couple of seconds she opened them up and turned her head to look at him, "Alright. Did you make a wish, too?" _

_He shook his head and said, "No."_

_She gave him an incredulous look and asked, "Why not?"_

"_I already got my wish," he smiled at her and finished, "You married me."_

XXX

He put the picture down and looked back over at the email he began earlier. He ran his hand over his chin before reaching over to pick up the telephone and quickly dialing.

She picked up on the second ring. "Spade."

"Hey, do you have a minute to talk?" he asked.

"Yeah, we're just driving to interview someone who might have seen our MP," she replied. "What's up?"

"My mom called and she wants to know if she and dad can come up for a visit during Halloween."

"Um, that should be fine," she replied. "I'm sure the kids would like to see them."

"Yeah," he took a breath before continuing. "I was thinking that we should take advantage while they're in town. We could have them watch the kids and we could have a night to ourselves. Catch a show or maybe even check into a hotel for a night. What do you think?"

She was quiet for a few beats before finally saying, "I think that is a great idea."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

XXXXXXX

Sam stood in her bedroom folding laundry with a vengeance. It was close to midnight but seeing as she couldn't sleep she thought she would do something that was productive but still relatively quiet since the rest of the house was sound asleep. She blew out a huff of breath and put Martin's t-shirts in the dresser drawer. She tried to make as little noise as possible since Katherine and Victor were in the guest room in the upstairs and Gracie and Nate were tucked into their own beds down the hall. Martin's parents took the kids to the park and the FAO Schwartz to let them buy whatever toys they wanted. So they came home exhausted but completely spoiled. It was during visits like these that Sam appreciated the fact that they lived in different cities. While they had other grandchildren it was painfully obvious that Gracie and Nate had special places in both their hearts. Particularly since Nate was the only grandson and carried the Fitzgerald name.

She pulled the last of the clothes out of the basket and glanced at the clock on the nightstand wondering what time Martin was going to finally come home. She tried shaking off the petulant feelings simmering inside of her. She didn't want to be upset but she couldn't help it. This was the night that she and Martin were supposed to sneak away for a little alone time but he got a last minute case; the kidnapping case of the wife of a wealthy banker. He had been working almost the entire weekend, coming home for a few hours to sleep and shower before heading back out again.

While the agent in her understood completely, the woman in her was crushed. She was hoping that if they could get some much needed alone time that maybe they could work on bridging the gap that was steadily growing between them. A gap that she had singled handedly made wider the night before without Martin even having knowing it.

XXX

_Sam was standing in front of the mirror in her bedroom trying to get her witch's hat to stay in place but the damn thing kept sliding off. She grabbed some hair pins when she heard Martin come into the room behind her. _

"_Hey," he said as he wandered in, looking worn and weary. _

"_Hi, I didn't think we'd see you tonight," Sam said as she adjusted her hat. _

"_I need a shower and I thought I'd come see the kids in their costumes," he replied as he rubbed the back of his neck. He sat on the edge of the bed and said, "You look good."_

"_Thanks," she replied before refocusing her attention on her costume. _

"_Daddy! Look at my dress!" Grace shouted as she rushed into the room to greet him. She decided that for Halloween she wanted to be Dorothy from "The Wizard of Oz." Which was why Sam agreed to dress up as the Wicked Witch of the West when she just as soon take the kids out wearing a pair of comfy jeans and a pullover. _

"_Wow," he said as she twirled around the room. _

_She continued with a big grin saying, "And mommy braided my hair just like in the movie and look at my shoes!" She held out her small foot to show him her ruby slippers. _

"_You looked great sweetie," he smiled at her. He stood up and looked at Sam asking, "Where's everyone else?" _

"_Your mom is in the kitchen and your dad is helping Nate with his costume," she replied. While she enjoyed visiting with Katherine and Victor, she still preferred to do it with Martin. But since he had been tied up with work she had not only been doing all the socializing but all of the parental duties as well. _

_As if on que, Nate came running in wearing his Batman costume. It seemed their little boy shared his father's love of superheroes. Martin smiled at him and said, "Holy caped crusader. It's Batman!" _

_Nate giggled when Victor came down the hall wearing a tuxedo. Martin looked at him quizzically and asked, "And who are you supposed to be?" _

_Victor frowned and said, "Apparently I'm supposed to be someone named Alfred. At least that's what Katherine told me. Who in the hell is Alfred?" _

"_He's Batman's butler," Martin explained, laughing as a look of mortification crossed his father's face. _

"_Daddy, are you taking us trick-or-treating?" Grace eagerly asked as she practiced clicking her heels. _

"_No, sorry sweetie," he said as he crouched down in front of her. "I have to work but promise to save me some of those little candy bars okay?" _

_Grace jutted out her lower lip in disappointment and said, "Oh-kay." _

_Martin playfully tugged on the curl at the end of her braid and said, "I'm sorry, I really want to go." Grace looked up at him and nodded her head while sighing heavily. "But I promise that as soon as I am done we'll sit on the sofa and watch 'The Wizard of Oz,' okay?" _

"_Do you promise that we'll watch the whole thing together and you won't fast forward when you think I won't notice?" she asked._

_Sam stifled a laugh realizing that their daughter had finally caught on to her daddy's cinematic tricks. He threw Sam a dirty look before lifting up his hand and saying to Grace, "I promise." _

"_Okay," she accepted with a smile. _

_Sam held her plastic witch nose in her hand and said, "Gracie, why don't you go into the kitchen with your brother and get your plastic pumpkins from your grandma so we can head out."_

"_I'll go, too," Victor said as he followed the two tykes. "I'd like to talk to your grandma about my costume choice. Make me a butler…"_

_Martin followed them out with his eyes as he loosened his tie. He looked over at where she stood and said, "What time does the carnival at the school start?"_

"_Six p.m.," she answered as she placed the wart riddled nose on her face. "Any updates on the case?" _

_He shook his head. "No new leads so we're still on for the ransom drop tomorrow morning." He pulled of his tie and started unbuttoning his shirt. "I'm sorry our plans were ruined." _

"_Not your fault," she said quickly as she grabbed her black robe. "That's the job right." Under her breath she mumbled, "You get to work as an SAC and I get to play the witch." _

"_I'm sorry?" he asked from where he hovered in the doorway to the bathroom. "Did you say something?" _

_She looked over at where he stood wanting to tell him about all of the things racing through her mind lately. He feelings of inadequacy as a mom, as an agent, as a wife; her underlying jealousy that his career was advancing faster than hers even though she had been an agent just as long, and that ever since Grace started school she had begun to feel an increasing sense of dread and she could pinpoint just why she was constantly afraid of failing. She wanted to tell him all of that but instead she just smiled at him and said, "I didn't say anything. Go shower, you look exhausted." _

_He watched her for a beat looking like he doubted her before nodding his head and disappearing into the bathroom. _

XXX

She hadn't seen him since then. Apparently the ransom drop off got fouled up when the husband decided to try and negotiate on his own and the kidnappers managed to escape with a million dollars and his wife. Martin had called to tell her that he most likely wouldn't be home until after midnight.

She finished folding the clothes and put the basket in the closet. That task done she decided she might as well get to bed. She got changed and crawled under the covers glancing at the clock on the nightstand that read: 1:38 am. She reached over to switch off the light when her cell phone rang. She quickly reached over to answer it, "Spade."

"Hey," Martin said; his voice hoarse and grainy.

"Hi," she replied before carefully asking, "What's going on?"

He was quiet and she could hear sirens and chatter in the background. A nervous knot formed in her belly as she waited for Martin to finally say something. A beat later he said, "We found her…"

He didn't have to finish the sentence for her to know that they had found the woman dead. "I'm sorry, Martin. Do you want…?"

"Listen, I'm not going to be home tonight," he interrupted quickly.

"Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?" she asked tenderly. She knew that he always took these types of cases hard.

"Not right now, thanks though," he replied before growing quiet again. "I have to go I just wanted to call and let you know what's going on."

"Okay, thanks," she replied.

He was quiet a few beats when he finally said, "Sam, it goes both ways. I want you to know you can talk to me too."

"I know."

"Do you?" he asked. She grew quiet, caught off guard by his words. She must have been silent too long for him because he gruffly said, "Yeah, okay, goodnight Sam."

He hung up before she had a chance to reply.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

XXXXXXX

"Who wants more wine?" Viv asked as she uncorked another bottle. After a unanimous round of 'me!' she refilled Sam, Emma, and Elaine's glasses before pouring what was left into her own glass. Wine was her one indulgence and it was always just one or two glasses of red but it never stopped her from making sure the other women had plenty to drink.

Once she was done pouring she sat back down on her chair and took a sip. Once a month, they would all get together for their book club meeting. They have yet to actually discuss a book that they've read but they managed to fill up all of time by drinking wine and gossiping; usually about work, kids and husbands.

"How's Reggie doing?" Emma asked as she reached over to pick up some cheese from the platter in the center of the coffee table.

"He's great. He just got a big promotion at work," Viv replied as she ran her fingers over the embroidery on the pillow next to her. "He's now a junior associate architect something or other. I can't remember his new title exactly but he's very excited."

"That's great," Elaine said as he popped a grape into her mouth. "Is he still seeing that young woman, what was her name?"

"Joy," Viv replied flatly.

Sam smiled and asked, "You don't like Joy?"

"I don't have anything against the girl personally," she answered before quickly adding, "I just don't want her dating my son."

"Watch out, Viv," Elaine warned. "You are starting to sound like a mother-in-law who thinks no one is good enough for her baby boy."

"I do not," she replied indignant. She looked pointedly at the three women who said nothing but just smiled. She turned to Sam seeking some support but her blonde friend just shrugged her shoulders and took a long drink of her wine. Conceding defeat she lamented, "She's just so irritating and prissy and full of herself." She paused and said, "She's just the worst kind of woman; manipulative, controlling, just awful. Elaine you don't know how lucky you are to have a gay son. I'm sure gay men are much easier."

"Hey, now," Elaine said sounding slightly offended. "He may be gay but he still dates some men I don't like. The last one he dated was an unemployed 'actor' who never picked up after himself and ended up cheating on Michael." She picked up her wine glass and finished, "And if I ever see him walking around the city he better hope I'm not behind the wheel of a car."

Viv laughed. "I know what you mean."

"I don't know about you, Sam, but I'm starting to get worried when my boys get old enough to date," Emma said as he tore off a piece of bread from the baguette. "They are so mischievous now I am dreaded when their hormones get involved too."

"I can already tell that Martin is going to have a double standard when it comes to the kids," Sam replied with a soft laugh. "He said Grace can't date until she's in high school but when you ask him about Nate it's not even an issue."

Elaine laughed and said, "I think that is pretty typical of all fathers. Sometimes Jack acts like his daughters are still little girls and he can decide who they get to hang out with and when. When we moved Kate into her dorm he ran a background check on the resident advisor because he flirted with her."

"He didn't!" Viv exclaimed, enjoying this little bit of insight into Jack's fatherly side.

"Oh, he did and when Kate found out she hit the roof," Elaine shared with a grin.

"He told her?" Sam asked in surprise.

"Hell no," Elaine replied as she grabbed another little bundle of grapes. "It slipped out when they got into a fight about her taking a road trip with him and a few of her other friends. He told her she wasn't allowed to travel with someone who had been ticketed for speeding three times in the last four years."

"That's priceless," Viv chuckled. "He can interrogate criminals but he can't hold his own up against his youngest daughter."

"My dad was worse," Emma laughed. "On my very first date I was fourteen and it was a boy/girl dance at the school. My date was Ricky Cooper and my dad answered the door wearing his old military uniform from when he served in Vietnam, hip holster included. He sat Ricky down for a long chat while he cleaned his gun. It scared Ricky so badly that even when we danced he kept a full arms length apart."

"That's nothing," Viv chimed in. "I had to go to an all-girls Catholic school and my dad didn't even let me date until I was seventeen. And when I started dating he made me call in every fifteen minutes. Needless to say, I didn't get a lot of second dates."

"I dated the boy next door and my parents loved him so they were fine with it," Elaine said casually. "Of course, that is until I got pregnant when we were nineteen. Then suddenly my dad eyed him like he was a felon just released on parole who took advantage of his naïve, innocent daughter."

"What is it about dad's always thinking of their daughters as perpetually being little girls who need protecting?" Emma said as she took a sip of her wine.

As Emma and Elaine compared notes about over-protective fathers Viv glanced over at Sam who remained quiet and pensive, just listening and smiling but not contributing any stories of her own. She knew that her friend still had a lot of issues that stemmed from her father's abandonment when she was a little girl. While she almost never talked about it there was no denying that it left a huge gaping hole in her life.

Wanting to change the subject before she withdrew further into herself Viv asked, "Samantha, you'll never guess who I saw working at the Starbucks on avenue A the other day."

Sam looked at her questioningly and asked, "Who?"

"Bob Bellaqua," Viv replied with a wince and a grin. She still loved sharing the story when she and Sam chased down Bob when they were searching for a Jessica Prince, the private investigator who went missing so many years ago.

Sam laughed and asked, "Are you serious? Was he wearing clothes this time?"

"Who's Bob Bellaqua?" Elaine asked curiously.

Viv smiled at Sam who was holding her hand to her mouth to stifle her laughter. "Bob Bellaqua is man that both Sam and I had the displeasure of seeing naked."

Emma leaned in curious. "What? He wasn't good looking?"

"No!" they shouted simultaneously. Viv added, "We made him put clothes on."

"Yeah, a pink silk robe to be specific," Sam added with a wink.

Viv puffed up and said, "Better that robe than my jacket."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

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"Here you go," Danny said as he handed Martin a diet soda.

"Thanks," Martin replied as he returned his focus to the football game on the TV.

He sat down on the opposite end of the sofa and grabbed a slice of the now cooled pizza; something he had grown accustomed to after having three kids was learning that a parent never gets to eat first. In the background he could hear all of the kids laughing and arguing so he knew they were fine. The game cut to commercial and Martin leaned forward and grabbed another slice himself and bit into it.

Danny stopped mid-chew and asked, "How was the visit with you parents?"

Martin shrugged and replied, "Fine I guess. I didn't really get to see them but Sam and the kids seemed to have fun."

"It's nice that she gets along so well with your folks," he replied with his eyes on the TV. "It helps."

"Yeah, it does." Martin said as he cast him a sympathetic look before returning his attention to the game.

Danny nodded and swallowed. Martin knew full well about his issues with Emma's father. They had even bonded over it since Sam's mother wasn't exactly super enthusiastic about her starting up with Martin after all that had happened. For the first few years she gave him a hard time about breaking her daughter's heart but he eventually managed to win her over; something Danny didn't think he would ever do with his own in-laws. He stared at the game as his mind drifted back to a brunch with Emma's parents a few weeks ago.

XXX

_He and Emma sat across from her parents at their dining room table as the boys ran off to play in their bedrooms. He took another drink of his coffee and listened as Emma and her parents chatted about some family friends who he couldn't even remember having met. _

"_I ran into John and Kitty Weatherly at the club last weekend," her mom, Marilyn, chimed happily. "They send their love." _

_Emma stirred some cream into her coffee and casually asked, "How are they doing?" _

"_Wonderful now that John is getting ready to retire," her dad, Richard, replied. "In fact he asked about you; about whether or not you were happy at the hospital."_

"_He did?" Emma said sounding surprised. "And what did you tell him?"_

"_I told him you liked it fine," Richard said sounding calm and casual. "He was disappointed because he was hoping to recruit you. Bradford is looking for an internal medicine doctor to work in his practice." _

"_Oh, is he?" Emma replied, her voice sounding a bit tight. _

_Sensing her tone Danny asked, "Who is Bradford?" _

_She blew out a breath and turned to look at him replying, "He's just an old friend."_

"_Now dear, he was more than that, I mean you were engaged," Marilyn said in her patented sing-song voice. _

"_Excuse me?" Danny asked trying to suppress the feeling of being sucker punched by this revelation. _

"_We were not engaged," Emma replied quickly, shaking her head adamantly. She reached over and grabbed his hand repeating, "We dated for a while but we were never, ever engaged."_

"_Well it was implied when he asked his parents for his grandmother's ring," Richard said with a smile on his face that was aimed more at Danny than anyone else. _

"_It doesn't matter, I broke up with him before he ever had a chance to ask," Emma replied, giving her parents a warning look. _

"_Still, he was a good man. Handsome, educated, successful and he plays a mean game of golf." Richard smiled smugly as he leaned back into his chair adding, "And now he is running a very successful medical practice here in New York." _

_Danny worked his tongue into his jaw, resisting the urge to wipe the grin off of his father in law's face with his fist. He knew precisely what the man was doing and he was not about to be baited into it. He gave him an equally smug smile and said, "Well, it doesn't matter now; Emma is married to me." _

"_That's right," she replied with a smile as she reached over to kiss him on the cheek. She gave his hand a gentle, reassuring squeeze and stood up to start clearing the table. "Anyone want another cup of coffee as long as I am up?"_

"_I'll take a cup, babe," he said to Emma as he smiled over at Richard who had a bristled look on his face. _

XXX

He smiled at the memory. It was one of the few times that Emma stood up to her parents when it was obvious that they were using an underhanded method of criticizing him. He smiled at the TV but not watching, just appreciating the quiet moment to savor the memory when he realized just how quiet it was.

"Hey, do you hear that?" Danny asked as his gaze shifted down the hall to the boy's bedroom.

"I don't hear anything," Martin replied as he took another drink of his soda.

"Exactly," Danny said as he jumped off the sofa and started down the hall. "When it comes to my boys quiet is never good."

Martin stood up and followed him down the hall where they found Nate standing outside the bathroom door eating some Oreo's. He had chocolate smudged all around his mouth as he happily devoured the crème filled treat.

Martin looked down at his son and asked, "Where did you get those cookies?"

Nate looked at the confection in his hand before his eyes darted to the closed door. He returned his focus to the cookie and stared at it for a beat before finally mumbling, "Umm…Mike gave it to me."

Martin turned to look at Danny and said, "It's a bribe."

He nodded his head in agreement and decided that surprise was the best tactic. He pushed open the door and shouted, "What in the hell is going on!"

All of the children froze as the two men stood there agape at the chaos. Eli had his right hand shoved in the toilet while Mike was trying to pull him from behind. Diego had his own hand in the water as well and was trying to yank Eli's hand out with his own while Gracie stood on the other side squeezing baby oil into the water. The moment was deathly silent for a split second when in all the children started shouting out their proclamations of innocence in rapid fire response, "I didn't do anything! It's not my fault! He made me do it! I told you Nate wasn't a good lookout!"

"Quiet!" he shouted back. He pointed to Mike and said, "Start explaining."

Mike went pale and wide eyed as he started his confession, "We tied a string to Eli's toy submarine so we could see if it got flushed it if we could pull it back but it got stuck and since Eli's hands are the smallest we had him try and get it out but he got stuck too and…"

He held up his hands and said, "Stop. Just stop, I think I get it." He blew out a breath and held his hand to cover his mouth. He knew he looked like he was thinking when in actuality he was trying his best to try and prevent himself from laughing. If he laughed then the boys would know that they weren't going to get in trouble but he needed to show some fatherly discipline so he forced himself to not give in. He turned to Martin who looked like he wanted to laugh too but was restraining himself; his lips were clenched tight but his smile was obvious.

He cleared his throat and said, "Alright, Diego, Mike and Gracie get away and wait over here by the bathroom door." The three kids carefully and quietly walked over and stood there waiting to see what the two men were going to do. He looked at Martin and asked, "What do you think?"

"Well," Martin walked up to the toilet and surveyed the situation. He tugged on Eli's arm and said, "I have no idea."

Danny huffed out a breath and tried tugging on Eli's arm himself but it was stuck in there but good. He surveyed the situation further and came up with a plan. "We could flush out the water, unscrew the base and try to push his hand out from the other side."

"Sounds like a good idea," Martin agreed.

The two men got to work on the task as the children watched with fascination from the doorway. Danny unscrewed the final bolt and they started to pick up the base when water started gushing out from the exposed pipe.

"Yeah!" the kids shouted, laughing wildly.

He looked at Martin and said, "I thought you turned off the water!"

"I thought you did!"

"Shit!" Danny said as they quickly put the toilet down and frantically tried to turn off the water valve. By the time they finished the bathroom floor was flooded. He looked at the twins and said, "Go get some towels and start mopping up the water."

They nodded and disappeared down the hall, coming back with piles of towels. He told the boys to give one to him and Martin and use the others to soak up the water. They handed him the two before tossing the rest onto the floor, dragging them around with their socked feet.

Danny wiped his drenched hair with the dry towel before tossing it on the floor with the others. He looked at Martin who did the same before saying, "Okay, let's try this again."

Martin nodded and was about to reach down to pick up the toilet when he went shock still. Danny was about to ask what was going on when he heard Emma's voice, "What is all this?"

He winced and turned around to find Sam and Emma hovering in the doorway holding bags labeled "Cold Stone Creamery" with shocked expressions on their faces. He tried to picture how insane the scene must have looked to them. Everyone was soaking wet, the floor was a mess of water drenched towels, he and Martin were holding onto a toilet with his youngest son's arm shoved inside. So he put on his best smile, looked at Emma and casually said, "Hi honey. I see you bought some ice cream."

"Yeah, Sam and I thought you guys might want to have a treat." Emma raised an eyebrow at him and said, "So are you going to tell me what in the hell is going on?"

"Well, your sons…" he began before going on to explain what had happened. "And now we are trying to get Eli's hand free."

Emma stared at him for a beat before sighing resolutely and turning to Sam saying, "Can you take the kids to the kitchen and give them the ice cream while I try to see if I can help in here?"

"Sure," Sam replied as she called all the kids over.

The kids trudged through the wet towels and as they passed Emma said, "And just because you are getting ice cream it doesn't mean you aren't in trouble."

"Like what?" Diego asked; both he and Mike had big, sad puppy dog eyes and guilty expressions on their faces.

"No video games for a week for one," Emma said sternly. "You're father and I will think of what else as soon as we free your little brother."

"Okay," Mike said sadly as he headed out the door. Danny almost felt bad for him when Mike changed gears and eagerly asked Sam, "Is there anything with cookie dough?"

Sam shook her head laughingly at Martin and Danny as she replied to the young boy, "Yes there is."

Danny was about to chastise his son for not feeling more guilty when Eli pulled his hand out of the toilet and ran up to Sam shouting, "I want dough ice cream too!"

All of the adults stared at the little boy in amazement when Emma looked down at him in disbelief and asked, "How did you get your hand out?"

Eli shrugged and said, "I let go of the toy."

Behind him he heard Martin laughing. Trying to suppress the mounting feeling of frustration building inside of him he asked, "You were holding it!"

Eli nodded his head unapologetically in a way that only a three year old can and get away with it. Danny could not believe that his son had put them all through this because he lacked the common sense to just let go of a plastic toy. Realizing he was on the verge, Emma promptly moved in front of the tyke and said, "Sweetie, come with me before your dad's head explodes."

Danny clenched his fists, fluctuating between his anger at the kids for their dumb ass stunt and himself for not even having asked Eli if he was holding the toy before trying to dislodge the toilet.

She and Sam walked behind the kids and he could hear the women laughing. When they were safely out of sight Emma shouted, "You better get back to work, men. That toilet isn't going to fix itself."


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

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Sam rubbed some moisturizer on her face as she stood next to Martin at the bathroom sink as he brushed his teeth. She smiled at his reflection in the mirror as she recalled how ridiculous he and Danny looked earlier when trying to get Eli's hand out of the toilet.

He met her eyes and with a smile of toothpaste foam said, "Don't start."

She laughed as she screwed the cap back on her moisturizer bottle and put in on the shelf. "I'm sorry but I wish you could have seen how funny the two of you looked."

"Hey, I was being manly and using tools and doing manual labor," he said as he posed his arms like a body builder.

"Oh, yeah, big strong man," she said as she squeezed his bicep. He laughed and relaxed his posture as he moved aside so she could grab her own toothbrush. "I think it's safe to say that you guys can rule out any future in the plumbing business."

He spit and rinsed his mouth before replying, "I think you're right." She squeezed out a dollop of toothpaste and he asked, "So how was wine club tonight?"

She shook her head and smiled. "Its book club and it was good."

He looked at her reflection in the mirror and with a playful glint in his eye he said, "The jig is up, Sam. You can call it book club, and buy a new book every month but I have yet to see you actually read one." He leaned in, kissed her and said, "But you always come home tasting like wine."

She smiled up at him realizing how rare these moments had become between them, when they could be playful and flirty. She knew she was the one who was become more withdrawn but the problem was once it had started she didn't know how to slow those feelings down. He must have noticed had rare it had become too because his look lingered a bit before he reached down and kissed her again.

His kiss was tentative and testing so she did her best to relax into the kiss, wondering why she had let these types of moments become so far and few between. She tried to quiet the thoughts in her head as she roped her arms around his neck and parted her lips to give his tongue access. He pressed himself up against her and lifted her up so her ass rested on the bathroom counter. Her entire body relaxed into the kiss, her limbs becoming limp and pliable when the moment was shattered with a small shout.

"Daddy!" Nate cried from his bedroom. "I want some water!"

Martin broke the kiss, smiled against her lips and murmured, "Remember when we could do this without interruption from kids?"

She smiled back and replied, "Remember it was doing this that lead to those kids who interrupt us?"

"Oh yeah," he laughed and pulled back saying, "I'll be right back." He kissed her again before quickly adding, "Don't you dare fall asleep on me. I intend to finish what I've started."

"Okay," she replied as he moved to walk out of the bathroom. With his back to her she quickly added, "Don't forget he only gets one drink or he'll wet the bed."

"I remember," he replied. "I was the one who had to change the bed last time. Believe me, I remember."

She smiled and finished brushing her teeth before clicking off the light and walking back into the bedroom. Martin still wasn't back so she got into bed to wait. She turned off the lamp on her side of the bed and nestled her head against her pillow. She could hear the low hum of Martin and Nate chatting in his bedroom. She should have known that there was no such thing as a quick drink of water with Nate. While he was relatively quiet most of the day at night when he was in bed he was quite a chatterbox asking question after question. Her mom had told her that was how she used to be when she was a kid – always asking her questions about any thought that might have occurred to her at some point in the day. She didn't remember being that way as a child but it felt nice to know that she and Nate shared this trait since her little boy was like Martin in so many other ways.

Like father like son, is how Katherine referred to it.

Sam sighed as she thought about how much she wished she could share a story about over protective fathers when Viv, Emma and Elaine were talking about it earlier. Her dad was long gone by the time she was interested in boys. Maybe if he had been around she might have made better decisions with whom she chose to have a relationship. Then again, considering that he abandoned a wife and two daughters maybe not. Still she wished she could remember more about him. She could only recall bits and pieces and most of those memories involved arguments with her mother. She couldn't decide which was worse: remembering all those arguments between her parents or the fact that he last nice memory she had of her father was the day he left.

XXX

_5-year old Samantha was getting dressed for school. She was trying her very best to tie her shoelaces while her older sister Bridget hopped around their small room searching for her notebook. _

"_I know I left it here somewhere," Bridget commented as she used her hand to feel around under the bed. "Are you sure you didn't move it Sammy?"_

"_I told you I didn't," she replied as she successful put the bunny through the hole and knotted up her laces on one shoe before starting on the next. _

"_Hurry up baby dolls," Max Spade said to the two little girls as he stood in the doorway. He grinned at Bridget, held up a red spiral notebook and said, "Lookey what I found under the sofa." _

_Bridget leapt up and dashed to Max. "Thank you so much daddy."_

_He handed it to her and said, "You have to be more careful. I won't always be here to find it." _

"_I will," Bridget replied as she moved past him and headed down the hall. _

"_You need any help, Sammy?" Max asked as he sat on Bridget's bed. _

"_Uh-uh," she answered as her tiny fingers refused to cooperate and she had to start all over. "I want to do it all by myself." _

_Max nodded at her and smiled. "You are so independent. You don't need my help anymore do you?" _

"_Nope," she replied as she bit her lower lip in concentration. She finally tied up her lace and stood up with a proud smile. _

"_Good job," he commented with a nod. "Go on and eat your breakfast. I'm going to drop you girls off at school on my way to work." _

"_Really?" she asked excitedly. Her father never drove them to school so this was a big treat. _

"_Yeah," he said as they walked out of the bedroom. "A father should drive his daughters to work at least once don't you think?" _

"_Yeah!" she replied as she rushed out ahead of him. "Brig, guess what? Daddy's taking us to school today!"_

_He drove them to school in his beat up pale blue pick-up truck letting them listen to their favorite radio station that played top-40 pop music. She and Brig sang out at the top of their lungs to the Sister Sledge's hit song, "We Are Family" as Max laughed at them as they used their balled up fists as microphones. He was still laughing when he pulled up in front of the bustling elementary school. He gave each of them a big hug and kiss on the cheek before they got out. He smelled like his Aqua Velva aftershave and the Lucky cigarettes that he smoked. Sam jumped out of the cab of the truck and walked halfway up the sidewalk before stopping and turning around to wave goodbye again. Her dad sat behind the wheel of his truck, smiled at her and waved back before driving away. _

_That was the last time she saw her father. _

XXX

Sam closed her eyes, rolled over onto her side and pulled her knees up, cradling them close. Her stomach was clenched tight and her heart was aching painfully in her chest. After all those years that feeling of being abandoned never faded. It hurt to know that that morning he knew he was leaving them. To wonder if the reason he was so happy and cheerful that morning was because he knew he wouldn't ever have to see them or help them again.

"Sorry that took so long, Nate was in rare form tonight," Martin said as he crawled into bed behind her. His voice got low and throaty as he said, "So where were we?"

She didn't answer, she just kept her eyes shut tight and pretended to be asleep. She didn't really know why but she just couldn't bring herself to explain what she was feeling to Martin. All she knew is she just wanted to be left alone.

"Sam?" he asked as he gently nudged her shoulder. She steadied her breathing and prayed that he would think she was asleep. She could feel his eyes on her before he sighed loudly and slumped back over onto his side of the bed and shut off the light.

When she knew it was safe she opened her eyes to the darkened room as the empty feeling widened inside of her.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

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Jack sat at his desk scrolling through his email wishing he could somehow get off the FBI listserv. Every other email was some ridiculous new memo about some bullshit office policy and then he got twenty more from morons replying to that email. He deleted yet another one from some idiot in White Collar who accidentally hit 'reply all' so now everyone knew that he was sneaking off work early.

Satisfied that he at least looked at forty emails today and three were worth reading he logged off and spun around in his desk to get back to filling out case reports. That was yet another glamorous aspect of being a special agent that was always overlooked in action films. No one ever saw James Bond filling out three claim reports to get reimbursed for a tank of gas.

His phone rang and he reached over the stacks of files and answered, "Malone."

"Hey honey," Elaine greeted him cheerily. "How are things over at the bureau?"

"Just another exciting day dodging paper cuts," he answered sarcastically as he signed his name at the bottom of Sam's report. "What about you?"

"I would give anything to spend today just doing paperwork," she replied morosely. "I'm going to be in court for the rest of the day and I just found out that my new case was reassigned to Judge Chauvinistic."

He knew that she hated having to argue a case in front of the ultra conservative southern Judge Cavanaugh who referred to any woman in his court as 'little lady' and never hesitated to mention that he thought the country was falling apart due to the woman's movement. So being a dutiful husband he said, "I'm sorry, can I do anything for you?"

"Unless you can arrange for him to be indicted for some federal crimes you can't do much but I appreciate the offer," she replied with a soft laugh. "But the reason I am calling is I need to make sure there isn't anything that old fart can twist for his own agenda which means I am going to be working late tonight."

"Alright, I can fly solo," he said as he leaned back in his chair and scratched his neck under the collar. "Or maybe I'll call Kate and see if she can have dinner with her old man."

"That sounds like a good idea," Elaine agreed, her voice soft and warm. "I better get back to work. If you see Kate tell her I said hello."

"You got it," he replied. "I love you and I'll see you later."

"I love you too," she said before hanging up.

He had a smile on his face as he put the phone down on the receiver. It was funny how just one phone call from Elaine could cheer him up so much. He knew how lucky he was that he found her at all. Every anniversary he wanted to call up Ed Felder to thank him for introducing him to her. The memory of that first meeting was still clear in his mind.

XXX

"_Hey, I'm glad you made it," Ed said as answered the door. He rolled his wheelchair backwards and added, "I was beginning to think you weren't going to show up." _

"_Sorry I'm late, work stuff," Jack replied as he handed his old friend a bottle of merlot. "How are things?" _

"_Great, come in there's someone I want you to meet," Ed said as put the wine bottle on the table next to him before spinning around and heading down the hall so Jack could follow. _

_He got into step alongside Ed's wheels and said, "I thought I told you no more fix-ups." _

"_This isn't a fix up exactly," Ed said as he maneuvered his way around the crowded apartment. "Her name is Elaine and she's with the DA's office. I just thought the two of you would have a lot in common." _

"_But it's not a fix-up?" Jack said in his patented sarcasm. _

"_No," Ed replied definitively. He rolled onto the patio where a stunning woman with short light brown hair who was sipping wine while chatting with an older Indian man. From what Jack could overhear they were arguing about the upcoming elections. As they neared Ed said, "Elaine?" _

_Elaine turned around and immediately met Jack's eyes. He stared into her blue eyes and felt something he hadn't think he would ever feel again – butterflies in his stomach. She smiled at them and said, "Hey Ed, great party."_

_Ed smiled and said, "Thanks. Listen there's someone I want to introduce you to: Elaine Potter this is Jack Malone." _

_Jack reached his hand out to shake hers. Her handshake was strong but her skin was soft. He smiled and said, "Hello." _

"_Hi," she replied before adding, "It's nice to meet you. Ed talks about you all the time I feel like I know you."_

"_Hey, it's like I said: Jack is my brother from another mother," Ed joked before tilting his head at the tall Indian man and saying, "And this gentleman is Sameer Lahiri. He has just joined my practice." _

_As Jack shook Lahiri's hand and they exchanged pleasantries his eyes always lead back to Elaine. She was lovely and there was a soft look around her eyes that drew him in. After a few minutes of polite conversation Ed excused himself and Sameer saying that he wanted to introduce the junior associate to some of the other partners. _

_As they watched the two men move away Elaine leaned in towards him and said, "That was subtle. Clearly Ed doesn't think we are smart enough to recognize a set-up."_

"_Yeah," Jack replied with a smile. "Well, since Ed went through so much trouble we should at least try and understand why right?" _

"_You make a good point." She nodded her head and said, "So, Ed mentioned that you work with the FBI, that must be pretty exciting," _

"_It can be. But you work for the DA's office so I'm sure you see a lot as well," he replied trying to sound charming and interested as she sipped her wine. He wished he had thought to grab a drink earlier so he would have something to occupy his hands. So lacking something to hold he just shoved them in his pockets. _

_She lowered her glass and laughed. He suddenly got worried when she quickly said, "I'm sorry, don't you just hate this part? Having to make polite conversation; hoping that the other person will find you interesting enough to ask you out."_

_He laughed and said, "Sometimes I think we should just make up cards like the baseball players do; you know, put our picture on the front with the stats on the back." He held up his hands as if he were reading off a card, "Jack Malone, divorced one year, two preteen daughters, workaholic who likes crossword puzzles, has a bum knee…" _

_Elaine laughed and held up her own fictitious card. "Elaine Potter, divorced five years, one son in college, also a workaholic who likes crossword puzzles, and has tennis elbow." _

_Jack laughed and the rest as they say is history. _


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

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Danny stood at the coffee cart pouring a cup while trying to suppress yet another yawn. He put the carafe back down and started adding creamer to his coffee when Sam came up behind him to refill her own cup.

"You look like you didn't get much sleep last night," Sam said as she poured fresh brew into her mug.

"That's because I didn't," he retorted as he tossed the discarded tiny creamer containers into the trash basket before grabbing a sugar packet. "The boys are all sick. With three sick kids there was so much projectile vomiting that I thought that maybe we should forget calling the pediatrician and just find a priest."

Sam went still and tilted her head back saying, "Ah man! That means my kids are next."

"Sorry," he replied as he patted her on the shoulder.

"It's not your fault all our kids are tiny little bacteria vessels," she replied as she stirred her coffee. "So how is Melanie managing having all three at home sick?"

"Fine I guess since Emma decided to stay home with them, too. Benefit of being married to a doctor. That stuff doesn't gross her out as much as it does me," he replied as he glanced at his watch. "In fact I should call and see if she needs me to pick up anything since it's slow enough around here I can break away for awhile."

They both turned and headed back to their desks. Sam stopped at hers and picked up the phone, "I should call Frances and tell her to stock up on Gatorade and children's Tylenol."

He continued on to his own desk and pulled out his cell phone dialing home.

"Hello?" Emma answered sounding weary.

"How are things going over there?" he asked.

"Well, they finally stopped throwing up so that's good. They seem to be feeling a little better and are in the den watching cartoons," she said. He could hear water running in the background and the sound of dishes clinking. He mentally pictured her washing dishes in the kitchen. "My diagnosis is that they caught that 24-hour stomach flu that has been going around. You should tell Sam, chances are if our boys got it so will Nate and Gracie."

"Already did and she was not to happy to hear that either," he replied as he cast a look over to where Sam sat chatting on the phone, a frown evident on her face. "It's pretty slow here at work. I'm thinking of ducking out early, do you want me to take you anything?"

"I have chicken soup for the kids' dinner but you can pick up something for us," she replied sounding relieved.

"I can do that," he said as he leaned back in his chair. "How does Greek sound?"

"As long as I don't have to cook it or pick it up it sounds pretty great to me," she answered with a soft laugh. In the background he heard one of the boys yell out 'mom!' so she sighed and said, "I better go, I'll see you in awhile. Bye."

"Bye babe," he replied as she hung up. He turned around in his chair to find Sam look extremely disgruntled. He stood up and walked over to her desk and asked, "What's up?"

She blew out a frustrated breath and looked up at him. "I just talked to Frances; she's feeling sick."


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

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Sam's body felt heavy with sleep but even in the limbo between dreams and wakefulness she could feel a pair of eyes watching her. She cracked open an eye to find Nate standing by her side of the bed in the darkened room. She sat up, resting her weight on her elbow and asked, "Sweetie, you okay? Did you have a bad dream?"

He frowned and said, "I don't feel good."

Martin moved around behind her and sat up on his side of the bed. Out of the corner of her eye she saw him run his hand over his face trying to wake up. "What's going on?"

"Nate said he doesn't feel good," she answered as she sat up in bed. She knew that he was mostly catching the bug going around. She reached over to pull off the comforter when without any warning Nate threw up all over the side of the bed and on her.

"Oh man," Martin yelped as he jumped out of bed as Nate started crying. He picked up the upset little boy and carried him into the bathroom.

Sam tried her best maneuver out of the bed without causing the vomit to spill over anywhere else when Milo dashed in to find out what was going on. The dog eagerly sniffed around the mess. She shoved him back and started to pull off her t-shirt when Martin came out of the bathroom.

"He wants you," he said as he headed to the bed to start pulling off the sheets, tugging Milo away in the process. "I'll clean up in here."

Sam nodded and trudged into the bathroom. Nate was whimpering as he sat by the toilet, the front of his pajamas were moist. She crouched down in front of him and gently ran her hand along his back whispering, "It's okay baby." She kissed him on the forehead and he felt hot to the touch.

She reached over and turned on the shower, testing the spray to make sure it was nice and warm. She sat on the edge of the tub and helped Nate take off his pajamas. "Let's get you cleaned up okay, sweetie." Once he was stripped she took off her own clothes and held him as she stepped into the shower. Satisfied that they were both cleaned off she stepped out of the shower and found that Martin had left a few big towels on the bathroom counter. She grabbed one and wrapped up Nate before doing the same. He finally stopped crying but he was whimpering like a wounded puppy. She carried him out into the bedroom and saw that Martin had stripped the bed. She put Nate back down on the chair in the corner and walked to her dresser to grab her sweat pants and a t-shirt.

"The sheets are in the washer," Martin announced as he walked back into the bedroom. He was carrying a clean pair of pajamas for Nate and helped the little boy get dressed.

As soon as Sam was clothed she grabbed the wastebasket from the bathroom and placed it next to Nate. "Sweetie if you think you're going to throw up again I want you to do it in here okay?"

"'kay," Nate replied with a little nod, as he rubbed his eye with his tiny balled up fist.

Sam walked down the hall to the kid's bathroom and grabbed the bottle of Children's Tylenol and the plastic cup by the sink. She walked back into the hallway and ran smack into Martin who was carrying a stack of clean sheets. She mumbled an apology and headed back down the hall ahead of him. Nate was curled up on the chair looking pale and exhausted.

She walked to the chair and knelt down in front of him. She popped open the bottle and handed him the chewable tablets. He took them, his face grimacing at the chalky taste. When he was done she gave him a drink of water before picking him up to take him back to his room. He rested on her hip and she turned to Martin who had begun making the bed. "Can you grab the wastebasket and bring it to Nate's room?"

"Sure," he replied as he and carrying him back to his room.

After they tucked Nate back into bed they started back to their own bedroom and Sam asked, "Which one of us is going to stay home? I doubt Frances is going to come in tomorrow if she's still ill and we can't take Nate to daycare if he's sick."

Martin gave her a confused look and said, "Well, I thought that you…"

She stopped short and stared at him. "Me? Why did you automatically assume I would be the one to stay home? Because I'm the mom?"

Martin held up his hand and shook his head. "No, I thought you would because you told me that you are only doing paperwork this week and I am in the middle of an investigation."

While deep down she knew that his reasoning made complete sense it didn't hold a candle to her exhaustion and frustration. She stared at him and bitterly said, "I'm 'only doing paperwork'? Why don't you say what you really mean?"

He met her eyes and stared back. "Why don't you tell me since you seem to know what I really meant?"

She squared her shoulders and crossed her arms and replied, "That you think my job is less important because I'm still just an agent and you're an SAC so you just assumed your job comes first?"

"That's ridiculous and you know it, Sam," he argued as he leaned in towards her. "I have never once said that I think you're job is less important."

She turned and stormed to the bedroom door saying, "You may not say it but I know you think it."

He followed after her, his tone angry and equally frustrated. "What in the hell is wrong with you?"

She reached the bed and got under the covers, making as much noise as she could as she pulled back the sheets and pounded her pillow. "What's wrong with me is my husband seems to think my career is menial and all I am good for is taking care of the house and kids."

He stood by the bed but made no move to join her. "All I said was that right now, today, it would be easier for you to take some time off than for me to do it! I'm in the middle of a fucking case, Sam!"

"Exactly, you're job is more important," she replied as she narrowed her eyes at him saying, "Meanwhile I have to be the perfect little mother, wife and agent and act like everything is fine."

"Who asked you to be? I don't expect you to be perfect…" he began.

"So you don't think I am a good mother or wife? Is that what you are saying?" she accused.

"That's not what I meant," he replied shaking his head. His shoulders slumped and he looked defeated as he asked, "What's this really about?"

"What do you mean?" she asked warily.

"I mean what's really going on? This isn't just about you having to stay home with the kids. There has been something going on with you for awhile now and I want to know what it is," he said; his tone careful and tentative.

Sam felt her defenses rise up and replied, "There's nothing going on. I'm just tired and I think you shouldn't have just assumed that I would be the one to stay home."

"You're doing it again," he growled.

"Doing what?"

"You're pushing me away. After all these years I would have thought you would trust me enough to tell me what's going on," he said. "Talk to me, Sam. Let me in."

She stared at him, she knew he was right but she couldn't bring herself to say a word. He stood there waiting for her to say something but she couldn't bring herself to tell him what she was feeling because she didn't even know herself. So she just sat there in the bed and lowered her eyes. He sighed and walked to his side of the bed, grabbing his pillow.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"I'm sleeping in the guest room," he replied. "When you are ready to finally talk you know where to find me," he said as he walked out of the bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

She stared at the closed door, wanting to follow after him and apologize for flipping out on him. But something inside her refused to let her get up so she simply lay back in the bed and wondered how things spiraled out of control so rapidly.

She must have fallen asleep because the next thing she knew it was morning. She crawled out of bed and quickly checked up on both kids who were still sleeping. She crept down the hall and knocked on the guest bedroom door. She knew that they need to settle what happened the night before but after another knock and no answer she pushed the door open and found the bed empty. He was already gone.

Feeling annoyed that he had purposely left before she woke up she turned and headed down the hall to the kitchen. She felt a wave of anger wash over her at knowing that he left so it wouldn't even be a discussion about who should stay home or even give her a chance to try and make amends. No, he just ducked out cowardly. She pushed the kitchen door open with a hard shove, ready to call Martin up and yell at him some more when she spotted a note lying on the kitchen table. She picked it up and read, "NYPD called and found my MP's car so I had to get to work early. Grace got up around six am to throw up. I gave her a couple of Tylenol and told her she wouldn't have to go to school today. I'll call as soon as I get a chance. Martin."

Sam put the note down and sat on a kitchen chair. So now it was official both the kids were sick and Martin had already left but not because he didn't want to see her but because of work. She tried to stifle the feeling of jealousy that appeared at the thought that Martin was in the middle of an investigation that he was heading up while if she had gone in today it might be yet another day of working on case reports. She hated that she felt that way, she knew her job was still important but lately it grated on her nerves to know that while she had a couple of years experience over him he now outranked her. She knew he was a good agent but she couldn't deny that it bothered her to know that he was promoted when she wasn't even allowed to work because she was assigned to bed rest when she was pregnant with Nate.

She got up and walked over to the counter to make some coffee. As the coffee percolated she needed something to occupy her hands so she wouldn't just stand there and wallow in her self-pity so she walked into the laundry room to move last nights soiled sheets from the washer into the dryer. She opened up the washing machine and saw that while Martin had put them in the washer he neglected to actually turn it on. So the sheets sat in the bin smelling horridly sour and looking crusty. She slammed the washer door shut and before she knew how it happened she was crying. Not a soft cry but hard and relentless. Her tears ran down her cheeks like heavy streams, her shoulders were jagged as she was overwhelmed by a feeling that she couldn't name but overwhelmed her. She slumped down onto the floor and brought up knees up to her chest as she wept uncontrollably.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

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"_So how long until we know the results?" Martin asked as Sam un-wrapped the small white plastic stick. They were crowded together in the small bathroom, their entire lives hinging on the results of a simple at home pregnancy test. _

_She looked at the back of the box and replied, "According to the instructions we should know two minutes after I pee on this little thing." _

"_Okay," he replied. He couldn't tell who was more nervous, her or him. While they had begun talking about possibly having kids it was still a shock to him when Sam mentioned that she was late on her menstrual cycle. He looked at her and saw that she was shaking. He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her, rubbing her back to warm her up. While he was still nervous as all hell at finding out the results but he knew she had to be more so. He took a breath and asked, "What are you thinking?"_

"_I wish I could tell you but I can't hold onto a thought long enough to say," she replied with a stiff laugh. _

"_Then what are you feeling?"_

_He could feel her body relax a little as she said, "I feel scared, nervous, anxious, nauseous, and worried," she wrapped her arms around his waist and added, "but I also feel excited and hopeful."_

_He laughed and replied, "Ditto." _

_She laid her cheek on his shoulder and he could see her face reflected in the mirror above the sink. "This is huge, Martin. If I am pregnant our lives will never be the same. It won't just be me and you anymore. We could be someone's parents, have another person with us forever; forever," she said with emphasis on every syllable. She sighed and added, "We'll need a bigger apartment for one thing."_

_He smiled and replied, "We'll have to move, worry about school districts, rising cost of college tuition…"_

_She adjusted her arms around his waist and continued, "Dirty diapers, colic, if he or she is developing at the appropriate rate…"_

"_Whether or not she is eating pennies, getting scraped knees," he said before switching gears as other thoughts occurred to him. "Teaching him to ride a bike, how to throw a curve ball, the best way to eat an Oreo cookie..." _

"_First steps, first words, dance lessons…" She stepped back and looked up into his eyes and finished, "Seeing your eyes in our child's face."_

_He laughed and shook his head, "Nah, I'd much rather they look like you." _

_She smiled softly and said, "I have to admit that I was really scared when I realized I was late but I also realized that I want to be a mother." She leaned up close to his face so she could look him directly in the eyes and added, "So even if the test is negative I think we should officially start trying." _

_He smiled at her and kissed her tenderly on the lips. "I like that idea. Plus, you know I really like the part about trying to get you pregnant. It's one of my favorite things." _

_She laughed and replied, "Mine too." She kissed him again before pulling out of his embrace and saying, "Okay, now get out of here so I can take this test so we know once and for all." _

"_You got it," he replied as he stepped out of the bathroom. After all these years of being with Sam that was the one thing that never changed in their relationship: she refused to let him see her pee and vice-versa. Not that he minded. So he stood just outside the door, pacing nervously when the door opened up a minute later. _

_Sam stood there holding the stick in her hand, her expression unreadable. He was about to start telling her that they could start trying when she looked up, met his eyes, smiled and said, "Congratulations dad." _

_He released the breath he had been holding and pulled her into his arms shouting, "Congratulations mom!" _

XXX

Martin opened the front door and walked in to find Grace and Nate each lying on opposite ends of the sofa watching the latest Disney cartoon on TV. As he moved closer he saw that only Grace was watching since Nate was fast asleep. He walked around and smiled at his little girl as he leaned over and kissed her forehead asking, "How are you feeling?"

Grace sighed melodramatically and said, "I hate being sick, daddy. It's gross."

He sat down on the coffee table, careful to not knock over the plastic cups full of Gatorade and looked at Grace. He moved her matted hair out of her face and said, "I know it is but hopefully you're a getting better and won't be sick for a long time."

She sighed and said, "Yeah, that would be good."

He looked over at Nate who was sleeping heavily before glancing around wondering where Sam was. He looked back down at Gracie and asked, "Where's your mom?"

"I think she's in the kitchen," Grace replied as her eyes returned to the television to watch the princess sing a song with some animal.

"I'll be right back," he said as he stood up and went off in search of his wife. He pushed open the kitchen door to find Sam standing at the stove stirring something in a pot, her back to him. "Hey."

She turned to look at him. Her hair was tied loosely into a ponytail with strands falling around her face. She gave him a forced smile and said, "Hey, you're home early."

"We wrapped up the case earlier than expected," he replied as he walked over to stand next to her. He rested his hip against the counter and looked into the pot to see what she was making. It looked like chicken soup. He glanced up to see her face and said, "The kids look like they are feeling better."

She nodded and turned off the burner. "They both finally stopped throwing up this afternoon so I'm hoping that they'll be able to keep some soup down." She moved to the cabinet to the kids' plastic bowls. They were bright yellow and had cartoon characters printed on them. "I talked to Emma and she said that if they are like the boys then they should be fine by tomorrow morning."

While her words were neutral he could feel the tension radiating from her. "That's good." He watched her as she filled up the bowls with the broth and soggy noodles. He saw her glance at him out of the corner of her eye and he took a deep breath before asking, "Are you still mad?"

She lowered her eyes and stared at the soup in the pan. "No."

He huffed out a breath and decided to just ask the question that had been gnawing at him all day. "Sam, are you unhappy? Is that what this is, you regret having settled down, getting married and having kids?"

She immediately looked up and met his eyes. She was terse and defensive as she replied, "No, never, how can you ask me that?"

"Then what is it? Why have you been so angry or withdrawn lately?" he asked as he reached over to hold her hand.

Her body went limp, unable to carry the weight of her emotions a moment longer as she softly replied, "I honestly don't even know how to explain what I am feeling, that's the problem."

She looked so lost that his heart squeezed tightly in his chest. He stepped up and wrapped his arms around her. "I don't know what to do, Sam. I love you and I hate that you feel you can't talk to me about what you're feeling."

She sighed and leaned into his embrace. "I told you, it's not you I just can't."

"Okay," he conceded. "Do you think maybe Lisa Harris would help?"

"So you think I need therapy?" she replied bitterly. "That I'm crazy?"

He could feel her getting ready to move away so he held her tighter and said, "Sam, I'm trying here. You just said you are going through something but can't even articulate what it is enough to tell me and I just thought it might be easier to talk to someone with some objectivity."

"I know, see I can't help it." She leaned back and looked up at him, "I'm sorry that I flipped out on you last night."

"I'm sorry, too," he replied, feeling relieved that at least they were starting to mend the gap between them. He brushed some errant strands behind her ears and gingerly asked, "I don't think you're crazy but I think maybe talking to Lisa would help."

She closed her eyes in surrender and said, "I'll make an appointment with her tomorrow."


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

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"Have you talked to Paul yet?" Sam asked Danny as he drove them along the Long Island Expressway on their way to an interview about a missing woman. Paul recently had surgery on an old football injury on his shoulder and was out of commission for the last two weeks; which made the team even shorter since the team member who had replaced Martin transferred out of state.

"Yeah, I stopped by his apartment to check up on him," Danny replied as he clicked on his blinker to get off on their exit. "He's anxious to get back to work but Jack said he's not clear to come back until next week." He stopped as the streetlight turned red and strummed his fingers on the steering wheel. He cleared his throat and asked, "So, did you get a hold of Lisa?"

Sam glanced at him before focusing on the QuikMart on the corner advertising lotto tickets. This was one of those rare times she wished that Danny and Martin weren't best friends. Her personal and professional life constantly collided. "She's on vacation until next week but I made an appointment for when she gets back." She turned and gave him a tight smile, adding, "Thank you for asking."

"Alright, I get it, it's none of my business," Danny commented casually as he pulled to a stop in front of a white two story colonial home complete with dark blue shutters. "This is the place."

They stepped out of the car and made their way up the sidewalk to interview Albert Reynolds who had reported his wife, Brenda, missing. Sam noted the tire swing hanging from the large tree in the front yard and the dolls lying on the grass nearby. One of the dolls she recognized as one Gracie had at home as well. Although, this one still had long blonde nylon hair; a few months ago Gracie had cut off her own doll's hair when she was playing beautician. She also cut off all of Nate's hair, some of Milo's and it was that day that she and Martin were doubly cautious to hide the scissors from their daughter's eager little hands.

As they neared the door it swung open and a man with a mustache and black and white peppered hair appeared. His eyes went back and forth between the two of them as he anxiously asked, "Are you with the FBI?"

Sam held up her badge. "Hello, I'm special agent Samantha Spade and this is my partner, Danny Taylor."

Albert glanced at their badges before stepping back so they could enter. "Please, come in."

Sam went in first and walked into the living room. The scene reminded her of her own home: children's books and toys were scattered randomly around and the chair and sofa were littered with shoes and jackets. It was a room that looked like a family lived here.

"Excuse the mess," Albert apologized as he picked up some things off the sofa to make room for them to sit down. "My wife always complains that we never pick up…" he trailed off before he stood still and stared at the small sneaker he held in his hand. He looked like he was lost in thought before shaking off the memory and looking up. "I'm sorry; this is just all rather difficult."

"It's alright," Danny replied before pulling out his notepad and taking a seat on the sofa. Sam sat down next to him as he asked, "Mr. Reynolds, can you tell us about the last time you saw your wife?"

"I already went over this with the police," Albert replied curtly through gritted teeth. He had an angry look on his face as he continued, "But they just told me that I would have to wait until 48 hours had passed before I could file a missing persons report. Her disappearance wasn't 'suspicious' enough to warrant their attention."

"I can appreciate your frustration Mr. Reynolds but if you could please go through it again for us," Sam said gently; she needed him to be calm so they could learn as much as possible without his emotions getting in the way. "We're here now."

Albert gave her a resigned nod and sat down on the recliner, still clutching the shoes. "Um, I last saw my wife two mornings ago, when I was getting ready to leave for work and she was in the kitchen giving the kids breakfast."

XXX

_Albert walked into the kitchen straightening his tie. Brenda, an attractive looking women in her early forties, is standing at the kitchen table pouring orange juice into a glass. Their 10-year old son, Dustin, is seated at the table working on his homework while 6-year old, Denise, is eating her cereal and chatting with her mom. _

"_And I'm going to need a new sleeping bag," Denise was bouncing up and down in her seat as he eyes followed her mom's every move. "Can we go get one tonight?" _

"_I don't know, maybe," Brenda answered as she moved back to the refrigerator to put the juice carton away. She turned around and looked at Dustin saying, "Are you almost done with your homework?" _

"_Yeah, I just have to write a few more sentences with my spelling words," Dustin replied without looking up. _

_Albert reached for the coffee and started pouring some into his travel mug. "Why do you need a sleeping bag, Denise?" _

_Dustin rolled his eyes and said, "Her friend Cassie is having a slumber party. It's so stupid." _

"_Shut up, it's going to be fun," the little girl answered bitterly to her older brother before turning to look at her dad with a big grin. "It's going to be my first big pajama party! Tiffany is going and Amber and Sage and Julie."_

"_That sounds like fun," Albert answered as he added cream to his coffee. He turned to Brenda and asked, "What are you up to today?" _

_She smiled at him as she wiped the counter with a sponge and replied, "You know me, same old, same old." _

_Albert grinned and leaned in to give her a kiss. He pulled back and said, "Must be nice to be a woman of leisure."_

"_Leisure, right," she said with a laugh. She tossed the sponge into the sink and said, "Don't forget that you have a dentist appointment tomorrow." _

"_What would I do without you?" he said as he tightened the cap on his mug. _

_Brenda gave him a small smile before turning around and starting to clear the breakfast table. As she neared she reached over to grab the cereal box, knocking the juice glass down on the table; the orange liquid rapidly spreading everywhere before dripping onto the floor. _

"_Mom!" Dustin shouted as he grabbed his notebook that was dripping wet. "You got it all over my homework!" _

"_Shit," Brenda growled as she grabbed napkins to try and contain the mess. She looked exhausted and frustrated as she moved the dishes and glasses out of the way to clean up. "I'm sorry, Dustin. Take you notebook over to the counter to try and clean it up." _

"_Oh-oh, mommy said a curse word," Denise said with a laugh. _

"_But mom, Mrs. Lofton won't accept it if it's dirty," Dustin argued. "She said…" _

_Brenda stopped and glared at Dustin. "I said I was sorry, just try and clean it up the best you can. I will explain what happened to Mrs. Lofton."_

"_But mom…" Dustin began._

"_Just do as your mother told you, Dustin. It's not the end of the world," Albert said as he grabbed the sponge from the sink and walked over to help her. "You should have done your homework last night anyway." Dustin walked sullenly to the counter and started drying off his homework mumbling under his breath. Albert gave the boy a warning look before helping Brenda clean up. He glanced at her and she appeared to be on the verge of tears. He reached over and caressed her shoulder saying, "Honey, it's fine, it's just spilled juice." _

"_I know," she said with her eyes on the soggy newspaper. "It's another typical day in my life now." _

XXX

"I helped her finish cleaning up, kissed her and the kids' goodbye and went to work," he finished. "It was just such an ordinary day."

Sam nodded her head in understanding as Danny asked, "So your wife is a stay-at-home mom?"

Albert nodded his head explaining, "Only for the last few months, the company she used to work for downsized and she was laid off."

She leaned forward, tucked some hair behind her ear and asked, "And when did you first notice your wife was missing?"

"The school called to tell me that she never picked up the kids," he answered softly. "I tried calling her on her cell phone, I called all her friends, anyone I could think of but no one had seen her."

Danny glanced around the house and asked, "And how are things between the two of you?"

Albert visibly tensed up as he said, "Things were hard when she stopped working. We didn't need her income but she really liked working. She became withdrawn and distant but lately she seemed more like her old self. I thought things were going well again."

"We'd like the names and phone numbers of your wife's friends, co-workers and any relatives you think might be helpful to talk to," Danny said as he slid a notepad over to Albert.

"I've already called all of them and they haven't seen her," he argued back sounding angry and annoyed.

"I know but we just need to double check, see if there are any little details that they might not have thought was important but could mean a lot," Sam replied.

Albert stared at the notebook on the table and said, "You think my wife just decided to up and go? Abandon me and the kids?"

"We need to explore all avenues Mr. Reynolds," Danny said tactfully. "We don't know anything at this point."

Albert squeezed the shoe in his hand before reaching over and picking up the notepad. He stood up and said, "I have the phone numbers in the kitchen. I'll be right back."

Once he was out of the room, Danny started writing up some notes so Sam took the opportunity to walk over to the mantle. She stared at the portrait on the mantel of the Reynolds family knowing exactly how easily entire lives could change on some random morning.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

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Danny taped a photo of Brenda Reynolds on the board as Sam sat at her desk running a credit history for the couple. He stepped back and was headed back to his own desk when Jack marched into the command area. He clicked on his own PC and started reading through the last few phone calls placed from Brenda's cell phone.

"How's the credit check going?" Jack asked as he came to stand behind Sam's chair, looking at the screen from over her shoulder.

"The balances in their checking and savings accounts have been going steadily lower since Brenda was laid off," she answered as she scrolled down the page. "But they are still doing okay. Nothing really stands out."

Danny took this opportunity to speak up. "I might have something." He waited for Sam and Jack to look over before continuing, "According to Brenda's cell phone record the last person she talked to was her mother-in-law, Louise Reynolds. In fact, they have talked six times in the last three days."

Jack looked over at him with a curious expression and asked, "Her mother-in-law? Do we know if they were close?"

"I wouldn't know what the signs are of having a close in-law," Danny replied bitterly. "I do everything I can to avoid talking to mine."

Both he and Jack looked over at Sam. She met their gazes and said, "Yes, I love my in-laws. But I generally only talk to Katherine once a week; maybe."

Jack nodded his head and said, "Okay then, Danny come with me. Let's go find out what Brenda and her mother-in-law had to talk about."

Danny hesitated, his eyes quickly darting over at Sam. "Me? Um, Jack, don't you think Sam might be better?"

He shook his head and with a small laugh said, "Nah, I think in this case we'd be better off with someone who is suspicious of the in-law dynamics."

Danny nodded his head before standing up and grabbing his jack off the back of his chair to follow Jack out.

However, when they arrived at the Mrs. Reynolds' house it turned out that they didn't really need Danny's perspective, the hostility was out in the open.

"When Albert told us about Brenda's vanishing act I can't say I was surprised," Louise Reynolds said as she poured a cup of coffee for Jack. "I always thought she would take off eventually."

"So you think that she disappeared voluntarily?" Jack asked, ignoring the cup of coffee. Her coffee set was fine china and the coffee cups were so delicate and tiny that Danny couldn't imagine how he could get his long, clunky fingers to hold it. Judging by Jack's expression, he didn't know how either.

"I wouldn't put it past her," Louise answered as she set the pot on the coffee table and sat down. She had an air of self-possession and a sour expression on her face. "From the moment my son brought her home I knew she was trouble. That's what happens when you marry beneath your status. I tried telling Albert that he should find someone with a similar background; socially, economically, a woman who wants to be a wife and mother. But no, he chose Brenda, a career woman."

Danny bit the inside of his cheek, trying to stifle his anger. Louise Reynolds reminded him a lot of his father-in-law; quick to judge, not really giving someone a fair shot because of a background that they could not help being born into.

Jack clasped his hands together, leaning forward. "So you and Brenda were not chummy?"

Louise lifted up the delicate cup. Her pinky finger extended, and replied, "Hardly. She and I only talk when it is absolutely necessary."

"And what was so necessary to talk about on the day she disappeared?" Danny asked; his tone accusatory and hard.

Louise cocked an eyebrow at him. With a chilly tone she said, "We were discussing the plans for Thanksgiving."

XXX

_Louise sat at her kitchen table surrounded by her calendar, notebook, and color coded post-its. She is holding the telephone to her ear and in a short curt tone said, "And I was thinking I would go ahead and make the pumpkin pies myself."_

_On the other end of the line an exasperated Brenda replied, "I said I could do it, Louise."_

"_I know you did but Reverend McCormick is gong to be joining us and I would rather serve him one made from scratch. That canned pumpkin and pre-made crust that you use just doesn't have the same taste. I'm sure you understand."_

"_Albert and the kids think it tastes fine."_

"_Well, fine might be good enough but I think during the holiday's we should strive for better than fine, don't you think?" Louise coolly replied as she started making up a list of ingredients she would need to pick up from the store. _

"_Fine then, you do it," Brenda seethed. "In fact, why don't you just do all the food for the holiday's from now on and then no one will have to taste my shoddy store pies or dry turkey." _

_Even though Louise was riled up by Brenda's comment she kept her cool tone as she replied, "I just think that a good mother would want to serve the best to their children."_

XXX

"There's just no point in talking to her from that point on," Louise finished. "I can't imagine what on earth set her off like that."

"I'm sure it had nothing to do with your criticism of her cooking or parenting," Jack sarcastically commented.

"I'm sure I don't know what you are implying," Louise bristled.

"I'm sure you don't," Danny grumbled under his breath.

She shot him a steely glared when Jack piped up again, "Mrs. Reynolds, was this a typical conversation between the two of you?"

"I suppose you could say that." She sat up straight and brushed her hands over her lap, straightening out non-existent wrinkles. "Like I said, we don't talk unless it was necessary."

Jack stood up and motioned for Danny to do the same. "We'll be in touch."

The two men walked to the door, ignoring Mrs. Reynolds obvious displeasure that neither one of them drank any of her coffee.

Once they were back in the car, Jack got on the cell phone to call the office to see if Sam had any news. As they drove along, Danny stared out the window suddenly feeling a lot of empathy for Brenda. He knew full well about how easily in-laws can make life difficult. As he steered the car onto the interstate he recalled how much frustration his own in-laws brought into his and Emma's Thanksgiving plans.

XXX

_Emma sat cross-legged in the middle of their bed applying lotion to her arms; her eyes following him as he moved around the room. "I was talking to Sam and we were thinking of doing this Thanksgiving together."_

_Danny stopped in front of the closet where he was undressing and looked over at her. He really liked this idea. If they celebrated it with Martin and Sam it would mean football on TV, the kids playing together, Emma and Sam hanging out in the kitchen, a nice relaxing holiday; more importantly, no in-laws. They were going on a long holiday cruise. "I think that's a great plan. Would we have it here or at their place?" _

"_Most likely here," she replied as she screwed the cap back on the lotion bottle. The air smelled like cucumber-melon. "It's just the four of them and we'll have all of rowdy bunch. And then there are my parents, too." _

"_Your parents are coming?" Danny asked trying to hide his irritation and disappointment. _

"_Yeah, of course," Emma replied. "They changed their cruise date and are leaving the day after Thanksgiving so they thought they would stay in the city and visit with the kids before they left."_

_Danny's shoulders slumped and he stared into the closet. He remembered Emma telling him that her parents were going on a three week cruise. He guessed he was so excited to know that they were going to be an ocean away that he missed the part about them visiting beforehand. He nodded his head and said, "Oh yeah, I guess I forgot."_

_Emma eyed him and said, "When is this going to be over? I hate that you and daddy can't seem to get along."_

_Danny tossed his pants and t-shirt in the hamper. Years of frustration rising to the surface. "When are you going to open your eyes and realize that we'll get along as soon as your precious daddy gets over himself and treats me with a little respect or at least with a little goddamn courtesy?!" _

"_You are overreacting. I know he sometimes says stuff that can seem harsh when taken out of context but he doesn't mean anything by it." _

_His frustration bubbled over and he glared at her. "When are you finally going to see him for what he is? You look at him with these rose colored glasses. Everything else you can see so clearly but when it comes to him….you don't even have a clue."_

"_Honestly Danny, you just overreact to everything he says or does. He is just a typical over-protective father. That's it." _

"_He's an overprotective asshole. And if you would stop being such a daddy's girl you would see that!" Danny growled, feeling an immense sense of satisfaction at finally saying what he had been thinking for years. However, as soon as he saw the hurt look on Emma's face the satisfaction he felt paled in comparison to his feeling of guilt. "Em, I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"_

_She got up from the bed and started out of the room saying, "Yes, you did."_


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

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Sam rolled her head back trying to soothe out any kinks in her neck from sitting at a desk scrolling through credit reports. She leaned her head forward and rubbed her neck when familiar hands appeared on her back; the warm, firm grip kneading out the knots on her shoulders. She closed her eyes in appreciation and murmured, "I should warn you, I'm a married woman."

"It's okay, I'm married too," Martin softly whispered in her ear, a smile evident in his tone.

She looked up at him and said, "So to what do I owe this surprise visit?"

He kept his hands on her shoulder, squeezing and massaging. "I'm getting ready to head home. I thought I'd stop by and see if you were done for the day. We could leave together."

Sam lowered her head and looked at the stack of files on her desk. Truth be told, she could leave if she wanted. There were at a dead end, they were going to Brenda's office the next day to do the interviews, so there wasn't much more she could do today. But she didn't want to go home, at least not yet. So she smiled at her husband and lied. "Actually, I still have about another hour or so here."

Martin nodded his head. "Is there anything I can help you with?"

"Nah, it's all that necessary but boring stuff." She moved away from his grip on her shoulder and stood up. She grabbed him by the lapels and said, "Go home. I'm sure the kids will be thrilled to see you so home early."

He rested his hands on her hips and leaned in close. "Yeah, you're probably right." He gave her a soft kiss and said, "You sure you don't want a little help?"

"I'm sure," she replied with a smile. "Go on, I'll be home as soon as I can get away."

"Okay, see you later," he said with a quick kiss. "Try not to stay too late."

She watched him walk away before sitting back down at her desk. She spun her chair and looked at the picture of Brenda on the board. She thought about what the missing woman's final morning was like. It was a morning much like most of hers since she got married and had kids; to feel the pull in multiple directions, the burden and the joys. If what Louise Reynolds said about Brenda was to be believed, that she willingly walked away, Sam had to admit that she could relate. She had felt that way more than once, wanting to flee the responsibilities, if only for a little while. While she knew she would never walk away she did do something to escape the burden once. It was something that still haunted her sometimes, to know what she was capable of doing.

XXX

_It was three-am and she paced the living room carrying an incredibly fussy fifteen-month old Nate. "Come on, baby, what do you want? You have a dry diaper, you've been feed, you don't have a fever, and you're warm and safe…what else could you possibly need?" _

_Another whimper and cry was her response. She started pacing the living room again, feeling completely exhausted. She spent the entire day at work closing a case only to come home to a husband who announced he was going to be on an overnight stakeout, a hyperactive three-year old daughter who took hours to finally get settled enough to go to sleep, and a little boy who woke up every few hours to cry for no apparent reason other than to drive his mother crazy. _

_She gazed down at his crunched up red face that looked miserable. She could relate. He looked as tired as she felt. She sighed with frustration and walked over to the cabinet in the living room. She pressed repeat play on the CD player and listened as Melvin Amina's voice drifted out of the speakers singing a song that always seemed to soothe Grace when she was a baby. _

"_Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high; the dreams that you dreamed of once in a lullaby. Somewhere over the rainbow, blue birds fly; and the dreams that you dream of, dreams really do come true. Someday you wish upon a star, wake up where the clouds are far behind. Trouble melts like lemon drops, high above the chimney tops. That's where you'll find me."_

_She walked around the living room wishing that her troubles would just melt away like lemon drops. She kissed Nate's forehead and prayed for him to just fall asleep. She was bone weary and she had to be in court the next day. She had to be on her best and with each hour that her son kept her awake any chance of that was fading fast. To top it off she suddenly had to go to the bathroom. _

_She carried Nate down the hall, passing Grace's room where her daughter and Milo were slumbering without a care in the world. She moved into the bathroom and in a maneuver that only a mother could master she managed to pee without having to put the baby down. She stood up to wash her hands when she caught a glimpse of herself in the bathroom mirror. She groaned at the sight that greeted her. She was pale with puffy eyes, dark rims underneath and her ponytail had strands falling out all around her face. She groaned as Nate started up again; his little legs kicking in frustration. She softly caressed his back and cooed into his ear trying to soothe him. _

_With a quick move she opened up the medicine cabinet to grab her eye cream. As long as she was awake she might as well do some preventative measures to make her at least look presentable in court. She reached for the small jar when she spotted Nate's allergy medicine. He had some allergies last spring when nature was in full bloom so the pediatrician prescribed some medicine to help him sleep. She carefully pulled it out the cabinet and looked at it. She remembered that each time Nate took it he slept blissfully through the entire night. _

_She stared at the small bottle in her hands, weighing the implications of what she was considering. Would she really be willing to drug her baby just so he would fall asleep, thus allowing her to go to bed as well? She started rationalizing that if she gave him the minimum dose it wouldn't cause any harm. He needed his sleep just as much as she did. Nate cried out again, his crankiness increasing. She knew that he was just as tired as she was and if he could get some sleep they would both be the better for it. Before she had a chance to talk herself out of it, she poured the prescribed amount on the big, plastic spoon and fed it to Nate. It took some finesse but he finally accepted the medicine; in great thanks to the fact that the syrup was sugary sweet. _

_She quickly rinsed off the spoon, screwed the cap back on and placed both items back in the medicine cabinet. She clicked off the light so she wouldn't have to face herself in the mirror and exited the bathroom. She walked with Nate down the hall to his room and sat down in the rocking chair. He was still whimpering but it was winding down with each rocking motion. Soon the room was quiet, with only the sound of her and Nate's soft breaths and the music filtering down the hall from the living room. _

"_I see friends shaking hands singing, 'How do you do?' They're really saying I love, I love you. I hear babies cry and I watch them grow. They'll learn much more than we'll ever know. And I think to myself what a wonderful world. Sometime you'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind you. Where trouble melts like lemon drops…"_


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

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Martin opened the door feeling pleased that he was actually home early. He would get to just relax and spend some time with the kids and maybe even have some time to do a little reading or catch up on his email. He found himself smiling at the thought.

However, the moment he entered the house he realized that was not going to happen because instead of a quiet night at home he was greeted by Milo barking frantically as he chased Frances around the living room. She ran around the coffee table holding a bundle of towels in her arms while Grace was doing her best to grab Milo's collar to restrain him and Nate just bounced around laughing wildly.

"No Milo!" Grace shouted as the big dog maneuvered out of her grip. "Bad doggy!"

"AUGH!!!" Frances shouted; her tone indignant and firm. "Milo, sit down!"

"What in the hell is going on?!" he shouted as he ran inside and moved to restrain Milo. He had never seen the Lab acting so excitedly. He reached out and got a hold of the dog's collar and in his most authoritative fatherly voice said, "Milo sit!" The dog sat back on his haunches obediently but he kept his wide eyes focused intently on what Frances was holding in her arms. Once Milo was settled, Martin looked at the crazed trio and asked, "What happened?"

Both Frances and Grace started talking at the same time. "Daddy I was..." "Mr. Fitzgerald, I just wanted…"

He held up his hand indicating for them to stop talking. Once it was quiet again he looked at Frances and in a calm voice asked, "Why don't you begin?"

Grace jutted out her lower lip threatening to pout that he didn't let her speak first but remained quiet. Meanwhile, Nate just leaned against the sofa and watched them all with an amused grin.

Frances, panting heavily and looking frazzled, began, "Mr. Fitzgerald, I'm so sorry. I just thought I should give Dixie a bath before we took her picture and Milo…"

"I'm sorry," he interrupted. "Who's Dixie and why are you giving her a bath?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," France apologized. She loosened her grip on the towel, pulling the corner back to reveal a yellow tabby. The cat's big yellow eyes watched him warily as Frances explained, "This is Dixie."

Milo barked again and the cat's ears went back and she hissed. Martin tightened his hold on the dog's collar before clearing his throat and asking, "You got a cat?"

"No, I didn't," she replied shaking her head before glancing at Grace. "Your daughter did."

He looked over at his daughter's cherubic face and asked, "Okay, start talking."

She started replying in rapid fire. "Me and Nate were playing in the backyard and I heard some meowing by the trash cans and I went to look and I saw the kitty. She was fat and dirty and cold so I came inside and got some of Milo's wet food. I put some on a plate and feed her some." The little girl was talked with animated hands, gesturing out the window, the kitchen and the cat. "So she ate it all up and she was so happy that she let me pet her. I think she is lost and maybe someone is looking for her. I think she's a missing person….I mean cat and we should help her like you and mommy do with people."

He looked at the cat that was crouched in Frances' arms, ears back, fur puffed up and looking fearful. "And you named her Dixie?"

Frances cleared her throat. "Um, actually, I did. I told the kids that when I was a child I had a cat named Dixie so..."

"Okay, I think I got it," Martin said, rubbing his temple with his fingertips trying to process the story.

"We have to help her daddy," Grace pleaded as she reached up to pet the cat's head. "She's lost and scared."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Fitzgerald. I told Grace she is not allowed to bring home stray pets but she really wants to help this cat," Frances interjected with empathy. "I know we should have called you about the cat first but Grace was so determined that I thought if I bathed the cat that it would help her case. I just didn't expect Milo to react the way he did." She glanced at the dog who was wagging his tail, tongue dangling as he stared at the cat. She took a deep breath and regained her composure, straightening her posture and readjusting the cat in her arms she finished, "But don't you worry: I told Grace that if you and Mrs. Spade didn't want the cat to stay here I would take her home with me until we find her a good home."

Martin sighed. While he wouldn't mind getting another pet he also knew that Sam was not going to like the idea of cat. She was great with Milo but by all accounts, Samantha Spade was not an animal person. And while their goal will be to find the cat's owner he also knew that this cat could very easily just be a stray that would end up staying with them indefinitely. At least if the cat went home with Frances it would be much less likely that Grace or Nate would get too attached. He looked at Frances and asked, "You wouldn't mind taking her home?"

"No! Why can't she stay here with us?" Grace argued with a voice of determination that only a five-year old could possess.

"I don't think that's a good idea." He tried to think of an explanation that would best rationalize his decision without placing the blame on Sam. He remembered the big bundle of fur sitting down next to him and said, "What about Milo? I don't think the cat would feel comfortable staying here if Milo chases her around all the time."

Grace frowned and looked at Milo who was still completely engrossed in watching the cat. With her shoulders slumped she replied, "I guess not."

He crouched down so he was eye level with his daughter and said, "If she goes home with Frances then she would get the entire apartment all to herself where she can relax and rest."

"Yeah, I guess so," Grace said with her sad eyes on the cat.

"But I tell you what," he took a hold of her hand and tugged gently to get Grace to look at him. In a soft, gentle tone he continued, "Before Frances takes her home we'll take a picture of Dixie and make up a bunch of fliers to post around the neighborhood to see if anyone recognizes her. We'll do everything we can to find Dixie's owners, okay?"

"Okay!" Grace grinned and dashed off to get the camera from the study; her little sneakers squeaking on the hard wood floors as she disappeared down the hall. "But we have to make sure they look really official…"

"I'll just take Dixie back into the bathroom and finish drying her off," Frances announced as she turned and headed back to the bathroom. In a soft, cooing voice she started talking to the cat. "That's right, I will get you nice and dry and then we'll get you some warm milk…"

Once she was out of sight Martin looked down to find Nate standing next to him, patting Milo on the head. The little boy looked up at him and smiled. "Hi."

"Hi," Martin smiled and ran his hand over his son's head. "Let's put Milo outside until Frances and Dixie leave." He and Nate led Milo into the kitchen and let him out the back door. Thankfully the dog went willingly. He closed the door and turned to look at Nate. "So how was your day?"

"Good," the little boy replied with a small nod. He climbed onto a stool and said, "That was fun."

"Yeah, fun," Martin laughed. He looked at his son and feeling a strong sense of fatherly affection he said, "I think after all that we deserve a treat." He grinned devilishly and reached up into the high cabinet. The younger Fitzgerald's eyes went wide as Martin opened up the blue package and handed him a chocolate chip cookie.

Nate happily accepted it, making quick work of gobbling it up one bite at a time.

He knew that if Sam were home she would protest that he was ruining their son's appetite for dinner but he also knew how precious times like these were so he plucked out another cookie for Nate and one for himself. He took a big bite and smiled at his son as they sat together happily eating the confections.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

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"I haven't seen Brenda in over a month," replied Joseph Girard, Brenda's former supervisor.

Danny and Jack were interviewing Joseph at the firm where Brenda once worked as an assistant vice-president before she was laid off. It was a highly professional office where everyone moved at a fast pace and looked impeccably groomed. Danny couldn't help but notice that it was a far cry from Brenda Reynolds' chaotic home life.

He eyed the polished looking professional from across the desk dubiously and replied, "That's funny because according to her husband she was laid off over three months ago."

Joseph shifted in his seat looking extremely uncomfortable. He started worryingly playing with his wedding band so Jack pressed him on, saying, "Look, you might as well tell us now, we'll find out anyway."

Joseph cleared his throat. "Brenda and I had been…romantically involved for about a year."

Danny shared an amused glance with Jack and jotted down this bit of information in his notepad. He looked up and asked, "Do you think her husband suspected anything?"

"I honestly can't say but I doubt it. Brenda was really good at keeping anything work related separate from her home life," Joseph replied as he leaned back in his leather chair. "I didn't even know she was married until a few months after she started working here."

Jack narrowed his eyes at Joseph. "I find that hard to believe."

"I'm serious," Joseph said assuredly as he leaned forward, placing his clasped hands on the desk. "She transferred to our head office two years ago and she was all business all the time. Most of the married women who work here keep pictures of their kids or husbands on their desk but the only thing on Brenda's was her files and one of those little motivational calendars."

"What about a wedding ring?" Danny asked. Every married woman he knew wore their wedding rings with pride. The only time Emma took hers off was when she was on duty at the hospital and even then, she hung the band off a gold chain she wore around her neck. Of course, based on the chilly reception she had been giving him since their fight she may feel differently now.

"I've never even seen it," Joseph answered with a shake of his head.

"You said you last saw her over a month ago, who ended the affair?" Jack asked.

"I did," Joseph replied solemnly. "When we started our affair it was perfect. Neither one of us was looking to break-up our marriages so we just enjoyed our time together. But after she was laid off everything started to change…"

XXX

_Brenda is lying among the tussled sheets basking in the post-coital glow. She has a smile on her face as she watches Joseph moving around the sparsely decorated bedroom, gathering his clothes so he get dressed and head back into the office. She scoots up and asks, "When can I see you again?" _

"_I have a big deal brewing in Detroit so I have to head over to work out the details," Joseph replied as he sat on the edge of the bed to put on his socks. "I'll call you when I get back." _

_Brenda shrugged out from under the sheets and came up behind him, wrapping her arms around him. She smiled coyly and started kissing his neck. "You know, I can go with you."_

"_You want to go to Detroit? It's not exactly a hot vacation spot?" he joked. _

"_I love the motor city, birthplace of Motown," he replied in an equally affection joking manner. Then she leaned in and purred into his ear, "Of course, I also wouldn't mind just hanging out in the hotel room and ordering room service."_

_Joseph laughed. "And how would you explain it to Albert? You can't tell him it's a business trip anymore." _

"_I can just tell him that I am going with you," she replied as she started spreading kisses along his jaw line. _

_Joseph stiffened up. "Um, what are you talking about?" _

_Brenda tensed up and in a wounded voice said, "I'm talking about us. We've been together for almost a year. You keep telling me that things haven't been right between you and Irene for years…"_

_He slowly moved out from Brenda's embrace and stood up. He looked down at her and slowly moved a few steps back. "Yeah, but I also told you that I am not going to leave my wife." Brenda lowered her eyes and turned her head away so he continued on, "Besides, I thought you still loved Albert?" _

_Brenda wrapped the sheet up around her and moved off the bed towards Joseph. "If I thought there was still anything between me and Albert I wouldn't be here would I?" _

_He could feel a sense of panic beginning to rise and he quickly asked, "And what about your kids?" _

_She backed down and turned away saying, "Sometimes I think they would be better off without me." _

_Joseph's demeanor softened and he gently reached over and cupped Brenda's chin, guiding her head to face his. "Baby, you don't mean that. All kids need their mothers. You're just frustrated from being out of work. You'll feel differently when you find another job." _

_Brenda gave him a tight lipped smile and replied, "Yeah, maybe you're right." _

XXX

"She seemed to accept what I told her but the next time we got together she started up again about making what we had 'official'," Joseph finished. "That's when I knew I had to end it."

"Classy," Danny replied sarcastically. "So you haven't talked to her since?"

"Like I said, no," he replied curtly.

Danny ignored Joseph's obvious irritation and cheekily replied, "Just checking."

"We'll be in touch," Jack said, announcing the end of the interview.

He and Jack exited the office and headed down the hall to the elevator. As he pressed the call button he looked at Jack and said, "So what now? Are we thinking that Brenda left voluntarily?"

"I wouldn't rule it out," Jack replied with a little tilt of his head. "If she did, she's bound to pop up on our radar. She'll need to use a credit card or ATM eventually."

"I don't know, if she did run off why didn't she tell anyone? Leave a 'Dear John' note or something?" Danny commented. He couldn't imagine ever leaving Emma but most of all, he could never even consider cutting off all contact with the kids. They were his life.

The elevator dinged and the two men boarded. Once inside Jack pressed for the ground floor and said, "Even if she did leave, she's still a missing person. We are going to have to find out one way or another." As the doors slid closed he softly added, "Either way, those kids' lives are going to be forever changed."


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

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Jack yawned and used the palms of his hands to rub the tiredness from his eyes. After interviewing Brenda's former boss and lover he and Danny got back to the office and started re-examining Brenda's life with this new angle.

On the ride back from the hospital Danny referred to Joseph Girard as a sleaze for being an adulterer. While Danny thought playing the field with multiple women when he was single was one thing, being married was sacred. He had to envy Danny's single minded determination in regards to marriage considering that it took his second to finally understand. While he had cheated on Maria and felt guilty about it he knew that he could not ever imagine doing it again. He found that he loved and respected Elaine too much to risk ruining what they had.

However, despite the disastrous ending to his and Maria's marriage he still felt huge amounts of guilt about his own daughters. He often wondered if their divorce was the reason that neither of his girls avoided long term relationships of their own. Hanna was perpetually single arguing that she was too busy with her work for a boyfriend while Kate seemed to go through them tissues: used once and then quickly disposed of. As leery as her was of any boy they dated he also wanted them to have someone significant in their life. They, however, seemed quite happy with the status quo.

XXX

"_So is 'what's-his-face' joining us for dinner?" he asked Kate as he and Elaine stopped by her apartment to take her out for dinner. He was surprised how little he ever saw her other two roommates. They worked graveyard shifts so most of the time it was like Kate had her own apartment – which in NYC was like the holy grail of single life. _

"_His name is Roman," Elaine quickly corrected, casting him a warning look. _

_She was always trying to play peacekeeper but in his mind she always seemed to side with the girls. He knew she was just trying to be a likeable step-mom so he cut her some slack. So he smirked and replied, "That's what I meant." _

_Kate smiled as she started putting on her coat and said, "Roman was two guys ago so he most definitely will not be joining us." _

_He reached over to help her fix the coat collar and looked over at Elaine. "See? Why bother learning their names when after awhile they are just a bunch of 'what's-his-face's'?" _

"_It still isn't very nice, Jack," she said with a restrained grin. _

_Kate stepped back and grabbed her scarf. "Maybe I just shouldn't introduce you to any of my dates until I know it's serious." _

_He grumbled and replied, "I don't know. Considering the rate that you go through them, if you did that I'd never know who you are seeing."_

_Kate's jaw dropped and she scoffed, "Dad! Are you calling me a slut?" _

_He went shock still and paled. "No! I just…how can you think…" _

_Kate got an angry look on her face and continued, "I bet if I was your son you would encourage me to play the field, sow those wild oats…"_

"_No! That's not what I meant…" He was grabbing at words trying to think of something to say when both Kate and Elaine started laughing. _

_Kate reached over and kissed him on the cheek saying, "Don't have a heart attack. I was just messing with you. I know you mean well." _

_He growled and gently said, "I just would like to see you find a nice guy who treats you right. I want that for you and your sister." _

"_I know dad," she replied. "I know." _

_She gave him another quick kiss on the cheek before guiding him and Elaine out of the apartment and into the hallway. Elaine gave him a sympathetic look as she intertwined her arm in his. _

_After Kate locked the door she led them down the hall to the elevator. Over her shoulder she mirthfully said, "I just think that in my quest for Mr. Right I can kill time with a few Mr. Right Now's." _

XXX

There was a knock on his door and he looked up to find Sam and Danny hovering in the doorway. He waved them in and Sam sat down saying, "We think we found Brenda."

"Where?" he asked as he sat forward on his chair.

Danny handed him a sheet of paper and said, "We got a hit on Brenda's credit card. It was used on a hotel room in Walla Walla, Washington."

"So it's looking more and more like she disappeared willingly," Jack commented as he scanned the credit report.

Sam nodded her head solemnly and said, "Yeah."

"Okay, either way I'm not going to tell Albert Reynold's anything about Brenda's disappearance until I know for sure. I can have the Washington State field office go check it out but I'd rather one of us do it." He sighed heavily and glanced between his two married agents, both with small kids at home. "I hate to ask but I have to be in court tomorrow…"

"I don't mind going," both Sam and Danny eagerly volunteered.

He eyed them in surprise and asked, "You both want to go?"

"I don't care, I mean if you want to…." Sam quickly added as she looked at Danny.

"Well, I mean, I guess it doesn't matter…" he replied non-committal.

Jack took a deep breath and shifted his gaze between the two agents. He knew they were both having some home life issues and were probably looking for a little temporary escape. He questioned if it was wise to send them both together but knew that there was no chance that either one of them would risk anything so he nodded his head and said, "Fine, you both get to go."


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

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"Come on Grace, hurry up. We're already running late," Martin demanded as he tried to prod his daughter further along the sidewalk. He held her hand in his and weaved his way through the busy sidewalk. It had rained during the early morning hours so she had to wear her yellow galoshes and insisted on walking through every single puddle she encountered.

She sped up her little feet to match his pace and said, "This isn't the way mommy goes. She…"

"Well mommy isn't walking you to school today. I am and I want to go this way," he replied sounding annoyed and frustrated.

"But…" Grace began as she slowed her pace and started pointing down the next street up.

He stopped and stared down at his daughter. "Look, I don't want to argue about this. I have taken you to school plenty of times and I know the way so just do as I say, okay?"

She bit her upper lip and gave him her sad wounded puppy eyes. Her voice was tiny and scared as she whispered, "Okay, daddy."

Seeing his daughter look at him like she was afraid was like a kick in the throat so he blew out a breath and said, "I'm sorry, sweetie. Daddy's just in a bad mood this morning."

"Is that why mommy left out of town?" Grace asked sounding worried.

"No, no, mommy had to go for work, remember? That's it," he replied trying to sound casual even though he was wondering the same thing. "She'll be back before you know it."

"Oh, yeah," she replied with her big blue eyes on him.

He shook his head and simply said, "Come on, let's get you to school. I'll try to not be such a…"

"Grouch in a pouch?" she offered up with a little giggle.

He laughed. "Yeah, that."

He gently tugged her hand and directed her back down the sidewalk. He hated it when he got snippy with the kids but he was still riled up from his fight with Sam the night before and the fact that she had left before he woke up didn't help.

XXX

_He angrily yanked out the drawer from the dresser, pulled out his clothes and then promptly slammed the drawer shut with a loud bang. During dinner Sam told him that she was heading out of town to follow a lead on their missing person and to say he was upset was an under statement. So he decided to showcase his irritation by wandering around the bedroom making as much noise as possible as he got ready for bed. _

_He toed off his shoes and stripped off his clothes before pulling on his pajama bottoms. He walked to the closet to toss his pants into the hamper. Next to the closet door sat Sam's packed suitcase for the red eye flight she was taking in the early morning. He kicked it aside and it gave him some childish satisfaction. _

_The bedroom door opened and Sam appeared looking as annoyed as he felt. She started walking across the room and hissed, "You keep making noise like that and you're going to wake the kids up." _

_He tossed the clothes into the hamper and resisted the urge to slam the closet door shut as he replied, "Well, what do you expect? You get home late – again – and then announce that you are leaving for Walla Walla first thing in the morning. Not only is this out of the blue but this means you are going to have to cancel your appointment with Lisa."_

_She walked over the dresser he was assaulting earlier and starting pulling out the top half of the pajamas. "You make it sound like I told you I was going to a spa in Tahiti. I am going for work." She tucked the top under her arm and added, "And as far as Lisa is concerned I can reschedule." _

"_What I don't understand is why you want to go," he commented as he pulled on his t-shirt. "Danny can liaison with an agent in Seattle so there is no reason for you to accompany him."_

"_Damn it, Martin, I work too you know. My career means as much to me as it does to you," she slammed the drawer shut, apparently ignoring her earlier warning about waking the kids, and moved towards the bathroom. "Some of us other lowly agents have to get as much field time as we can if we hope to get promoted." She stopped and picked up the shoes he had discarded earlier and tossed them in the general direction of the closet. "It doesn't come as easily to women as it does for men. Especially women who get off track because they have to take maternity leave." _

_He flinched. "What's that supposed to mean?" _

_She opened her mouth but instead of arguing she just frowned. He could see the regret on her face as she replied, "It doesn't mean anything."_

"_You said it, so you must have meant something by it," he said through gritted teeth. He knew he was added more fuel to an already fiery argument but he couldn't stop; more importantly he didn't want to. "Is that what you think? That I got my position because I don't have to worry about having to take time off to have kids?" _

"_That's not what I said," she replied in careful, controlled tone. _

"_But that's what you meant," he retorted icily. "That the only reason I got promoted before you was because you got pregnant?" _

_She shook her head and closed her eyes before releasing a frustrated breath and softly saying, "I guess, yeah, sometimes I wonder."_

_He took a deep breath, mentally trying to slow his racing heart. "So what are you saying, Sam? Are you mad at me for being a man or is it you just regret having kids?"_

_Her eyes shot open and there was a hurt expression on her face. "How can you say that? I love our kids more than anything." He held up both his hands, challenging her to explain her comment. There was a palpable pause before she shakily said, "It's just sometimes I can't help but think…"_

_He released a forced laugh and kicked the shoes into the closet. "I don't believe this!" _

_Sam huffed and said, "You just don't know how hard it is to try to be the perfect mother, the perfect wife, the perfect agent…"_

_He looked at her and said, "Who asked you to be perfect?"_

"_Everyone! Maybe not directly but I can feel it coming from my mom, your parents, the other moms at the school and park…and I know you don't say it but I know you have this expectation from me…" she trailed off as her voice began to crack. _

"_That's all in your head, Sam."_

_She took a deep breath and finished, "Maybe it is all in my head but its how I feel. I can't help these feelings I am having. I just need a break for a little while to go and clear my head." _

_He shook his head and walked up to her. "You're doing it again."_

_She folded her arms across her chest and challenged, "Doing what?" _

"_You are getting freaked out and starting to panic so now you are trying to push me away again. Only now it's not just me, you're pushing the kids away, too."_

_Her posture softened and she shook her head, "I just need to go clear my head so I can figure out what's going on with me. I don't want to push your or the kids away and I can't talk to Lisa about what I am feeling when I don't even know what it is I am feeling!" _

"_And going across the country is going to help you figure it out?" _

_She tilted her head and replied, "I don't know, maybe. I just know that there's too much noise here to do it." _

"_So me and the kids are 'noise' to you?" He knew that he was egging on the argument but he couldn't help it. _

"_No, it's just…damn it, Martin…" she replied before going quiet again. She sighed heavily with slumped shoulders, looking defeated. _

_There was a huge part of him that wanted to comfort her but there was a bigger part that felt betrayed by Sam's confession. He looked at her and softly whispered, "Go." She looked up at him questioningly and he added, "Go clear your head and we'll talk when you get back." He turned and moved to the bed saying, "I just hope we are both ready to deal with whatever it is you figure out."_

XXX

The next morning when he woke up she was already gone. She had left a note on the bathroom mirror reminding him about Grace needing to take a snack to school and that she would call him when they landed. He had known that she was leaving at dawn to catch the early morning flight but he had hoped that she would wake him up before she left.

However he didn't have much time to dwell on it because since she wasn't there in the morning to help, he had to get ready for work, get both kids up and dressed, get their breakfast together and by the time he was done he was already fifteen minutes behind schedule. He didn't even have time to take Milo for a run so the dog had to make due with their small backyard. He could have sworn that the dog gave him a dirty look when he went out to relieve himself.

On top of that, Frances arrived late because her train was delayed and he still had to stop at the corner bodega and pick up a package of granola bars. So now not only was he going to be late to work but Gracie was going to be late to school as well.

He rushed them along and turned the corner onto the block to the south entrance to her school where they were met with orange barrels, construction crews and a street that had been torn up. Any access to the school from this street was completely barricaded.

Shit.

"I told you," Grace said knowingly as she swayed back in forth in her little yellow rain coat. "Mommy makes sure we go in the other side 'cuz we can't get in this way."

He released an audible sigh and ran his hand over his face. He blew out a breath and looked down at his daughter. "Mom sure knows a lot, doesn't she?"

She grinned and nodded. "Yup."

He laughed and tuned them both around so they could head back up the street to get to the other entrance. It caught him off guard to realize that Sam was the one who almost always walked Grace to school lately. He didn't know such a seemingly insignificant detail like a change about the route to school but she did. It was at this moment that he understood what she might have meant about sacrifices in regards to career advancement. Lately he was so busy working cases that he failed to notice all the little things she did every single day, things he had been taking for granted. He mentally chastised himself for not recognizing how much she does to keep their little family going before quickly resolving to let her know from now on.

He looked down at Grace and said, "I think that we should plan a little surprise for your mom when she gets back to show her how much we appreciate everything she does for us. What do you think about that?"

"I think that's a good idea," Gracie replied with a definitive nod. "But if you want it to be a surprise you shouldn't tell Nate. He can't keep a secret." She shook her head and with sisterly wisdom she solemnly added, "Believe me, I know."


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

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"According to the map we get off on the next exit," Sam said as she traced out their route to Walla Walla Inn Downtown, the hotel where Brenda Reynolds was staying.

"Alright," Danny replied as he clicked on the blinker to change lanes.

She closed the Thomas Guide and let it rest on her lap. She glanced around the quaint town with its aged brick buildings that were renovated into posh shops and trendy coffee bars to cater to the affluent tourists that traveled to their town in order to patronize the local vineyards. It had been raining a steady drizzle from the moment they landed so everything around them looked clean and wet. Martin always mentioned how much he loved living in nearby Seattle because there was always something fun to do outdoors. Every now and then he would talk about how much he would like to take her and the kids on a family vacation here.

She shifted in her seat, feeling more uncomfortable from the way she left things with Martin than from the rental car seat. She slumped down and rested her elbow on the car door, propping her head up with her fist as she recalled getting ready to catch her flight earlier that morning.

XXX

_She crept around the darkened bedroom trying to get dressed without waking Martin or the kids. She knew that Martin was going to have his hands full in the morning so she wanted him to get as much sleep as possible. She entered the bathroom and closed the door before clicking on the light. She had showered the night before so all she had to do was get dressed and apply her makeup. She pulled her hair back into a stylish ponytail and did a quick check in the mirror. Satisfied, she reached over and grabbed a post-it pad she kept in a cabinet and scribbled a quick note to Martin reminding him that Grace needed to take a snack to school. She wished she had remembered sooner so she could have bought something in advance but between her and Martin's schedule's she was lucky she remembered at all. So she stuck the note to the mirror before tossing her toiletries into the cosmetic bag and shutting off the light before heading back into the bedroom. _

_She walked across the room to put the bag into her suitcase. She crammed it into a side pocket and zipped it up. She rolled the suitcase to the door and did a quick mental check to see if there was anything she might have forgotten. Satisfied she had everything she scooted the suitcase out the door before stopping to look at Martin as he lay slumbering in the soft morning light. She stood there watching him for a beat, wondering how it was possible to love someone so much even when they managed to annoy you at the same time. She contemplated waking him up just to say goodbye but after a bit of thought she decided to let him sleep, besides after their argument last night she wasn't sure if they would just pick up where they left off and start fighting again. _

_She reached down to pick-up the bag but suddenly stopped short, thinking that if something were to happen to her or Martin she would hate having left without so much as even a goodbye kiss. So she stepped around the bed and knelt down next to him. She could see his eyes moving around under his lids, he was deep in REM sleep as his chest rose and fell with every breath. Moving carefully she leaned over him and pressed her lips softly to his. She moved back and whispered, "I love you." _

"_Love you too," he mumbled softly before rolling over onto his side. _

_She remained still, thinking that he was awake but after a few seconds she saw that he was still breathing evenly and fast asleep. She smiled to herself, knowing that even in his sleep he loved her enough to tell her so. She considering waking him up so she could say goodbye properly but decided there would be time for that later. This was enough. _

_So she tiptoed out of the room shutting the door behind her. She stopped in Grace's room first and smiled at her daughter who was hanging off of half the bed. Milo looked up at her from where he lay on his dog pillow at the foot of Grace's bed. Satisfied that Sam was not a threat to his favorite girl, he lowered his head back on to his paws and fell back asleep. She carefully maneuvered Grace's limbs back into the bed without waking her and kissed her on the forehead. Next she stopped by Nate's room and had to stifle a giggle at seeing him as he slept with a big smile on his face. He was curled up into a fetal position with his legs tucked in close to his chest. He was such a happy sleeper and she often wished she could see what he dreamed about because it seemed to always put a smile on his face. She adjusted the blanket back over his shoulders and kissed him on his forehead before waking out, gently closing the door behind her. _

_She moved down the hall when her cell phone vibrated in her coat pocket. She pulled it out and saw that was a text from Danny that he was downstairs in the cab to take them to the airport. So she grabbed her suitcase and walked out of the house, locking the door behind her. _

XXX

She had called Martin's cell when they landed but it went straight to voicemail so she left a message telling him that her flight landed safely and she would call again later that night. She thought about calling his office but quickly decided against it. She wanted to talk to him but after their fight she wasn't sure how to communicate what she was really feeling so it would be best to just give them both a little bit of time to cool off.

"What was the name of the hotel again?" Danny asked as he looked out the windshield reading the names of various hotels that lined the busy street.

"Walla Walla Inn," she replied as she spotted the hotel nestled among various shops. It was a small two story brick building that stood along a tree lined street.

Danny parked the car just outside the main entrance. They entered the lobby of the hotel and headed straight for the front desk. Standing behind the counter stood a tall, stocky man with a crew cut and a slight hump on his back. He smiled widely as they approached and Sam noticed that he had a big gap between his two front teeth. "Hello, welcome to Walla Walla Inn, do you have a reservation?"

Her eyes darted to his nametag that read, "Geoffrey." She pulled out her badge and said, "We're special agents Samantha Spade and Danny Taylor. We need to ask you some questions about a guest you have staying here by the name of Brenda Reynolds."

Geoffrey's smile faded and with a serious expression he replied, "Um, I don't know if I can talk to you. We aren't supposed to give out information on our guests. You know, discretion and privacy and all that."

"We already know that she is staying here because there was a charge on her credit card. All we need is her room number," Danny interjected.

Geoffrey hesitated before nodding and clicking a few keys on his computer. He shook his head and said, "I'm sorry, Ms. Reynolds checked out yesterday."

Sam sighed and shared a frustrated look with Danny before asking, "Did she leave a forwarding address or anything like that?"

"No, sorry," he replied.

"It would be really helpful if you could give us a copy of her room bill," she said with a smile.

Geoffrey smiled back and said, "Sure." He clicked his mouse and a moment later handed her the sheet of paper. "Here you go."

"Thanks," she took the sheet of paper and she and Danny stepped away so they could look it over in privacy. "Let's see, a three night stay, a few things from the honor bar and room service yesterday morning."

"That's just before she checked out," Danny commented as he pointed to the line item. "And that's an awfully large bill for room service for one."

Sam smiled coyly and said, "Yeah, either Brenda is a big eater or she wasn't dining alone."

He snatched the paper from her hands and walked back to the front desk. "Can you tell us what Ms. Reynolds ordered yesterday morning for breakfast?"

Geoffrey typed in a few keys and said, "A pot of coffee, a carafe of orange juice, eggs benedict and a Denver omelet."

Danny pointed to the security camera. "Is there security surveillance on all the floors?"

"No, I'm afraid not. We don't have much need for the one we have as it is."

"We're going to need the tapes from the last four days and we are going to want to talk to whoever delivered Ms. Reynolds breakfast yesterday morning."

"That would be me," Geoffrey replied.

"How convenient," Danny commented before asking, "Did you happen to see if she was dining with anyone?"

"I didn't see anyone else," Geoffrey replied before lowering his voice and adding, "But then again, the bedroom door was closed."

"Alright, thanks," Danny said before turning to face Sam. "Okay, so now what?"

Sam stepped forward and said to Geoffrey, "Well, as long as we are waiting we are going to need two rooms." The clerk starting working up the bill so she turned to look at Danny and said, "Hey, we need a place to stay and we are already here. Besides, the Budget Lodge is outside of town."

He laughed. "Okay, but if Jack gives us any grief about how much this place costs I am going to blame you."

"Fair enough," she replied.

"I'll get our bags while you finish checking us in," he said before turning around and walking outside.

Sam gave the clerk the bureau credit card and he slid over the two room keys asking, "I can send the DVRs from the security camera up to Agent Taylor's room as soon as I can get them. Would that be alright?"

She accepted the card keys and said, "That would be great. Thanks."

She turned around and spotted Danny walking back inside carrying each of their bags. She met him halfway and took her bag from him. She handed him his key and said, "You are in room 202 and I am in room 206." He pocketed his key and she added, "The clerk is going to send the footage from the desk up to your room in a little while." Danny nodded his head and they started up the staircase to their rooms. "How about I meet you in about a half-hour?"

"Sounds good," he replied as they reached the second floor. He stopped in front of his door and said, "See you in a few."

He entered his room and she continued down the hall to her own suite. She unlocked the door and was immediately surprised at how posh the accommodations were for such an old building. The room was decorated very contemporary and hip. It had resembled a yuppie style apartment back in New York with its small living area, kitchenette and the bedroom off to the side.

Sam dropped her bags by the front door and wandered around the room before finally settling on the foot of the bed. The bed was soft and welcoming so she fell back onto the comfy mattress and spread her arms out, sighing contentedly. After hours of being on a plane and then in a rental car it felt wonderful. She could feel her entire body sinking into the clean white linens as she enjoyed the blessed quiet. Here in the hotel room there were no small fingers under the door asking her what she was doing, no one demanding her attention or her time. It was just quiet.

She rolled onto her side and looked out the hotel window. The sky was dull gray and slow drizzling rain was pelting on the city below. As she looked out she found her thoughts drifting toward Brenda Reynolds. She wondered what brought the missing woman across the country to this small town. Was she running away from something or running towards something…or someone?

She couldn't help but compare herself to Brenda. A career driven woman who decided to get married and have kids only to sometimes feel like she was being pulled in opposite directions. She understood how hard it can be to shift priorities, to put others needs before yourself but still feel like the sacrifice was to have your own identity slowly be stripped away. While she could never in million years imagine doing what Brenda did there was a little bit of her that understood the motivation to do it. It was a scary thing to admit, even if it was only to herself.

She lay there thinking when she decided it was time to get back to work, so with a heavy sigh she stood up and headed to Danny's room.

True to his word, the clerk sent up the DVRs up and it only took a few minutes to locate Brenda Reynolds.

"Wait, slow it down," she said as she spotted Brenda in a tight fitting dress as she descended the stairs. The women looked carefree as she glanced around the lobby before quickly exiting the hotel.

Danny hit rewind and they watched the scene again. "Wherever she was going she sure was in a hurry."

"Yeah," she replied before snagging remote from Danny. "I'm just going to fast forward and see if we have her on tape when she came back."

Danny gave her an annoyed look and said, "I do know how to work a remote you know. You didn't have to take it from me."

She tilted her head back and forth. "Sorry, I like doing it myself."

He huffed and said, "I guess I know who wears the pants in your marriage."

She glanced at him quickly out of the corner of her eye but remained silent. Finally, around 10:39 pm, Brenda returned to the hotel, only this time she wasn't alone. She was embracing an older man wearing a corduroy blazer with short graying hair. Sam pressed the 'Pause' button to try and get a better look at the man.

"Looks like Brenda didn't waste any time," he commented next to her.

"Yeah," she replied with her eyes on the screen. "Now we just have to figure out who that guy is." She switched the tape to the following morning but from the angle of the camera they only caught the man's backside as Brenda walked to the front desk to check out. "Well, we can send these back to the office but I don't they are going to get a better look at who the guy is than we can."

"You're probably right. So I say we check out the nearby restaurants," he replied as he stood up to stretch. "It looks like she met him for a dinner date and in a town this size I'm pretty sure someone remembers seeing them."

He walked across the room and grabbed his jacket. She stood up to follow him out saying, "Okay, let's go."

They asked Geoffrey to give them a list of possible places that Brenda may have gone to eat and with a large amount of luck they struck gold on their first attempt at the local restaurant, 26brix.

"Yeah, she came in last night," Keiko, the hostess, said as she held Brenda's photo. The hostess was a small petite woman with alabaster skin and silky long black hair. She had a soft voice that immediately put people at ease. She handed the photograph back to Sam. "She met Shane Hamblin in the bar and then they had dinner."

"So you know the man she was with?" Sam asked as she took the photo. She was doing her best to suppress her surprise that not only they found the place she ate but could identify the man she met.

Keiko nodded. "Yes, he is one of our regulars. He owns Hamblin Vineyard." She walked across the foyer and grabbed a flyer from the table and handed it to Danny. The flyer was for a tour of Hamblin Winery, complete with directions and times open for business. "They make the best Pinot in the north west."

"Thank you," Danny replied as he flipped through the flyer before pocketing it. He looked around the small elegant eatery and smiled at Sam. "So what do you say, want to be my date for dinner?"

She laughed and shook her head. "Considering you are the only person I know in this town I'm going to say yes."

He gave her a flirty smirk and looked over at Keiko, "Can we have a table for two please?"


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

XXXXXXX

"So, what was your reason for wanting to come to Washington?" Danny asked as he squeezed the lime juice into his club soda. After the waiter had taken their orders and brought them their drinks they decided to hold off visiting Shane Hamblin until the morning. So they had time to just sit and hang out like they did so many years before the each got married and had kids.

Sam gave him a questioning look and asked, "What do you mean? It's part of my job."

"Come on, Sam, it's me," he replied as he stirred the citrus into the carbonated soda. "We've been friends a long time. I admit that I wanted to come because Emma and have been fighting a lot and I thought we could use a little time apart." He winked and added, "It gives her a chance to miss me." He pulled out the swizzle stick and chewed on one end. "What about you?"

She crunched up her face as if she was preparing to argue but took a sip of her wine and simply replied, "Yeah, same here; must be contagious."

"Emma's a doctor so I'm pretty sure she would argue that fights cannot be transmitted that way," he replied with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. He knew that his problem was directly linked to her father's toxic attitude towards him. But he also knew that he that his and Emma's problems over the matter lately stemmed from him not confronting Emma about it until now. But as was his way, he wanted to ignore his own issues and focus his energy on someone else, namely Sam. "So I know you think I am nosey but I'm asking anyway, what's going on?"

She shifted in her seat looking uneasy. "What did Martin tell you?"

"It doesn't matter. I'm asking you," he replied. A few days before Martin confessed to him that even when he and Sam argued it wasn't really a fight, he felt like he was picking on her. He claimed that she refused to open up to him and tell him what was going on so he decided the best way to get her to let him in was to argue but even then she was so subdued that he felt like a bully.

"I don't know what's going on and that's the problem. I just keep feeling like I'm….lost," she looked away at a couple sitting a few tables away. "There are days when I miss my independence and solitude but then there are other days when I get so protective of my life with Martin and the kids…" she trailed off with a sigh.

"But you also worry that one day it's all going to fall apart?" he finished as he put his elbows on the table.

She finally turned around to meet his eyes and said, "Yeah."

"I feel that way too," he replied. He could see a small look of surprise and then camaraderie cross her face so he pressed on, "I grew up with such a screwed up childhood that some days I can't believe this is my life. I get so grateful but then I also start to panic that the other shoe is going to drop and I'm going to lose it all."

"Me too," she whispered with a half-smile; a look of relief on her face.

"Have you talked to Martin about it?" as he pulled out the gnawed on straw to take a drink of his club soda. The ice now stuck together to form one giant cube that hit his lips when he took a drink.

Sam sighed and started fiddling with the petals of the flower that was in the small vase on the table. "Yes and no. I just don't think he would get it. His life growing up was so different from mine; he never seems to question it. I can't explain it but it's like he is so comfortable in married life, like it was just the next natural evolutionary step." She held up her hands as if she was doing a chart and continued, "baby, child, teen, man, husband, and father. It just doesn't come that easy to me and it makes me feel…inadequate."

"I know what you mean. I feel that way sometimes, too," he replied as he reached over and grabbed his knife to chip away at the ice in his glass. "Emma's a lot like Martin that way. Sometimes I think they would have been a better match. They grew up the same way, two parents still married, a life of privilege, and everything just seems to come so easily to them. Plus, there's that whole all-American way of thinking," he commented as chiseled the cube down to a bunch of icy fragments. "Not like me and you."

"Are you also implying our mutual dysfunctional upbringing would have made us a better match?" Sam asked with a questioning smile.

He looked up at her and grinned. "I don't know, maybe Brenda's mother-in-law had a point, it can be easier to marry someone with a similar background."

Sam met his eyes and blushed. He had to admit he wondered why he and Sam never even considered crossing the line from friends to something more. And yet, he knew the answer: they fell into their friendship so easily that anything else was never even a question.

She watched him for a few beats before shaking her head with a laugh. "It never would have worked, I find you completely unattractive."

He laughed and replied, "It's not my fault you go for those pale white boys. You just can't handle a fiery hot Latino."

"Yeah, that's what it was," she replied with a playful roll of the eyes.

He was still laughing when the waiter returned with their order. He leaned back as the waiter set the plate down in front of him. He grabbed his fork and stabbed a piece of ravioli and popped it into his mouth. He didn't realize how hungry he really was until this moment.

As soon as the waiter walked away, Sam picked up her own fork and began moving her food around but not eating. After a long minute she looked up at him and said, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Shoot," he replied between chews.

She reached over and played with the stem of her wineglass. "Do you ever have days where you miss the life you had before?"

"You mean before Emma and the kids?" he asked. She nodded and he replied, "There are days when I think my life would be easier. I wouldn't have to worry about what kind of trouble my demon boys are getting into, I could do whatever I want when I want, I could drop $400 bucks on tickets and not worry I was squandering money….Plus, there is the added bonus that I wouldn't have to deal with in-laws….yeah, sometimes I miss it. But that feeling is so miniscule when I think about the life I have now." He plucked another piece of ravioli and asked, "What about you?"

"Don't get me wrong, I love my family more than I can describe but lately I miss not having to worry about anyone but me," she admitted with a trembling voice. "Does that make me a horrible person?"

"No," he replied soothingly. "Being a spouse and parent is the hardest thing in the world. At some point I think everyone misses being able to get back to only having to take care of their own needs." He put down his fork and asked, "I guess the question is do you miss your old life more than you like the one you have now. I mean, if a genie came to you and gave you a choice, which life would you choose?"

She met his eyes and said, "My life before was easier and somewhat saner but it doesn't have Martin, Grace or Nate. It wouldn't even have to be a choice." She shook her head and added, "The problem is, even so, I still have all these feelings that I can't reconcile."

"Look, I'm going to give you my advice and you can either take it or not: talk to Martin," he leaned in and said, "He loves you and he is more bothered when you don't tell him anything."

"He wasn't very understanding last night," she replied as she told him about the fight she and Martin had the night before.

Danny stifled his frustration at his friend's obtuse behavior and decided to play devil's advocate. "So your husband can be a bit of a schmuck sometimes, he did say he wants to talk when you get back. So talk, really talk. Tell him what you told me. I know him and he loves you a lot more than you seem to give him credit for."

"Thanks, Danny," she replied with a grateful smile as she finally started to eat her dinner. "And you know, it might have been easier to marry someone more like me but I also know that half the fun with Martin is how different we can be," she replied with a pensive smile. "He can drive me crazier than anyone else I've ever met but I also know I wouldn't change a single thing."


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

XXXXXXX

After dinner Sam said goodnight to Danny and headed back to her room to enjoy a little quality time alone. Here in this hotel room there was no bed time to worry about, baths to give or bedtime stories to read. She could do whatever she wanted – as soon as she called home of course.

She walked into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed as she pulled off her boots. She adjusted the pillows against the headboard, sat back and reached over for her cell phone to call home.

"Fitzgerald-Spade residence," Frances answered.

"Hello Frances," she replied as she rubbed her feet. "How are things?"

"We had a hectic morning but I think we've finally managed to get things put right," Frances said sounding calm and unconcerned. In the background she could hear Gracie's voice asking who was on the phone. "Mrs. Spade, I have someone here who really wants to speak to you."

Sam laughed softly and said, "Put her on please, Frances. And thank you for working over time to help out."

"No worries, you just hurry home." Frances replied before handing the phone over to Grace.

"Hi mommy," Grace greeted her cheerily.

"Hi sweetie," she replied, smiling at the sound of her little girl's voice. "How was school today?"

"Daddy didn't know the right way to go and I tried to tell him but he wouldn't listen so I was late to school and he had to talk to Miss Kennedy and apologize," she replied in one quick breath.

Sam shook her head and replied, "Well, as long as daddy got you there that's the important thing."

"Yeah," Grace replied. "Oh! Guess what, mom? We got a new class pet, a Guinea Pig named Herbert. He's brown and white and is so cute and Miss Kennedy let me hold him during story time and…"

Grace then proceeded to carry on a long, one sided conversation detailing her entire day. As Sam listened she laughed softly at her daughter's incredibly ability to talk for seemingly endless lengths of time. It was like as soon as she learned her first words she couldn't stop.

Although, while Grace picked up a lot of words fairly easily and at such a young age there was one word that took a lot of training to get her to say: mama.

XXX

"_Sam! Sam!" Gracie shouted from her high chair. _

_Sam sighed and turned around from where she stood at the stove. She smiled at Grace and said, "Mama, say Mama," _

_While Grace referred to everyone else by their proper title or name she insisted on calling Sam by her first name and showed no signs of relenting. She called Martin 'dada', Milo was 'Miwo', and Frances was 'Ances'. She could even say 'owie' if she hurt herself, she knew what to call a cup and spoon and her then there were her two most demanding words, 'up' and 'down'. But the word Mama was not to be found anywhere in her limited vocabulary. Her own mom had told her that was probably because Grace heard Martin refer to her as Sam all the time so she picked up on it. So until they could get Grace to start calling her Mama – there was a moratorium on anyone in the house or near the baby calling her Sam. _

_Grace banged her bright green plastic Sippy cup on the table and shouted, "Sam! Sam! Sam!"_

_She walked over and leaned in close, meeting her child's big blue eyes and said again, "Mama, say Ma-ma." _

_She was rewarded with a gummy smile, the small white tips of budding teeth just starting to become visible. She smiled at her beautiful daughter's face, a perfect blend of her and Martin. Grace reached over and tapped Sam playfully on her cheeks, leaning her face really close to plant a slobbery wet kiss. _

"_You think you're so cute don't you?" Sam joked as she inhaled the scent of baby shampoo on Grace's crown before the infant leaned back to meet her eyes and laugh again. "Don't you know your mama is an FBI agent? I'm trained to make people talk." _

_Grace just smiled and shoved her balled up fist into her mouth, completely unimpressed. Sam reached over to wipe up a fine sheen of drool from her daughter's chubby chin when the kitchen door swung open and Martin appeared, returning from his afternoon run. He looked sweaty and spent with Milo in tow looking just as worn out. The dog was panting heavily and made a quick beeline to the water dish. _

_Grace smiled, pointed to Martin and said, "Dada!"_

"_Hey, Gracie," he said while giving Sam a sympathetic look. He toed off his sneakers and asked, "Any luck?" _

"_Nope, she still insists on calling me S-A-M," she spelled out. Still feeling mildly disappointed she smiled at Grace and tried again, "Ma-Ma."_

_Grace smiled and began, "M…" They both stood still while she held her breath waiting for Grace to finish. Her hopes were soaring high when Grace stopped, gave them a coquettish smile and pointed to the dog saying, "Miwo!" _

_Sam moaned out loud feeling frustrated when the infant burst into a fit of giggles. She laughed and tickled the baby's belly saying, "Are you enjoying making your mama crazy? Is that what you are doing?" The little girl curled over in a spasm of giggles, enjoying all the attention. She lifted Grace out of her high chair and rested the little girl on her hip. She looked at Martin and said, "It's just not fair. I call you by your name as much as you do me but you get to be dada and I am S…my name."_

_Martin laughed and reached over to gently caress Grace's cheek. "She just needs a little more time. You should be happy that she at least knows your name. It could be worse, she could call you Milo." _

_Sam gave him a dirty look and replied, "Thanks dada, you're a big help." She playfully bounced Grace on her side and annunciated carefully as she said, "Say Ma-Ma. Mama."_

_Grace just grinned and rested her head on Sam's shoulder. She sighed, giving up for the moment and returned to stirring the tomato soup in the pot. _

_Martin walked to the sink and filled up a glass of water, quickly chugging it down. He put his glass in the sink and said, "Is lunch almost ready?" _

"_Yeah," Sam replied before turning around and putting Gracie back in her high chair. She grabbed some fish crackers and tossed them on the tray for Grace. "I just have to make the grilled cheese sandwiches." She reached over to move the boiling pot aside but regretted it the moment her skin touched the scalding hot metal handle. "Augh!" she yelped in pain. _

_Martin rushed over to tend to her injury, leading her to the kitchen sink and running cold water over her hand. "Are you okay?"_

"_It hurts," she replied as she glanced down to see a red blister forming on her hand. She shook her head and grumbled, "I can't believe I did something so stupid."_

_He gave her a sympathetic look before examining her wound. "It looks like it's going to blister but it doesn't look too bad. I don't think we have to go the ER."_

_Sam nodded, asking, "Do we have any burn cream in the first aid kit?"_

_He nodded and was about to say something when a small voice asked, "Mama owie?" _

_They both turned to look at their little girl watching them with wide worried eyes as she pointed to Sam and said again, "Mama owie?" _

_Sam completely forgot about the throbbing pain in her hand as she smiled at her daughter and replied, "Yeah, sweetie, mama burned her hand." _

_Grace nodded her head knowingly and said, "Ouch." _

"_Ouch." Sam repeated with a nod and a smile. She turned to look at Martin who was grinning at her. She smiled and said, "Mama has an owie." _

_He leaned in and kissed her on the lips before stepping back saying, "Okay, mama, just keep it under the running water and I'll grab the first aid kit." He started out of the kitchen before giving Gracie a quick kiss on the forehead whispering, "Take care of mama until I get back."_

"'_kay," Grace replied following Martin with her eyes until he was out of sight. She turned back to Sam and said again, "Mama ouch." _

XXX

After that, she was pretty much mama all the time. The only time Grace referred to her as Sam was when calling out for mama was not responded to quickly enough for her liking. Of course, since Sam didn't reply as swiftly when Grace called her by her first name she would resort to calling out for dada; which Nate also picked up courtesy of his older sister's habit and which is why Martin became the first choice for early morning and late night demands. She still found it really amusing that to this day her federally trained husband had not made the connection but she was also not about to alter the current status quo. She decided to either just let him figure it out on his own or let him keep assuming that she possessed the ability to train her children so well.

Finally Grace took a breath before finally adding, "Oh, and guess what, mom?"

"What?" Sam replied as she settled against the pillows.

"Dixie is going to have kittens!" Grace boasted.

Sam held her breath as she listened to her daughter tell her all about how Frances' discovered that the stray cat that Grace rescued was expecting kittens in about three weeks. Martin had helped Grace put signs all over the neighborhood announcing that they found a lost cat but so far they hadn't received as much as a single phone call. As soon as Grace was done giving her all the details of how Frances was taking care of Dixie she said, "That's very exciting."

"But don't worry mom, I'm not asking if I can have one. I'm just telling you cuz I thought you should know," the little girl replied matter-of-factly.

"That's very considerate of you," she replied, not believing her daughters motives one bit.

"I mean, if you wanted to get me one I wouldn't mind…and I would take care of it and feed it and clean up after it…" she trailed off before quickly adding, "Just so you know. But I'm not asking."

"Thank you, Gracie, but if we were to get another pet your dad and I would have to discuss it first, okay?"

"Yeah, I know," she replied deflated. "That's what daddy said too,"

Sam laughed lightly and asked, "So where is your daddy?"

"He's giving Nate a bath, hang on and I'll go get him."

Sam wanted to tell Grace to just tell Martin to call her when they were done but the little girl must have just started carrying the phone to the bathroom, not really listening anymore because all she could hear was the sound of footsteps walking down the hall, the creak of a door opening and then Martin's off-key voice singing Nate's favorite bath time song, "Splish splash, I was taking a bath, long about a Saturday night. A rub-a-dub, just relaxing in the tub, thinking everything was alright. Well, I stepped out of the tub, put my feet on the floor, I wrapped the towel around me and I opened the door. And then I splish, splash... I jumped back in the bath. How was I to know there was a party going on?"

Nate laughed and splashed some water when Grace announced, "Dad, mommy is on the phone."

"She is?" In the background Sam heard Nate laughing at something Grace was saying before Martin said into the phone, "Hey."

"Hey yourself," she greeted. He sounded relaxed and non-confrontational so she responded in kind. "Is everything going alright?"

"Yeah, I guess, I hope so," he replied. "We had a few problems getting started but I think we got the all straightened out." He got quiet for a beat and added, "I definitely missed you this morning; things don't go as smooth when you aren't here."

Sam smiled and said, "It's good to know that you miss me when I'm not around."

"I always do," he breathed out.

She could hear the kids laughing and the sound of splashing water. She sunk deeper into the pillows and said, "Well we have a big lead on the case and if it works out, then I should be home tomorrow night."

"Good," he replied before going quiet again.

"Martin" "Sam" they both began at the same time.

"Sorry," she said. "You go first."

He released an audible sigh that she could hear over the phone. "I just wanted to say I am sorry for the way I acted yesterday."

She felt her chest tighten at his words, wishing she was there or he was here so they could talk face to face but that wasn't possible so she simply replied, "Me too."

"I wanna talk to mommy!" Nate's little voice demanded.

"It seems we all miss you," Martin said, a smile evident in his voice. "Hang on and I'll let you talk to Nate."

"Hi," Nate greeted her in his soft, sweet little voice.

"Hey sweetie," she said. "Are you squeaky clean?"

"Yeah, my fingers are starting to look like raisins," he replied with a laugh.

She smiled, picturing the pruned pads of her baby boy's fingertips from sitting in the water for a long time; a bathtub full of bubbles and small plastic sailboats or toy dinosaurs. "I think that means it's time for daddy to take you out of the bath."

"Oh-kay," he replied, sounding very much like his father.

"Okay," she mimicked. "I love you and I'll be home as soon as I can."

"I love you too," he replied before going quiet.

He must have handed the phone to Grace because she was on the line next. "Goodnight mommy. I love you and bring me back something."

Sam shook her head bemusedly. "I love you too and I will think about getting you and your brother a gift but only if you are good for your daddy. He needs all the help he can get."

"I will," Grace replied. "Bye."

There was some rustling sounds and then Martin's voice. "Hey, I better hang up and get these two munchkins ready for bed."

"Give them both a kiss good night from me."

"Will do," he replied. He was quiet for a beat before he softly said, "Goodnight and hopefully I'll see you tomorrow."

"Good night," she replied before quickly saying, "Martin?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

She hit the 'END' button and held the cell phone to her. She looked out her hotel room window at the street lights outside, illuminating the main street of the small town. And before she knew how it happened, she suddenly wished she wasn't in this hotel in Washington but back at home in a drafty old brownstone helping get the kids ready for bed.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

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"Babe!" Marcus shouted from his office. "Have you seen my briefcase?"

Viv sighed and shook her head from where she sat at the kitchen table. With each passing year her husband was becoming more and more like the absentminded professor. He was constantly misplacing his files, books, and once she even found his car keys in the refrigerator. She might be more worried if he wasn't still sharp as a tack in most other areas. She put down the paper she was in the middle of grading and shouted back, "Did you look in the living room? I think I saw it on the sofa."

She could hear him walk down the hall to the living room. Satisfied that he could handle the search on his own, she returned her attention to the latest batch of papers from her course on the principles of evidence and criminal procedure. She had to admit that while teaching lacked the adrenaline rush from being a federal agent she was enjoying it. It also helped that she was able to apply her own personal stories into her lesson plans. She often used examples from cases she worked into her lectures and judging by the steadily increasing enrollment in her courses, the students liked that as well.

She made some minor corrections and comments on the paper, decided that the student's effort earned them an 'A-' and then added it to her stack of graded papers. She reached for another paper when Marcus walked into the living room, briefcase in hand. She smiled at him and said, "I see you found it."

"It was right where you said it was," he replied before tossing it on the empty chair next to her. He walked to the stove and put the tea kettle on. "I'm making myself a cup of tea, do you want some?"

"That would be nice, thanks." She glanced at the title of the student's paper and turned to the first page. Marcus walked up behind her and started to read over her shoulder. She looked up at him and noticed the frown on his face. "What?" she asked.

"I just don't know how you can read so many papers like that," he replied as the tea kettle whistled. He stepped back over to the stove to assemble their tea. "They're so….technical. It's like reading a bunch of mini-textbooks."

She laughed and replied, "That's because the assignment was to respond to my lecture on criminal procedure." She turned around in her seat to face him. "I agree they may lack the whimsical fancy of papers you may get in your Contemporary World Literature course but I'd rather they get the material down right rather than make stuff up about regulations regarding search and seizure."

Marcus smiled and walked over, handing her a steaming mug, the tag from the tea bag still hanging over the rim. "That's called fiction. And while I'm sure that from a legal standpoint you are correct, think how much more fun those papers would be to read."

She cradled the mug between her two hands and replied, "You have a point." She took a sip of her tea. "Actually I was just thinking how much more the students retain when I use real world examples. I thought I might ask Jack to be a guest lecturer for a few classes next semester."

Marcus stirred honey into his tea and replied, "That seems like a good idea but I can't imagine Jack agreeing to do it."

"So I'll call in some markers," she replied knowing that Marcus was right. For all of Jack's dynamic personality, he hated being the center of attention and when you are addressing a lecture hall of fifty plus students there was no place to hide. However, she also knew that the students would like him so she winked and added, "He'll have to do it. He still owes me a few."

"Well, good luck with that," he replied as he picked up his briefcase, careful to not spill any of his tea. He started back to his office and said over his shoulder, "Just be sure to tell me when he does it. That's one class that I will want to sit in on."

She watched him go before getting a devilish smile on her lips and standing up. She grabbed the cordless phone that was resting on the island in the kitchen and dialed.

After a few rings, Jack's gruff voice answered, "Malone."

"Hey Jack," she greeted him.

"Hey Viv, what are you up to?" he asked, his curt answer transitioning to a friendlier tone.

She smiled into the phone and said, "How would you like to see what it's like to be a college professor?"

"I wouldn't," he replied promptly.

She grinned widely and just as promptly replied, "Yeah, well guess what, you're going to find out anyway."


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

XXXXXXX

"Yeah, we are on our way to interview Shane Hamblin," Sam said into her cell phone. There were several clicks and pauses and she was certain that the connection was fading fast.

"Call….get….I will…." Jack said, being repeatedly cut off mid-sentence.

"Jack, there's no cell phone reception in this area…" she started to interrupt when the line went dead. She glanced at her cell phone and saw that there were no bars indicating no reception before the screen shut down announcing that it was in ROAM and was scanning for any nearby cell phone tower. She snapped her phone shut and turned to Danny, "Well, I think he got the general idea on where we are going. I'll call him back when we get a signal again."

She tossed her phone onto the console between their seats and leaned back to scan her surroundings. The only way to describe the drive to Hamblin Vineyard was picturesque. On each side were lush green fields of grape vines lined up in rows that were broken up intermittently by a random tree that seemed about a hundred years old. It was a scene that would make a lovely postcard with a caption that read, "Wish you were here."

"You have to admit, if you are going to run away from your life this is a pretty beautiful place to do it," Danny commented from the driver's seat.

Sam nodded her head in agreement when she spotted a large white ranch house about two miles down. It looked in pristine condition and sat alongside a large barn like structure. "That must be where Shane Hamblin lives."

Danny nodded his head and continued driving along the small county road towards the house. The pulled to a stop in a circular drive way and stepped out of the car. It was a small enough vineyard that any visitors were immediately noticed. A young woman with long curly brown hair wearing blue jeans and a fleece jacket came out to greet them.

"Hello, welcome to Hamblin Vineyard. I'm Phoebe Greer," she said with a smile. "What can I do for you?"

Sam held up her badge and said, "We are looking for Shane Hamblin or Brenda Reynolds. Have you seen either one of them today?"

"What's this about?" she asked warily.

Danny stepped closer and leaned in to meet Phoebe's eyes. "We just need to ask them a few questions. Are they here?"

She motioned to the barn structure. "They're in the winery."

"Thank you," Sam replied as Danny marched ahead of her to the barn. She caught up with him as he opened the door and they both went inside.

The air in the winery smelled of oak, grapes, alcohol and something else she couldn't quite identify but the smell alone made her crave a glass of whatever it was that they were mixing. She and Danny walked along a large corridor of corked up barrels and when they reached the end they started to turn up the next row when she saw them: Brenda Reynolds and Shane Hamblin were pressed up against a barrel making out like horny teenagers.

Danny cleared his throat and the couple flew apart, looking flushed and surprised at being caught in such a compromising position.

Shane recovered first and asked, "Hello, can I help you?"

Sam stepped forward, trying her best to restrain a disappointed look. While she shouldn't be surprised she had to admit that she was still holding out a little bit of hope that Brenda hadn't willingly abandoned her entire family for a tryst. "Actually, we're here to speak with Brenda."

Brenda cast a nervous glance over at Shane before asking, "Me? Why?"

"We're here following up on a missing persons report." Danny said, his voice sounding accusatory as he added, "Your husband, Albert, has been searching for you."

"Husband?" Shane asked, sounding genuinely surprised. A guilty expression appeared on Brenda's face as he looked at her and asked, "What is he talking about?"

She stepped forward and placed a hand on his forearm and said, "Shane, I can explain everything but first I need to talk with them alone."

He shook his head ever so slightly. "Brenda…."

"Please, Shane, just give me a minute," she said again. He nodded his head reluctantly and then walked off, casting them one more dubious glance before disappearing from sight. Brenda cleared her throat and looked at Sam, "I suppose you want to know what I am doing here, why I left."

Danny folded his arms and replied, "Yeah that would be helpful. Maybe you can tell us why you decided to just get up and leave without so much as phone call letting your family know you are alive."

To her credit, Brenda managed to look remorseful. "I meant to call Albert but every time I picked up the phone I lost my nerve."

Sam spoke up before Danny could pounce again. "Why not at least leave a note?"

Brenda took a deep breath and paused. She walked over to a metal fold out chair against the wall and sat down. "I honestly didn't know I was going to leave. I just go in my car and drove to the store but then I decided to just keep driving." She stared at the barrel across from her and continued, "I had just hung up on my mother-in-law and I felt so lost. Then the radio station started playing this song on the radio. It was one of my favorites from a long time ago…"

XXX

_Brenda is in her car and she angrily tosses her cell phone at the floor space on the passenger side. She is as antsy and desperate for some noise she reaches over and clicks on the radio. A bluesy song by Jewel is playing, her waiflike voice filling the tense air, "Who will save your soul when it comes to the flowers now? Who will save your soul after all the lies that you told, boy? Who will save your soul if you won't save your own?"_

_She pulled to a stop at a light and hit the blinker, signaling the way home. She was aware of her surroundings but mentally she is a miles away and much younger. She remembers when she was in college and this song was popular among the alternative set on campus. It played all the time and she could still remember lying in her dorm room bed with Shane. They made love as the song played on her stereo that sat on her desk. Only the light from her lava lamp and radio dials illuminating the small space. It seemed so long ago that she was that girl who was so young and free and full of dreams. The only priority in her life was her schoolwork, having fun and doing whatever she wanted when she wanted. She was going to kick ass in business, travel the world and never, ever get tied down like her mother. She wasn't going to be that wife that cooked and cleaned and put her husband's needs before her own; never. Not her. _

"_Some are walking, some are talking; some are stalking their kill. You got social security, but that don't pay your bills. There are addictions to feed and there are mouths to pay so you bargain with the Devil, say you're o.k. for today."_

_She still isn't sure how it happened. When she met Albert he encouraged her to be that free spirit that he feel in love with and that's why she feel in love with him. At least she thought it was love but now she couldn't be sure. The only feeling she still had for him was indifference. So she agreed to marry him. And it was okay for awhile, she still worked long hours at the office and they both were able to maintain their independence. And then she got pregnant and she could feel her own dreams slowly being seeped out of her. _

_Whenever her friends talked about their kids and selfless love she pretended she understood but she never did. All she could think was what mindless automatons they were, how they could be so willing to lose their own identity in order to create someone else's. She tried to understand; to feel what they felt but the only she could feel was yearning. She yearned to return to the way things were before: when she could pack up a suitcase and hit the road whenever she wanted; when her life was hers and hers alone._

_It was easy to suppress those feelings because being at work gave her a little space to be the woman she believed herself to be; the one who came without strings. That was why she jumped into an affair with Joseph. She wasn't someone's mom or wife; she was the adventurous woman she believed herself to be. But after she was laid off and couldn't find any jobs in her field and Joseph ended their affair she felt desperate, anxious. She hated every moment having to be home and worry about dinner and holiday plans. She started to compare herself with a caged animal._

"_You say that you love them, take their money and run. Say, it's been swell, sweetheart, but it was just one of those things. Those flings, those strings you've got to cut so get out on the streets, girls, and bust your butts. Who will save your soul when it comes to the flowers now? Who will save your soul after all the lies that you told, boy? Who will save your soul if you won't save your own?"_

_A car honked behind her and she looked up to find the light had gone green. She stared at the street leading her home and the life she had there. But instead of turning, she took a deep breath and drove straight ahead. _

XXX

"I told myself I was just going to go for a drive to clear my head but eventually I was out of the city and I just kept driving," Brenda finished. "I remembered reading in the alumni newsletter that Shane had started a vineyard here so I just pointed my car west. So I decided to come here and get a fresh start." She looked in the direction that Shane had exited earlier. "When I got here I decided to not tell Shane about Albert and the kids. As far as he knew I was still Brenda Stokes."

Danny huffed out an angry breath. "That's it? You're telling me you left your husband and two little kids because you missed your independence? I've heard some pretty selfish excuses…."

Brenda stood up, her face contorted in anger. "Who are you to judge me?! You can't understand how trapped I felt. That desperate feeling…" Her eyes glanced at Sam's wedding band and she asked, "Do you have any children?"

Sam nodded. "Two."

"Then you must know what I am talking about. You life isn't your own anymore. They want to be fed, changed, cleaned up, it never ends. At work you are a professional federal agent but at home you are just their servant. There is no peace, no chance to just be alone, do what you want to do. Don't you ever feel like they suffocate you?"

"I feel like I am their mother," Sam replied. "I know it can be frustrating Brenda, I know the feeling of wanting to reclaim who you used to be but I also know they are my children. They are a part of me." Unbidden an image of her own father driving away appeared in her mind. That sense of loss still aching in her heart. She would never want Grace or Nate to know that feeling. "I could never imagine doing to my kids what you are doing to yours."

"Well, then I guess you're a better person than I am," Brenda said bitterly. She shook her head and folded her arms across her chest. "But I know I couldn't do it anymore." She started walking away and said, "You can go back and tell Albert that you found me."

Sam stepped in Brenda's path and said, "You should call him yourself. Give him some closure, a chance to say goodbye. It's the least you can do."

She sighed and said, "Maybe." She stepped around Sam and continued walking. She stopped at the corner and looked back saying, "You can think what you want but I know my kids will forgive me when they are older. They'll understand that I left for their own good – and mine."

Sam met the woman's eyes and replied, "No they won't. No matter what you may think or say, they'll never understand how you could leave them behind."


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

XXXXXXX

"So that's it? She was just tired of being married and a mom and just wanted to leave?" Albert asked; his face cloaked in anguish.

"It looks that way," Jack replied as he sat in Albert's living room. Danny had called him from a phone at Hamblin Vineyard telling him that they found Brenda and she wouldn't be coming home with them.

"If she was so unhappy why didn't she just ask me for a divorce? Why did she have to go across the country without so much as even a forwarding address?" he asked, wringing his hands worriedly. The man looked like he had aged ten years in the few days since his wife disappeared. "What in the hell am I supposed to tell my kids?"

"You tell them that their mother is going through some stuff and had to go away. Never mention what it was that drove her away, not yet anyway. If they ask when they are older that's one thing but right now they are too young to understand." Jack replied. He knew too well that the kids were going to blame themselves as it was. There was no need to add more salt to a wound that may never heal. "You tell them that you love them and will always be there for them. And then get yourself a good lawyer."

Albert looked at him with sorrowful eyes and nodded his head. He stood up and said, "Thank you for coming to tell me in person." He walked to a table and picked up a set of keys saying, "I better go pick up the kids from my mother's. We're going to have a lot to talk about."

Jack stood up and started to the door. He put his hand on the doorknob, looked at Albert and said, "Good luck, Mr. Reynolds."

Albert gave him a tight lipped smile and replied, "Thanks, I am sure I am going to need it."

Jack exited the home and walked to his car. He knew that Albert Reynolds was going to have a long, hard road ahead. The first being telling his kids that their mother had willingly chosen to leave.

He pulled out his car keys and pressed the key to deactivate the alarm remembering the morning that he and Maria had to tell Kate and Hanna that they would all be going on to Chicago without him.

XXX

_Maria sat both girls down on the sofa while she sat on the coffee table and he paced behind her, dreading what they were going to have to do. She looked so calm and collected compared to the girls who sat stiff and nervous as if they were going to get a lecture; sort of like how he felt. _

"_Girls, your father and I need to tell you something," Maria began, the crack in her voice betraying her cool exterior. "Your father will not be coming with us to Chicago." _

"_Is he going to come later?" Hanna asked with her wide eyes on him. _

_Kate on the other hand grew angry and said, "No he isn't." She bored her eyes into him and said, "You're getting a divorce aren't you?" _

"_Yes," he replied with a solemn nod. He finally stopped his pacing and sat down next to Maria. Despite their agreement to remain civil in front of the kids he could feel her tense up next to him. "But your mother and I want you to know that we both love you and this has nothing, nothing to do with either of you." _

_Hanna's eyes welled with tears and she leapt onto his lap, wrapping her little arms around his neck as she pleaded, "But I don't want to go to Chicago without daddy! Don't get a divorce, I'll be better I promise!" _

_He felt her tighten her grip around his neck. He gently caressed her back and whispered, "None of this is your fault. Your mother and I just can't stay married anymore. But we are only divorcing each other, we aren't divorcing you." _

_Kate stood up and walked over to the window and stared outside, a sullen expression on her face. Maria looked over at their daughter and asked, "Kate, I know you are angry but this is the best…"_

"_I'm not angry," she replied. "I mean, it's not like this is the first time daddy left us right? He left before so I'm used to it." _

_To her credit, Maria got a guilty expression on her face. She gave him a sympathetic apologetic look but it did nothing to alleviate his anger at her that the girls were still going to blame him. She took a deep breath and stood up, walking over to the where Kate stood. She brushed some hair from the young girl's face and said, "This isn't just your dad's decision. It's mine, too. I know it doesn't feel like it but eventually you will find that this is the best decision for all of us."_

_Kate didn't reply but kept her gaze fixed outside the window. He felt Hanna twitch in his arms and he looked down at her sad brown eyes. He couldn't even begin to imagine not seeing them every single day. He knew that he worked a lot but just knowing that they were near gave him an indescribable comfort. He wiped some tears from her cheeks and said, "I want you to know that I am going to fly down and see you as much as I can. And your mom agreed to let you both come back during school breaks until we can figure out a more permanent plan, okay?" _

_She jutted out her lower lip and wiped her nose with her hand. "You promise?" _

_He smiled and said, "I promise." _

_Maria put her arms on Kate's shoulders and said, "Maybe daddy can take you to Millennium Park so you can see that sculpture that you said looked like a giant silver bean. That will be fun won't it?" _

_Kate shrugged her shoulders and remained silent. He knew that while Hanna was in tears right now she would recover much faster than Kate from this blow. Kate was so bright and sensitive that she internalized things that were too painful to process. She was a lot more like him that way. _


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

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Danny clenched and unclenched his fists around the steering wheel several times. He hated cases like these – they may be far and few between but whenever they find out that the missing person willingly choose to disappear for selfish reasons it ignited something in him; anger, frustration and utter lack of faith in other people.

"You might want to loosen your grip," Sam commented with her eyes on the steering wheel. "Your knuckles are white. You're cutting off the circulation squeezing the wheel like its Brenda's neck."

He tilted his head in agreement and loosened up, sliding his hands to the customary ten and two position. "I don't know why you are so calm. Didn't she piss you off?"

Sam shook her head and stared out the passenger window at the vineyard. "She just made me sad, really, really sad." She sighed, slumped back in her seat and with a melancholy smile said, "And made me really want to go home and hug my kids."

He smiled, feeling the same way himself. He turned the car back onto the main road back to the town when his cell phone beeped, announcing that they were getting reception again. "Looks like we are back in the realm of technology."

Sam reached into jacket pocket and grabbed her cell. "I'll call the airport and see if we can get us on the next flight back to New York."

While she was still on the phone with the airline his own cell chimed announcing that he had messages. He called up his voicemail and discovered in the short time they were at the vineyard he had received three messages. The first message was from Emma. She sounded nervous but spoke slowly as she said, "Danny, please call me on my cell. If you can't reach me call me on my hospital line as soon as you get this message." She paused and he could have sworn he heard her choke up before she added, "Bye."

He was listening to the digital voice telling him the day and time of the next call when Sam hung up and said, "I've booked us on the next flight. It leaves in a few hours and I think by the time we check out and drive back to Seattle we should just make it."

He kept the phone to his ear but acknowledged that he heard her. The second message was Emma again, this time sounding a little more urgent, almost frantic, "It's me again. Where are you? Call me. It's really important." He was waiting to hear the third message when he noticed that Sam's cell chimed announcing she had messages too. He didn't know why but this revelation made him very nervous. He didn't even bother to listen to his own final message before pulling over on the side of the road to call Emma back.

Sam had her cell to her ear when she looked at him in disbelief asking, "What's going on?"

"I'm trying to find out," he replied shakily. He hit his speed dial to call Emma on her private cell but it went straight to voicemail. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Sam dialing her own phone. He called her hospital cell and she answered after the first ring. "Em, it's me. What's going on?"

She paused and asked, "Um, are you driving? Is Sam with you?"

"I'm not driving and Sam's right here," he replied quickly glancing at Sam who was talking on her cell, judging by her tone she was talking to Martin, something that made his stomach clench into knots. "What's going on? You're starting to scare me."

Emma's voice cracked as she said, "Danny, Melanie and the kids were in a car accident. Frances, Nate and Grace were with them."

Danny could have sworn that he could feel the earth drop out beneath him. He turned to look at Sam and judging by her blanched expression Martin had just told her what happened too. He kept his eyes on Sam as he asked Emma, "What? Are they okay? What happened?"

Now his wife's voice picked up the clinical tone of a doctor. "Eli, Nate and Mike are a little banged up but seem okay. I think Grace's arm is broken, Diego has a pretty bad gash on his forehead so we might run a few tests just to be sure it's nothing more serious, Melanie has a broken leg and a concussion so they want to keep her overnight, and Frances is complaining of back pain." She paused to catch her breath. "They are all down in the ER still. I am on my way to check on Diego's CT."

"What happened?" he asked worriedly. Next to him he could hear Sam asking the same sorts of questions to Martin. Sam turned to look at him and he recognized the same fear in her eyes.

"They were taking the kids to the zoo to see the new baby penguins when some asshole stockbroker rammed into them. He was arguing with someone on his cell phone and wasn't paying attention. Of course, he's fine." She sounded furious as she told him. He knew that Emma was fierce as a mother bear protecting her cubs. "Can you come home right away? I really want you here."

"We're booked on the next flight back to New York so I'll be home as soon as I can," he replied trying to reign in his fears. "I'll call you as soon as I land to see if I should go home or to the hospital. I know tests can take awhile."

"Good idea. I called Rafi and he said that he and Julia can take care of the Eli and Mike if we need them to."

"Good," he said, praying that they wouldn't find any problems and they could all go home together tonight. "Tell the boys and I love them….and…." He was at a lost to say. He suddenly wished that he had one of those teleportation devices like they did in Star Trek so he could be there right now instead of the hours it was going to take to fly back.

"I will. God, Danny when they called me I was so scared…" She stopped talking and he could hear her crying.

"I'm scared too. But you said that it looks like they are going to be okay. Let's focus on that," he replied, trying to control his own worries.

"Yeah, they're going to be fine." She took a breath and then he heard a man start talking to her. "Hold on," she said. He could hear them talking but couldn't make out what was being discussed. She came back on the line and said, "I have to call you back. I can't take the cell into x-ray."

"Call me as soon you get out," he replied.

"I will. I'm sure the kids will want to talk to you too. I gotta go," she replied before quickly adding, "Hurry home."

She hung up and he looked over at Sam who was still on the phone with Martin.

"Call me when you get there," she said softly, her eyes watery with tears. "I love you too." She closed her phone and turned back to look at Danny.

"You okay?" he asked, knowing full well that she was just as upset as he was.

"No," she answered, shaking her head. "I need to go home right now."

He nodded his head and pulled the car back onto the highway, pressing on the accelerator to hurry them to the airport and back to their families as fast as he could.


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

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"Fuck," Dawson growled as he had to slow down to maneuver around a slow moving tractor trailer that was hauling a mobile home.

Martin rode along in the passenger seat as the bureau issued sedan speed along the interstate hurrying to St. Andrew's hospital. Dawson had the lights flashing and sirens wailing as he cruised through the traffic. Normally, Martin liked to be the one to drive but in this case he didn't trust himself to be behind the wheel. They had been investigating a case in Toms River, NJ were an officer with NYPD called to notify him of the car accident. Thankfully the officer had told him that they were all being sent to St. Andrew's so he called ahead to both warn Emma as well as make sure that he would get constant updates until he could get back to the city. He had tried calling Sam but her cell phone was out of range so he had to leave a cryptic but urgent message. He didn't want to tell her that sort of news over a voicemail. He was just so relieved when he finally got a hold of her and he hoped that he was able to put her at ease. He was wound tight with nerves and he was just 2 hours away – not across the country.

He noticed that when Dawson tried to pass a VW Bug he nearly clipped the car in the process. That last thing he needed was to get in a car accident himself so he looked at his junior agent and said, "Watch it, okay. I appreciate you racing to get me there but I'd prefer it if we arrived in one piece."

Dawson slowed the car down a notch. "Sorry, I just…I'll be more careful."

Martin tilted his head in appreciation before turning to look out the window. The cars they were passing in a blur of color, as if they were in a time machine racing to the future. He wished he could be there already, hold his kids and know that they were truly okay. He knew all too well about losses due to car accidents. He tried to steady his pulse as the memory of the last time anyone he loved was involved in a car accident rushed over him; a memory that will haunt him forever.

XXX

"_Martin?" He looked up to see his father standing in front of him looking very nervous and sad as he said, "It's your turn, son." _

_He nodded his head and turned to see Ruby's parents exiting the room where she was being held until they could take her upstairs. Her mom was wailing; her cries bouncing off the walls making her grief feel tangible and fierce. Her father and brother slowly moved Mrs. Carmichael to a bank of chairs and sat her down, placing their arms on both sides of her as if she would topple over by the weight of the loss of her youngest child. _

_He felt a warm hand gently touch his shoulder and his mother's voice ask, "Do you want one of us to go with you?" Her red rimmed eyes were watching him worriedly. _

_He shook his head and stood up, his legs were shaky but his feet felt like they were weighed down like bags of sand. _

_His father placed a firm hand on his shoulder and said, "We'll be right here if you need us." _

_Martin nodded and slowly shuffled his way down the hall to the room. The buzzing of the fluorescent lights overhead made the entire situation feel even more surreal. How did the entire world flip in a matter of hours? How did he go from planning a wedding and a family to saying goodbye to his fiancée before she was hauled upstairs to have her organs harvested? _

_He passed Ruby's family as her mother was still curled over in grief. Her father simply looked up and met his eyes, an understanding passing between them. It was just the two of them who met with the hospital administrator to discuss organ donation. "Clinically brain dead" is what the doctor's had told them; her pupils were unresponsive, no signs of activity on the EEG, no response to stimuli. They said that time was of the essence and they needed an answer as soon as possible, lives depended on it. So with little discussion they all decided that Ruby would want her death to mean something so they agreed and it was left up to the two men to make the arrangements. _

_They sat in a small conference room decorated with mass produced artwork of flowers and grassy fields and listened to a garishly dressed woman with impossibly yellow blonde hair and a fuchsia business suit catalog and inventory Ruby, telling them which parts of her were salvageable for donation. He wanted to argue that every cell in her body was important and storm out of the room pretending that the events of the last few hours were just a dream but the rational part of his brain kept him in check. It was that same part of his brain that, somehow through it all, reminded him about Viv. He asked that if Ruby's blood type was a match that her heart would go to Viv. Her father agreed and it was the single consolation he received after the long arduous process. _

_He didn't realize how much of a human body hospitals wanted for donation. Beyond the main organs they asked about skin, eyes, marrow, bones, the list went on and on. Martin realized that it was one thing to know how valuable it was to help give life to so many but it was quite another to have to make the decision on just how much they could take from someone you loved. He wasn't alone in his thinking because when they were done Ruby's father stood up to leave saying, "I never thought I'd have to tell someone that they couldn't have the skin from my daughter's face." _

_Martin pushed open the door and entered the brightly lit pre-op room. Ruby was laying on a gurney in the center, her chest rising and falling in time with the beeping machines that surrounded her. The very machines that were keeping her alive until… it wasn't necessary to anymore. There was a breathing tube over her mouth and a bandage was wrapped around her head were she had hit it against the car window. He tugged at the sleeve of his shirt were it still had her blood on it from where he had tried to stop the bleeding. _

_He almost turned around to leave, unable to accept that this was the last time he would see her but at the same time he found himself drifting to where she was and sitting down on the small chair that the hospital staff had put out for them. He stared at Ruby's virtually lifeless form and reached over to hold her hand; her fingers cool to the touch. He squeezed her hand but there was no response, it remained limp in his. He blew out a breath and looked at her face, suddenly wishing that he hadn't come in to see her like this. He would have rather remembered her the way she looked…before. _

_His throat tightened, a painful ache throbbing behind his Adam's apple. His shifted his gaze down to Ruby's chest to the part of her belly that had the small bump that housed their child. Or rather, used to, there wasn't going to be a baby anymore. He placed the palm of his hand over it and mourned a child he never even had a chance to meet but was now lost to him forever, a hole in his heart that could never be filled. _

_He looked back at Ruby, struggling for something profound or meaningful to tell her. He wanted to tell her goodbye or that he loved her but when he tried to swallow the lump in his throat so he could speak he found that it was lodged firmly in place. _

_He heard the door open and a nurse appeared beside him. "I'm sorry, but we really need to get her upstairs. They're waiting." _

_He nodded his head that he understood and stood up. He stared down at Ruby's face one final time, kissed her gently on the forehead and walked out. _

XXX

"Okay, we're here," Dawson announced as he pulled into the driveway just outside of the ER.

Martin opened his door before the car even came to a complete stop, only pausing long enough to tell Dawson, "Thanks" before he rushed inside.

He could hear his heartbeat in his ears it was beating so fast. He strode purposely towards the nurse's station to ask where he could find Grace and Nate when he spotted Emma exiting the elevator. "Emma!" he shouted.

She stopped and moved towards him. He crossed the room in three strides, meeting her halfway, asking, "Where are they? What do you know?"

She grabbed him by the arm and said, "Come on, I'll take you." She pulled out her ID badge and ran it through the security scanner, allowing them access to the secure area. She updated him on Melanie's condition and told him that Frances was still complaining of back pain so they had her seeing a specialist and would most likely have to see a chiropractor. She was in another wing of the hospital and had her sister with her. They turned down a corridor and she added, "I had the attendee put all the kids in the same exam room. They were scared enough I didn't want them to be separated too."

She walked quickly, worming her way through the busy hallway, a skill she probably honed from years of working in the ER. He had some trouble keeping up and almost tripping over an old man's IV tube when she stopped abruptly in front of a door marked, 'Exam 4'. She pushed the door open and he breathed a huge sigh of relief at the sight that welcomed him. Mike and Eli were sitting on one bed playing with some latex gloves that someone had blown and decorated with smiley faces. On the other bed Nate sat at the foot of the bed holding two of the makeshift toys while Grace was lying down, cradling her arm close as she chatted with the young female Hispanic doctor sitting next to her.

Nate spotted him first and he leapt up, standing on the bed shouting, "Daddy!"

He walked over and the little boy plunged into his open arms. He held him tightly to him, a wave of relief wash over him at finally getting to see his kids and know for himself that they were truly okay. Still holding Nate he moved next to Grace and said, "Hey, sweetie. How are you feeling?"

"My arm's broken but Dr. Reyes said I can get a purple cast," she replied as if she were telling him that she was getting a new ballerina outfit.

It was at times like this that he saw so much of Sam in her; always putting on a brave front, never wanting to appear as scared as she felt. He rubbed her leg and asked, "Does it hurt?"

"It feels like my arm has a stomachache," she replied, her veneer breaking just enough to let him see just how scared she really was.

Dr. Reyes – who looked like she was barely out of high school much less a graduate from a credible medical school – gave him a reassuring smile and said, "Grace has a complete fracture of the ulna and will need to wear a cast for a least two months; maybe three."

He sat down on the edge of the bed with Nate resting on his lap. "Are you sure that's it? She doesn't have any other injuries? Did you…?"

"She's going to be fine, Martin. Dr. Reyes is an excellent physician," Emma interrupted from where she sat between Mike and Eli.

He nodded his head, trying to still his trembling nerves. He bent his head to Nate's and asked, "How about you? How are you doing?"

"I got a bump," he replied, shifting out of the embrace to show him the large, almost cartoonish bump on his forehead. It bulged out like a perfect little bubble and it hurt Martin to even look at it.

He must have had a terrified look on his face because Dr. Reyes spoke up and said, "It looks a lot worse than it is. The swelling should go down in a few hours."

He forced a smile and said, "Thanks." He pulled Nate closer and turned his focus to Mike and Eli. "What about you guys, are you alright?"

They both nodded their heads and while they looked exhausted they seemed visibly okay.

Mike looked at Emma and asked, "Where's Diego? I thought you said he would be right back."

Emma brushed the short wisps out dark brown hair out of Mike's face saying, "He's getting a few more tests just to be sure he's fine."

"But he's all by himself, can't I at least go and keep him company?" Mike asked. Being identical twins, the two boys did almost everything together. Danny once told him that sometimes it seemed that even knew what the other one was feeling when they were apart.

"Not right now but Dr. Edelstein is with him and you like her remember? She gave you guys all those suckers the last time you came to visit me at my office?" Mike gave her a half shrug and nod but still looked upset. Emma pulled him into a little hug and said, "But I'll tell you what? Why don't we all go to the gift shop and get some goodies for everyone?"

Eli nodded greedily, thrilled at obtaining some sugar filled booty from the pricey gift shop while Mike reluctantly stood up and mumbled, "Okay."

She smiled and started ushering the boys to the door. She stopped and looked at Martin. "We'll be right back."

"I'll follow you out," Dr. Reyes announced. "I just have to go grab a few things to put together for the cast. I'll be right back." She stopped and looked right at Grace saying, "And remember: don't move your arm, okay?"

Grace nodded her head at the doctor as she exited.

Once they were all alone, Nate slumped against his shoulder, sighing heavily with relief. The feeling of his boy in his arms made Martin's breath catch, to realize just how important these two tiny humans were to him and how close he came to almost losing them. He planted a kiss on the boy's hot forehead, resting his chin on his short brown hair. He noticed Grace was watching him carefully and he could almost see her brave façade begin to crack. "You sure you are okay?"

She bit her bottom lip and asked, "Where's Frances?"

"Emma said her back hurts so she is seeing a doctor who is trying to help her feel better," he reached over and gently caressed her cheek that was streaked with dried tears. "She's going to be fine. I'm just so happy that you are going to be alright."

Grace started to nod when her bottom lip jutted out and in a soft whimper she said, "I want mommy."

"Me too," Nate whispered in agreement.

He knew he shouldn't be hurt that even though he was there they still wanted Sam. She was the one who put band-airs on their scraped knees and could see if they had a fever just by placing her lips to their foreheads. She was the one they ran to for all their aches and pains. She was the one who could kiss them and make it all better. In fact, right now he wanted Sam too. "Mommy is still in Washington but she is going to be home tonight to tuck you into bed, okay." He glanced at his watch, her flight hadn't left yet so he might be able to catch her before she boards. He smiled, pulled out his cell phone and said, "But tell you what, let's see if we can get her on the phone."


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

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_Calm, be calm,_ Sam chanted over and over in her head. There was no point in going into hysterics when the children are thousands of miles away and she still had a six hour flight ahead of her. She can become the freaked out, panic stricken mother once they were back in New York.

While she was practicing Zen-like thoughts in her head, her body was moving quickly through the long corridors of the Sea-Tac Airport. Danny started moving left when she spotted the gift shop and remembered Grace's request for some sort of trinket.

She stopped abruptly, asking Danny, "How much time do we have before our flight starts boarding?"

He glanced at his watch. "Fifteen minutes but our gate is all the way at the end."

"I'll meet you there," she declared, moving towards the crowded gift shop. "I have to get something for the kids. I promised Grace I would bring her home a souvenir."

But instead of going on to their gate, Danny followed behind her, stopping at a display of model airplanes. He picked one up and studied it, saying, "I should get something for the boys, too."

She gave him a gentle smile before weaving her way to a display of snow globes. She picked one up that featured the Seattle cityscape, complete with the Space Needle in the center. She turned it upside down and when she righted it, fat chunky pieces of white plastic floated down.

She stared at it, wanting to focus on something else besides her overwhelming feelings of guilt. If she hadn't been so anxious to break away from her responsibilities as a mother she wouldn't have come on this trip and she would not be here in Washington waiting to catch a plane to New York trying to get home to make sure kids were alright. Of course, if she hadn't been so devoted to her career they might not have been with a nanny and in the car accident to begin with. "_And maybe if you had been more devoted to your career you wouldn't even have those kids and none of this would be happening at all,_" said the voice in her head; a voice that over the years had begun to sound more and more like Martin's.

She looked at the snow globe and her lips curved into a smile remembering that it was snowing the day Grace came into the world.

XXX

"_Okay, breathe," Martin coached as he led her waddling form through the hospital hallway. He had a concerned look on his face as he held both her hands tightly, walking backwards, glancing every few seconds over his shoulder to make sure he wasn't going to bump into anyone. _

"_Martin, I'm am breathing," she argued, yanking one of her hands free so she could rub the small of her back. Her OB recommended that she walk to help speed up the delivery, something about how it loosened up the pelvis and allowed gravity to help move the baby down. However, whenever a contraction hit she would just lean against the wall, holding the rail as she doubled over in pain. _

_She eyed the soda machine at the end of the hall, wanting any kind of sugary soda to drink. She had been in labor for a little over 24 hours and was sick of ice chips. It seemed she reached a plateau in her labor and now the doctors were beginning to pressure her to let them perform a C-section so they could just go in and get the baby. They said that if she didn't deliver within the next five hours they would arrange for an operating room for her. _

_She released a sigh and said, "Let's just walk back to the room."_

"_Okay," he replied, stifling a yawn._

_She didn't know why but the sight of him yawning ignited something inside of her. "Is my labor boring you?" He froze; the back of his hand in front of his mouth. "I'm sorry I couldn't get this baby out soon enough for you or make it more interesting."_

"_I just yawned," he said quietly with restrained irritation. "I've been up for a long time too you know." _

_She turned and started waddling back to her room. "I'm sorry if the birth of your child is taking so much time." She took a few steps more and added, "You can go home if you want, it's not like you are really helping."_

_He got into step alongside her. "I'm sorry, I want to be here." Under his breath he softly mumbled, "I just didn't think it would be so boring." _

_She stopped short and spun around on her heels. "Boring!" she shouted, seething. "I'm sorry. Maybe we can hire a commentator like the ones from your sports shows to just give you the play by plays or maybe just a highlight reel." Her hair was tied loosely into a ponytail, strands falling around her face and she kept trying ineffectually to tuck them back behind her ears. "Oh wait, but that would take away from your important job of looking at the monitor and tell me when a contraction was coming!"_

"_I said I was sorry about that," he replied, his tone low and restrained. _

_When she was admitted the nurse strapped a belt around her waist that sensed when a contraction was about to hit. Martin seemed to find it found it fascinating and he studied the screen intently. Whenever he noticed a spike on the screen he would get an excited look on his face and tell her that a contraction was coming. However, she was the one who felt the surge pulse through her body; she knew damn well what was going on. So she would glare at him and snap, "Really, a contraction? Thanks for letting me know, they felt so pleasant I thought I was getting tickled by kittens!" _

_She knew that he was just trying to keep himself useful. They had been waiting for the birth of their baby for a long time and they were both getting a bit antsy. He would sit at the chair in the room flipping open his cell phone to check the time, fiddle with the paper cup from his coffee, and he even tried to turn on the TV to watch ESPN before she threatened to kick him out. And now they were wandering the halls of the hospital at three a.m. hoping that this kid would decide that it was time to enter the world. _

_She looked at Martin, waiting for him to reply but he just watched her, concern on his face. He had stubble on his jaw and his clothes were disheveled. She knew he was tired too and she suddenly felt very guilty for taking out her frustrations on him. "I'm sorry, but I am exhausted and I just want him or her to hurry up and get here." _

_He cracked a smile and said, "Me too." _

_She sighed and turned to look out the large bank of windows that lined the hall. Snow had started to drift slowly down outside. She walked over and placed her hands on the rail, looking out. "Look it's starting to snow." _

_He stood behind her, moving her hand out of the way so he could take over massaging her back. He kissed her on the temple and said, "We still have to decide on a name if it's a girl." _

_They had settled on William David if it was a boy but they couldn't seem to agree on one for a girl. The last time they discussed it, the top choices were Abigail, Lucy, or Emma but they weren't crazy about any of them._

_She trembled as another contraction rushed through her. It was one thing to know that birth was a painful process and it was quite another to really know for yourself. She made a mental note to send her mom some flowers. Diane had offered to come up before the birth but Sam kept putting her off, wanting to enjoy this time with Martin when it was still just the two of them. But now, she really wished her mom was here to comfort her and tell her it was all going to be okay. _

_Once it passed, she blew out a breath, fogging up the window. She reached out and traced out a smiley face in the glass. Martin rubbed the small of her back, trying to soothe out the pain, wanting to be of use. She hummed in appreciation as she stared out into the night, a memory from her childhood reaching out to her. _

"_You know, when I was a little girl my mom would sometimes sing me to sleep," she said. She could still recall the feeling of lying bundled up in her bed as her mom sat on the edge, smiling down at her. "They would be either regular lullabies or maybe a popular song from the radio." She leaned back, resting her weary weight supported against him. "But sometimes she would sing Amazing Grace, telling me that her mom, my grandmother would sing to her." She paused and angled her head to look at him. "What do you think about Grace?" _

_He rested his head on her shoulder, his warm breath in her ear and a smile on his lips as he said, "I like it." _

XXX

Grace was born a couple of hours later, splashing around on her chest and greeting them with wide open eyes. The moment she saw her daughter's face her eyes welled with tears, an indescribable feeling pounding in her heart.

When it came time for Nate to be born it was a very different story. This time they thought they knew what to expect. Along with her bag Martin packed a smaller one filled with a deck of cards, some trail mix, books and magazines to get him through the long hours ahead. But Nate arrived into the world within five hours. As it is with all children, you make a plan and they change it. They barely had enough time to get settled into the room when there he was – 6 lbs and 3 oz. of baby boy. And this time, instead of crying she found herself laughing with joy, realizing that this was really what it was all about – this was happiness.

She took a deep breath and tilted the snow globe again, wondering if it was something Grace might like when her cell phone shrilled in her jacket pocket.

She saw that it the incoming call was from Martin's cell so she flipped it open saying, "What's going on?"

"Hi mommy," Grace said, her voice sounding tiny and scared and impossibly far away.

With a heavy sigh of relief she gingerly asked, "Hey sweetie, are you okay?"

"My arm's broken," the little girl whimpered.

"It is?" Sam moved towards the wall of magazines and leaned her head against a glossy issue of _US Magazine _that was mounted on the wall. "I'm sorry I can't be there right now, Gracie, but I bet daddy is making sure that the doctors take really good care of you."

"He is," she replied softly.

"Good," Sam said, wanting to crawl through the phone line and hold her little girl. She opened her eyes and saw the latest headline featuring the celebrity du jour. She felt her stomach twist into a nervous knot and asked, "How's your brother?"

"He has a bump on his head that looks like one of daddy's golf balls," Grace said with a soft laugh. The soft cadence assuring her that they were going to be fine. "He looks kinda funny."

"He does?" she asked, trying her best to sound upbeat for her daughter's sake. She knew that kids were instinctual and if she sounded as scared as she felt, it would just scare Gracie more.

"Yeah," she replied. "When are you coming home?"

"I'm on my way to board the plane right now and then I'll be home before you know it," she replied when someone tapped her on the shoulder so they could reach over and get some magazines. She tilted her head in apology before squaring her shoulders and moving back to the display of souvenirs. She stopped in front of a display of plush whales, birds, and other creatures indigenous to Seattle. She picked up a moose, playing with its velvety antlers. "When I get home you can show me your cast and I can sign it okay."

"'kay," she replied, sounding delighted by the thought. Sam heard some talking in the background and then Grace said, "I have to go. The doctor has to put on the cast."

"Okay, bye sweetie, I love you."

"I love you too," Grace said before the line was quiet.

She spotted Danny standing just outside the gift shop holding a bag and urging her along with his eyes. She held up a finger indicating she was almost done when a quick second later she heard Nate's voice.

"Hi," he said in his usual sweet and cheery tone.

An ache appeared in her throat but she managed to croak out, "Hey baby, how are you feeling?"

"Fine," he answered. Nate never minced words like his older sister. He was always quite succinct and to the point. "I gotta bump on my head."

"Does it hurt?" she asked, immediately deciding to purchase the moose for Nate and the snow globe for Grace.

"I don't think so," he replied. A millisecond later she heard him yelp, "Ouch!"

She laughed, picturing Nate rubbing his own forehead in awe. "Stop touching it okay, sweetie or it won't heal."

"'kay," he replied.

"Okay," she said; a smile on her lips. "Let me talk to daddy now."

After a quick goodbye, she heard Martin's voice. "Hey."

While to anyone else he would sound calm she knew him well enough to know when he was faking it but she appreciated his trying. "Hey, are the kids really okay?"

"They're a little shaken up but they're going to be fine," he replied sounding like he really believed it. "I'd tell you not to worry but something tells me that it won't stop you."

She cradled her arm between her ear and shoulder as she held both items in one hand while trying to pull her wallet out of her purse. She walked to the checkout counter and replied, "Would it stop you?"

"No," he surrendered. She could hear his breath over the phone and the sounds of Grace chatting up the doctor. Martin cleared his throat and spoke again, "It looks like we will be home by the time you land so you can just go straight home from the airport. I'd offer to pick you up but under the circumstances I think the less driving today the better."

She smiled against the receiver as she handed the clerk her items. "Good idea, so I'll see you tonight."

"Yeah," he replied. "I was thinking of ordering a pizza from Mario's for dinner so we'll save you some."

"No tomatoes!" Grace shouted.

"No, no tomatoes," Martin replied mirthfully.

Sam laughed. When she was younger she hated tomatoes so it was funny that he daughter inherited her childhood dislikes as well. She handed the clerk her credit card and spoke into her cell, "Well, save me a slice of whatever you end up ordering."

"You got it," he replied before softly adding, "See you later."

The clerk handed her the receipt, which she shoved into her wallet. "Give them all big hugs and kisses for me until I get home okay?"

"Will do," he replied. "I love you."

"I love you too."


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

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Martin cradled the phone to his ear as he leaned against the doorjamb to the kitchen listening to Iris, Frances' sister, explain that Frances had been discharged but the doctor recommended that she not return to work for at least two weeks. He watched as Nate shoved another large bite into his mouth while Grace carefully examined her slice to make certain nothing she disliked could be accidentally digested. When Iris was done speaking, he sighed and said, "Thanks for calling and please tell Frances to take as much time as she needs and that we all send our love."

"I'm sure she would like that," Iris replied, her accent a blend of Irish and East Bronx. "I know she is just happy those kids are all going to be fine."

"They are but I know they will feel better once they can see that she's okay too," he softly replied. He had tried to arrange a way for him and the kids to see Frances before they left the hospital but she was getting x-rays in another wing and the kids were too exhausted to wait. "I'll call tomorrow to check in on her. If she's up to it, I know the kids and I would like to stop by and pay her a visit."

"Will do," Iris agreed. "I'll talk to you tomorrow Mr. Fitzgerald."

"Good night, Iris," he said before hanging up. He walked back to the table and sat down, picking up his now cold pizza slice. Before taking a bite he said, "That was Frances' sister. Frances is on her way home and she is going to be okay."

Grace plucked a piece of pepperoni off her slice and bite into it, a smile evident on her face. "When can we see her?"

"I don't know yet but hopefully very soon," he replied, the cheese congealed and chewy in his mouth.

The two kids began chatting about the events from the day and he couldn't help but admire the resiliency of children. They had made the car crash seem like a big adventure. Nate announced that how much he liked it when the firemen let him sit on the fire truck while Grace recalled how nice one of the paramedic's had been. They both commented how excited Diego and Mike were to ride in an ambulance with the sirens blaring while Eli was crying uncontrollably until a police officer showed him a magic trick where he pulled a nickel out of his ear.

As he listened he couldn't help but wonder what exactly was going on with Diego. When they were checking out of the hospital Rafi had come by to pick up Mike and Eli but Diego was staying overnight. Emma said they were still running tests but she wouldn't elaborate on what kinds of tests. They had all gone upstairs to the room where he was staying and he appeared almost completely unscathed, he had a cut on his forehead that had been stitched up but other than that he seemed perfectly fine. The only evidence that there was something wrong was that while Emma had a smile on her face, there was an undeniable fear in her eyes.

XXX

_All of the kids were grabbing for the Sharpie marker so they could sign Grace's cast. Mike won and began signing his name and message in the cursive writing that he had begun learning in school. Grace observed him closely, scrutinizing his work, making sure he didn't take up too much room since she wanted to have her entire class sign it when she went back to school on Monday. Although since she was in kindergarten, Martin couldn't imagine the kids could write more than their names at this point. When Mike was done he laughed and whispered something in Diego's ear, causing the boy to smile as well. _

_He watched as Grace moved her arm up and down, adjusting to this new contraption, before going to sit next to Diego so he could sign. When the doctor had finished putting the cast on her arm she complained that it felt heavy and weird but once she realized all of the attention she would be getting her disposition had greatly improved. Rafi stood next to her and laughed at a picture that Diego had sketched. She smiled up at him, his bald head almost glistening in the fluorescent lights. He had long ago decided to embrace his receding hairline and started shaving his entire head and when combined with his mechanic's clothes and muscular physique it made him look very scary. That or like a Cuban Mr. Clean. _

_The door opened and Emma appeared, a large grin on her face but her eyes looking red-rimmed. "I hate to break up the fun but visiting hours are almost over and I'm sure Grace and Nate need to get home." She sat down next to Martin, resting her hands between her knees, glancing at her son in the bed. "Besides, Diego needs his rest." _

"_I don't want to go home without D," Mike pouted, sitting on the bed, his arm slung protectively over his twin's shoulder. "You're a doctor here. Can't you do something so I can stay?"_

"_Yeah," Diego added, "It's boring here. Mike can keep me company." _

"_The hospital doesn't let any minors stay here if they aren't patients and I don't like breaking rules," she replied, sounding world weary. Her eyes softened and she looked at Mike saying, "You and Eli are going to spend the night at your Tio and Tia's but don't worry, your dad and I will be here so Diego won't be by himself. And I promise that dad will pick you up early and you can come back first thing in the morning." _

_Both of the boys started to scrunch up their faces, preparing to argue when Rafi stepped forward. He placed his hand on Mike's bony shoulder. The twins had both inherited Danny's tall and lanky frame. "Listen to your mom. She knows best." He smiled, the wrinkles around his eyes creasing. "It's just one night." _

_The boys conceded defeat and reluctantly nodded their heads. Emma smiled at her brother-in-law and whispered, "Thank you." _

_Rafi gave her a sympathetic look and said, "You guys are my family, thanks aren't necessary," He took the marker next and started signing Grace's cast. "Now let me show you kids some quality art work." _

_All of the kids fixed their eyes in fascination as he sketched his doodle so Martin leaned in close to Emma and in a hushed tone asked, "Is everything okay?"_

_Tears began to well in the corner of her eyes and she took a deep breath, wiping them away before they fell. She didn't answer right away; taking time to steady her emotions before finally saying, "They found some thing in Diego's x-ray…" she stopped and inhaled deeply before releasing a long breath. "I just wish Danny was back already."_

_He glanced over at the kids. They were all still engrossed in Rafi's work so placed his hand on hers asking, "Is there anything I can do?"_

_She gave him a grateful smile and said, "Can you get a hold of a time machine and jump into the future so you can promise me that everything is going to be alright?" At a loss for any kind of reply he gave her a sympathetic look, squeezed her hand and remained quiet. She sighed heavily and gingerly patted her other hand. _

"_I wanna go home," Nate said, rubbing his eyes as he climbed onto Martin's lap. _

_Emma released his hand and he pulled the little boy up, letting his tiny body slump into the embrace, his small head resting on his shoulder. "We'll leave in a little bit. We just want to make sure that Diego is okay first." He rubbed Nate's back and murmured, "But you can go to sleep if you want." He shifted in his chair, trying to find a more comfortable position. It took less than a minute before he could hear Nate's breathing even out, indicating that he was asleep. _

_Rafi folded his arm across his chest and said, "You don't have to stick around, I'm here and the kids look wasted."_

_Martin warred with his conscience. He knew that if the situation were reversed Danny would stick around as long as possible to make sure Grace or Nate were okay but they had been here for several hours now and the kids were exhausted. _

_Emma reached over and ran her fingers through Nate's hair saying, "Go ahead and go home. Really, it's okay." _

_He met her eyes questioningly. "Are you sure?"_

"_Yeah," she gave him a gentle smile and nodded. "Thank you though. You're a good friend, Martin." _

_He stood up, Nate's limp body resting against him. "You know you can call if you need anything. I mean it, any time, day or night."_

"_I know," she replied. _

XXX

"Daddy," Grace asked as she chewed on the pizza crust. "Can we stay up until mommy gets home?"

He knew that Sam wouldn't be home until late and there was no way the kids would be able to stay awake but considering the day they had he couldn't deny them. "Sure, but you still have to get ready for bed and put on your pajamas."

"Yeah!" they shouted in unison.

He smiled and took another bite thinking just how lucky he was to be sitting at home, eating cold pizza with his kids waiting up for his beautiful wife to come home. At this moment, his kids were safe at home with wounds that were going to heal. They were whole and strong and despite the day's events they were still filled with hope and optimism. He wished they could always stay that way but with Diego in the hospital, he knew in his gut that none of their lives were ever going to be the same again.


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

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Danny entered the dimly light hospital corridor in search of room 1103. He passed a bulletin board that was decorated with bright watercolors and crafts made from macaroni, cotton balls and glitter. Artwork made with small hands and a lot of enthusiasm. He finally reached the room at the far end of the hall and went inside.

Diego was asleep in one of the two twin size hospital beds and Emma sat on a chair next to him, holding his hand. He took a few steps in and she looked up, her eyes puffy and swollen. He strode directly to her and she stood up, meeting him halfway.

She grabbed his hand and gestured for them to talk outside. Once they were in the hallway, she immediately wrapped her arms around him and breathed, "I'm so glad you're here."

He kissed her on the crown of her head and whispered, "Its okay, whatever it is, we'll get through it."

Her head was still pressed against his chest as she nodded. She clenched the back of his shirt tightly with her fists as she began to sob; her shoulders hunching each time her she tried to take a breath.

He held her to him and soothed, "Babe, what's going on? You're scaring me."

She didn't reply right away. Her crying slowed down and she finally took a step back to look up and met his eyes. "I'm sorry," she said. "It's just been hard trying to put on a brave front all day."

He reached over and gently wiped some tears from her cheeks. "It's okay." He pulled her back into the embrace, looking over at their sleeping son. "I'm here now. Talk to me."

When her breathing steadied out she relaxed into his arms and whispered, "I just still can't believe it…"

His entire body tensed up, he remembered the last time she spoke to him in that tone. It was the day she told him that Martin's girlfriend Ruby had died. He swallowed and asked, "Tell me, what is it?"

She released her embrace and cradled his hands in hers. She took a deep breath and in a thin and shaky voice she said, "Danny, Diego has Leukemia."

He stood there trying to process what she was telling him. The ER attendee was concerned that Diego's head wound wouldn't stop bleeding, the blood refusing to clot so they ran a series of tests to determine what was going on and that's when they discovered some abnormalities in his blood work. She couldn't believe it so she had them run the tests again and again, they came back positive. He had Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia but the good news is that they caught it early. She and the oncologist were hopeful that Diego would make a full recovery.

He bit his lip and choked out, "But he's sick, right? I mean, even though we caught it early he's going to have to get chemotherapy, maybe a bone marrow transplant…"

A solemn expression appeared on her face as she whispered, "Yes." She turned around so she could look at Diego sleeping, his chest rising and falling with each breath. "He's going to have a tough time ahead of him."

He pulled her closer to him, more to steady himself that comfort her. His boy was sick, very sick. It seemed that Diego was always the one to get sicker than the other boys but Danny never gave it much thought. He was just so happy that his boy was alive and well because when he was an infant he scared Danny more than he could ever have imagined. He looked back at his son, cursing that God would put him through so much before he was even 11 years old. He rubbed Emma's back and in a determined voice said, "Diego is strong, he got better before – he can do it again."

XXX

_Danny walked around the neo-natal unit, cradling four-month old Diego in his arms. His baby boy was whimpering but not really crying. He had been listless for awhile now and the meds didn't seem to be helping bring his fever down, his skin was still hot to the touch. He wished Emma would hurry up and get back. He just felt better when she was here since she was a doctor and could explain what was normal and what was cause for concern. Of course, considering Diego had been admitted to the hospital for a respiratory virus and a double viral/bacterial pneumonia it was all cause for concern. _

_It was that night that he decided it was a mixed blessing being married to a doctor. She knew all the possible scenarios they might be facing and if it made her scared, it didn't do anything to minimize his fears. And he hated this feeling. When he found out he was going to be a father he vowed to protect his sons from all dangers. He baby proofed the apartment from top to bottom, he upped his life insurance policy, and he was a special agent in the FBI so he knew what dangers lurked out there for kids. What he didn't count on was some microscopic villain invading his son's body and not being able to do a damn thing about it. _

_He paced the length of the small room, gently swaying his son in his arms to try and soothe him. It was strange to think how he didn't even know this tiny person up until a few months ago but now, he felt like his heart would crack apart without him in his life. _

_Emma walked into the room wearing the hospital garb that they were required to wear to prevent further infection. She looked like she was getting ready to scrub in for surgery rather than visit her son. "Hey, how's he doing?" _

"_The same," he replied as he gently bounced Diego in his arms. "How's Mikey?"_

_She walked over and caressed Diego's small cheek with her finger whispering, "Sam said he is doing just fine but now Martin is looking at her like he wants a baby, too." The baby finally started to settle down so she leaned against Danny, swaying in rhythm. "Do you think she'll ever change her mind about having kids? She's great with the twins and her nieces." _

_Danny laughed softly. "She changed her mind about marriage. I guarantee you she will change her mind about having kids." _

_The door opened and Dr. Thomas Sico walked in the room. He was an older man with a stout frame and he always rested his wire rim glasses on that perch just between his forehead and receding hairline. He gave them a solemn smile and asked, "How's he doing?" _

_Emma squared her shoulders and replied, "You tell me, Tom. What are the results of the test?" _

_Tom stepped over and looked down at Diego's bundled up form. He took a deep breath and faced Emma as he said, "I think we are going to need to do a spinal tap to test for meningitis." _

_Danny froze at the word. Emma had told him that her big fear was that Diego may have contracted the disease because the test for it was painful and dangerous. She wouldn't elaborate beyond that but the words scared him more than enough to pray that their boy didn't have it. _

_Emma's voice trembled as she said, "Are you absolutely sure? Did you check his…?"_

_Tom reached over and placed his hand on her shoulder, looking at her sympathetically. "Emma, you know I wouldn't do the test unless I thought it was absolutely necessary." She nodded her head and looked at Danny, her worried eyes watching him as Tom continued, "I think the sooner the better. We finally got his fever down but it's still there so I'd like to know how to proceed as soon as possible." He looked up at Danny and added, "I'm going to go make the arrangements for the test. Please bring Diego down to exam room at the end of the hall. I also need for you both to decide which one of you will be there for the test." _

_Once Tom was gone, Danny looked at Emma and asked, "What did he mean by 'which one' of us will be there?"_

_Emma sighed and said, "It's just easier if there is only one parent there to hold the baby. It will keep Diego focused instead of looking back and forth between us. He needs to be as still as possible." She reached over and Diego gripped her index finger with his tiny little hand. "I think I should be the one to do it."_

"_Why, because you're a doctor?" he asked, suddenly feeling very defensive. _

_She looked up at him with her big green eyes. "There's that but…I can't explain it but there is something instinctual telling me that I need to be the one. I don't know if it's the doctor in me talking or maternal instincts, I just know it should be me." _

_He wished he could say he wanted to put up an argument but he had to admit that he was relieved that she wanted to do it. He would have done it if she had asked but deep down he was grateful that it wouldn't have to be him in there when they conducted the test. Emma told him that someone had to hold the baby as still as possible so that the doctor could stick a long needle in his back and withdraw some spinal fluid. He didn't think he could bear seeing his son endure that sort of procedure. _

_He nodded his head in agreement and he carefully placed Diego into her arms. He placed his hand under Diego's small head and whispered, "I love you mijo."_

_Emma didn't leave right away; she just stood there rocking him in her arms. He knew that she wasn't doing it so much for their son's benefit but taking a minute to mentally prepare herself for what she was about to do. After a few beats she inhaled deeply and looked up at Danny. "We'll be right back." _

_He nodded his head, fixing his eyes on hers, mentally giving her courage. She exhaled and then exited the room. _

XXX

He could still remember that sinking lost feeling of not knowing if their son would make it through the night. But after the procedure, Tom told them that it was all clear and they all breathed a collective sigh of relief. Eventually Diego's fever went down and that's when they knew that he was going to get better.

Now here he was again, sitting with Emma praying that their son was going to be okay. And once again, all he could do was sit and wait to see how it would all turn out; powerless to do anything else but wait and pray that his son would survive this as well.


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

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The house was dark and quiet as Sam opened the front door and went inside. She dropped her suitcase against the wall and shrugged off her jacket, tossing it on the back of the couch. She had to admit that she felt mildly disappointed that there was no one rushing up to welcome her home but she wasn't surprised considering it was near midnight, way past the kids' bedtime. She started towards the living room when she heard the unmistakable sloppy gallop of her favorite Labrador. She smiled as Milo rushed up to her, panting happily at the sight of her.

"Hey boy," she whispered as she reached over and scratched him behind the ears.

Satisfied that he had done his doggly duties he got in step alongside her as she walked down the hall to the bedroom, picking up some discarded clothes and toys as she did. She neared the master bedroom and recognized the flickering blue lights from the television through the doorway. She walked in and her lips curved up into a smile at the sight that greeted her: they were all slumbering peacefully as Martin lay in the middle of their bed with Nate and Grace tucked under each arm as the Disney channel played on the TV.

She grabbed the remote from the nightstand and clicked off the TV as she toed off her shoes before sitting on the edge of the bed near Nate. The sudden silence roused Martin awake and he looked at her though sleepy eyes. She watched as his eyes adjusted to the darkness and whispered, "It's just me."

He blinked and said, "You're home."

"Yeah, finally," she whispered as she scooted closer. Their plane left 45 minutes late and they almost missed their connecting flight. She was starting to think she would never get home.

"The kids wanted to wait up for you," he said; his throat husky from sleep. "They lasted until about ten o'clock." He smiled and added, "I lasted until eleven."

She chuckled softly. "Really? Because the TV was on the Disney channel…" She couldn't imagine him laying there for an hour watching cartoons.

"I had a kid under each arm and couldn't reach the remote," he teased. "I was trapped watching reruns of _Kim Possible_. It was hell." He laughed softly adding, "Of course, it was even worse that I knew they were reruns…."

She laughed at him as she leaned forward to examine her little boy's face. His forehead had a bruise but whatever bump may have existed was virtually gone. She brushed some hair out of his forehead and watched his little sleeping face, his mouth hanging slightly open. With her eyes still on Nate she said, "He looks pretty good."

Martin shifted slightly to face her. "Yeah, the bump was gone in a few hours just like the doctor said. He was disappointed though, I think he liked the way it looked."

She nodded her head and looked over at Grace. Her daughter was snoring softly, the arm in the cast resting under Martin's large hand. "And how long did the doctor say she would have to wear the cast?" she asked as she reviewed the messages and drawings that were sketched on the cast.

Martin slowly shifted his arm out from under Nate's body and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "At least two months."

She sighed, relieved to finally be home and see for herself that the kids really were okay. With slumped shoulders she finally glanced up at Martin and that's when she noticed the big red welt on his cheek. She reached up to touch it and he winced. "What happened to you?"

He smiled and replied, "Grace." He moved his hand on top on hers, pressing her hand to his cheek and said, "She was flailing in her sleep and hit me square in the face." He nodded to her cast and finished, "Be warned: our daughter has a weapon attached to her arm for the next few months."

Sam laughed softly, her fingers gently caressing the stubble on his jaw. "Thanks for the heads up."

She pulled her hand back to stifle a yawn, her eyes droopy and tired. He lifted his head up off the pillow and said, "You must be exhausted. Come on, we should put the kids in their own beds." He started to maneuver out from under the kids saying, "You take Nate and I'll take Gracie…"

"No," she said softly. He stopped and looked at her. "They're already asleep; they can stay with us tonight."

He cocked an eyebrow and asked, "Are you sure? I know you discourage them sleeping with us…"

"I think we can make an exception just this once," she said as she moved to lie down next to Nate.

He gave her a curious look but let it drop. He shifted a bit so that she would have a little more room. She spooned behind her son but her head was able to rest near Martin's. She took a deep breath, inhaling the sweet smell of Nate's shampoo and closed her eyes, a pang of guilt in her chest. With her eyes still shut she whispered, "I should have been here."

She could feel him watching her, his free hand moving to gently tug on a lock of her hair as he breathed, "All that matters is that you're home now."

She finally opened her eyes and gave him a grateful smile as they just laid there looking at each other. Waves of light from a passing car outside illuminated the room before making it dark again. She rested her cheek on the pillow and said, "I know I have been acting weird lately and maybe said some things I shouldn't have but I do love you and the kids, you know that right?"

"I know you do," he replied; his blue eyes looking dark and smoky in the dim light. "I just wish you would let me in, tell me what's going on."

"I know and I want to but I'm just not ready yet. I can barely figure it out myself." She licked her lips and said, "I just don't want to say anything to you that I can't take back."

"I'd rather you say something mean than shut me out," he replied, hurt evident in his voice.

"I'll try but you have to give me a little slack," she reached over and laid her the palm of her hand over his heart and said, "Because I realized something today." His eyes met hers and she finished, "That I will pull away sometimes, I will want a little time to myself so I can gather my thoughts and I will still get moody…"

"Please tell me there's a 'but' coming up," he interrupted with a smirk.

"But," she said with emphasis, "But I promise you this: I'm not going anywhere. I meant what I said on our wedding day, you are stuck with me until death do us part."

He grinned, leaning in close whispering, "I can live with that." She smiled and then he kissed her.

End Book I

To Be Continued in Book II

XXXXXXXXXXX

A/N: This book was pretty fluffy, even for me. But I should warn you that the next one will be darker so please be prepared.


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